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how do you teach your child to cope with loneliness?

(9 Posts)
bananacarnival Thu 25-Oct-12 22:15:05

My 7 yr old ds is in year 2, and has had friends on/off since he started school..with the usual fallouts. The problem is that he's very much attached to one particular boy who is similar to him in many ways..they both play very well together. Occasional playdates...mum is not so easygoing. But this other child is also confident and happy where my son is often not..and he is happy to go and spend the day playing with someone else which my son finds very painful. He says that when he tries to join in, they won't let him.

I was the same as a child and I recognise a lot of his angst. I don't want him to turn out to be like me, always insecure even with romantic relationships as an adult...fearing that I'll lose the person if they befriend someone else..

How do I teach him how to handle friendships confidently at this age? I now have great friendships but it took me 40 years!
What can I do/say? Any book recommendations?

Thank you

RillaBlythe Thu 25-Oct-12 22:21:30

Watching.

My DD is in Reception - until she started pre school I would have said she was confident socially but now I am a bit worried & anxious - & a bit aware that I am projecting my own childhood memories too...

WipsGlitter Thu 25-Oct-12 22:30:24

Try and involve him in lots of other activities. Don't let him see you're worried both inside and outside school. We enrolled DS on a course, a good wee friend of his does it too but we deliberately put him in at a different time so he made new friends.

baskingseals Thu 25-Oct-12 23:44:14

just love him for who he is.

bananacarnival Fri 26-Oct-12 20:32:03

Thankyou..

ashesgirl Fri 26-Oct-12 20:42:34

You might find this book helpful

www.amazon.co.uk/The-Unwritten-Rules-Friendship-Strategies/dp/0316917303/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1351280497&sr=8-1

baskingseals Fri 26-Oct-12 21:39:21

it is really hard banana.

all you can do, imho, is to love him, encourage him to enjoy what he enjoys.
talk to him about how he feels, you don't have to fix anything just listen.

he will get there. have faith in him. he has got you.

bananacarnival Sat 27-Oct-12 21:32:06

Thanks..I do keep cuddling and listening to him. Guilty of trying to fix it for him though. Book looks v good ashes, I've just ordered it..

cory Tue 30-Oct-12 08:08:15

Whilst not trying to fix it for him, I think you are perfectly within your rights to want to help him find strategies to deal with it. After all, obsessive friendships which cannot share are not going to be good for anybody, neither for your son nor for the other boy.

I think enrolling him in outside activities is a good suggestion. And generally to act laidback and unworried about his friendships.

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