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Help! parenting advise desperatley needed

(7 Posts)
stilldazed Thu 25-Oct-12 12:32:58

dd is 3 she is very fair skined and has freckles on her nose and forhead. We live in a country where this is very rare (southern europe!). she started school about 2 months ago and after a few tears initially seems to be setleing in.

yesterday she started to say she didn't like her freckles and why did she have to have freckles, this morning she was scratching herself till she bled to try to take her freckles off!! I was horrified and did the usual freckles are beautiful (whcih they are she is gorgeous...maybe I'm a bit baised!) but I really don't know what to do, should I have shouted at her and been hard on her.

please give me some advise, I really don'tknow how to handle this one!

2cats2many Thu 25-Oct-12 12:36:11

I've always told my LOs that their freckles are where the fairies kissed them in the night. They're always delighted when they 'grow' another one.

You obviously have to stop her from hurting herself, but a two -pronged attack is needed with lots of positve re-inforcement of how how cute and pretty freckles are.

TeaBrick Thu 25-Oct-12 12:38:43

Don't think you should shout at her, you need to work on increasing her confidence about the freckles. Has she been bullied or teased because of them?

stilldazed Thu 25-Oct-12 13:04:54

I think she has been teased about them, but it is difficult to get any information out of her other than; she doesn't like anybody and everyone is mean to her!

I gave her the old frekles are where her daddy kissed her when she was a baby (she is a realy daddies girl)! i also told her that one of the girls in her class told her mommy that she wanted freckles (maybe that was a step to far?!)

I just don't know whether I should have ignored it? maybe she did it for attention? or should have shouted at her..which I very very rarely do (she has never been smacked) I have always been more of a negotiator and some times I think I need to be firmer...it's so hard. shes only 3!!!

thanks to everyone for the responses.

QTPie Thu 25-Oct-12 14:33:13

We have always called freckles "beauty spots" - the more you have, the more beautiful you are! wink. Anyone who says anything else is jealous wink

No, you shouldn't be hard on her. Might not hurt to have a word with her teacher for suggestions (no-one should be made to feel uncomfortable in their skin - regardless of colour and/or markings). Maybe the teacher could do something on how we are all different, but that is the way things are and that it is the differences that make us interesting and beautiful?

I am not sure how to handle the "self harm". But definitely make her feel beautiful and loved regarding the freckles.

FariesDoExist Thu 25-Oct-12 14:43:32

No definately not be hard on her

I'd probably have a quiet word with the teacher (without DD hearing you if possible), sometimes the teacher will speak to the class about how everyone is different etc. or even get the kids to draw different faces etc. and talk about how we must be nice to everyone.

Show her your own freckles if you have any (even if on your arms etc.) and tell her how much you like them and how glad you are that you've got them (or get her daddy to do it if he has them). Try not to make too big a thing of it at home though just keep telling her how beautiful she is to you, and what a lovely girl she is, how clever she is etc. hopefully she will move on from the issue.

stilldazed Thu 25-Oct-12 15:21:06

thanks everyone, it's sometimes nice to get confirmation that you are doing the right thing. I just worry that some times I need to be more firm, it doesn't seem to get any easier this parenting lark!

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