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Back handed compliment. Make me feel better please...

(22 Posts)
Spatsky Thu 25-Oct-12 12:43:11

Met a (non parent) friend yesterday. Was talking about some bad behaviour from my son and how I didn't handle it very well, ie lost my temper.

Friend commented how nice it was to hear I am not perfect parent and lose t with my kids because all her friends talk about all their calm sensible approaches to bad behaviour and I am more like how she fears she will be.

She wasnt being passive aggressive bitch, I think she meant well but it has left me feeling a bit of a failure.

Tell me it is totally normal to lose it with your kids a bit and not always punish in a calm and measured way.

We do all shout sometimes don't we??

kw13 Thu 25-Oct-12 12:52:58

Of COURSE we all lose it at some point. My pressure point? Whining. Which I swear my DS (6) takes to a unique level. It reduces me to shouting. And of course that doesn't work. We are only human (keeps repeating to self).

PoppyScarer Thu 25-Oct-12 12:56:09

Totally normal. I am half a term into DC1 being at school and have been "shouty mum" most mornings. (Not this morning though, weird!). A friend told me the same. The whining drives me insane too!

Spatsky Thu 25-Oct-12 12:59:42

Yep, whining for me too, my daughter is a master whiner!

Know in theory we all lose it but need people to tell me they do as nested the boost been having a ow confidence in parenting spell.

Catsdontcare Thu 25-Oct-12 12:59:52

I walked in on ds1 helping ds2 get dressed for school yesterday. Ahh I thought how cute. I complemented ds1 on what a lovely big brother he is and his reply was "we'll if I help him then hopefully you will have less things to shout about"
Ouch.

QTPie Thu 25-Oct-12 14:36:22

Since you don't think she meant it badly, then don't take it that way.

There can't be many women out there who never loose it (I have a few times blush ). We all have our ideals about being the perfect, calm, non-ruffelable mother BEFORE we have children, then when the reality hits we can't always live up to that grin

Each day we do the best we can and try to learn from any mistakes.

QT

WizardofOs Thu 25-Oct-12 14:38:17

I lose my cool too - the whining is hideous, should be used as a form of torture.

RobinSparkles Thu 25-Oct-12 14:39:36

Please don't feel like a failure. It sounds as if She meant (as you know deep down) that it's lovely that you're honest about occasionally losing your temper whereas her other friends make out that they're perfect when really they aren't.

Spatsky Thu 25-Oct-12 14:39:52

Qt you are completely right. I'm just shamelessly fishing fr stories of other screaming banshees to take me feel better.

Agreed with wizard about whining being used for torture!

RobinSparkles Thu 25-Oct-12 14:39:55

I lose my cool constantly!

QTPie Thu 25-Oct-12 14:49:28

I would be more worried about the Mums who never ever loose their cool wink

(ok, for those who post that they do never loose their cool... I am just very evry jealous grin )

smoothieooo Thu 25-Oct-12 14:55:35

I always tell myself I will be calm and cool but lose my temper (and regain it) very quickly. This morning was a case in point (DS2's friends call for him half an hour before school every single day). Cue knock at the door:

Me: 'DS2, please can you get the door?'
DS2: silence
Me: 'DS2, can you get the door?'
DS2: 'whaaat?'
Me: (roaring at the top of my lungs) 'Go down and open the frigging door right now'

Followed by exactly the same scenario when friend 2 knocked for him 5 mins later. I felt quite hoarse afterwards TBH!

Firawla Thu 25-Oct-12 14:56:34

she just means its nice your honest about it, that's all!!
im sure most people shout sometimes (i do) and everyone gets stressed. it is normal

ThePinkNinja Fri 26-Oct-12 09:27:02

I can quite quickly turn into snouty mum :/
It's the whining that does it for me as well...
Lately he whines like Tarzan practically all day....

Your friend probably also appreciates your honesty about parenting. Odds are it'll be you who she asks for advice, as you'll tell it how it really issmile x

ThePinkNinja Fri 26-Oct-12 09:27:34

Shouty not snouty damn auto correct and my crap typing!

Grumpla Fri 26-Oct-12 09:34:40

I reduced an entire soft play centre (parents and all) to a state of quivering, silent immobility last time I took DS1 there.

Bellowed "DS1!!! STTTTTOOOOOPPPP!!!" and every fucker in the room did. All except him, of course. He turned round, smirked, then carried on sprinting down the corridor with a spoon in his mouth. Awesome.

My mum was actually in the loo next door at the time and she told me she paused mid-wee. blush

iliketea Fri 26-Oct-12 09:39:06

I think your friend was being nice actually. Note that she said all.her other friends "talk" about calm parenting. Maybe tmshe just hasn't seen them getting cross yet and is reassured that it's okay to be shouty on on. occasion. Like when you see another child having a tantrum.in the supermarket, you have that 'thank god it's not.just mine' thought.

FreyaKItty Fri 26-Oct-12 14:44:38

I think that you sound confident as you can be honest. Some other mums are afraid to acknowledge that their parenting is not perfect all the time. We are not asked to be perfect just good enough !

All mothers have occassions where they think '' I could have handled that better' (somedays more than one occassions) but the fact that you have thought about it and acknowledged it is a testament to your parenting

I think this is what your friend meant.

happygilmore Fri 26-Oct-12 20:50:21

I think your friend was being nice too. I like it when people are honest, I hate all that competitive best mother in the world shit. You're just feeling like this because she hit a nerve and you feel guilty - not that you have any need to. smile

OwedToAutumn Fri 26-Oct-12 20:57:55

I do that back handed compliment thing. Then I realise I've inadvertently criticised the person I was trying to empathise with. blush

And I shout with the best of 'em.

Shellywelly1973 Fri 26-Oct-12 21:43:11

Most Mums lose it on the odd occasion.

We are human, get tired, grumpy etc. The problem is its been drummed into us via the media( bloody super nanny etc) that we are not meant to lose our temper& by doing so we are bad parents.

No one wants to be shouting or losing it regularly but now&again is 'normal' IMO!

Go easy on yourself.

procrastinor Fri 26-Oct-12 21:51:59

I don't believe it if someone says they have never ever lost it. I think there are some people who are better at controlling it for the most part but at one point has yelled either at child or into a cushion.

Please I've had to leave the room because my poor DS had the sheer audacity to continue to cry despite having been burped, fed, changed and coddled. The sheer nerve of some babies. But my friends think I am the epitome of calm because I don't tell them of the bad bits.

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