Best pals squabbling and afterschools care

[weeonion]

Afternoon folks.

My dd is 5 and has been pals with another little girl, also 5, since they were about 2 yrs old. At same nurseries etc and were inspererable for a long time. Every weekend had a sleep over at one or others houses and everyone commented on what good friends they were.

fast forward to now - they have started school together and are in the same class. between pals mum and ourselves - we take care of the afterschool's care, sharing the days between us.

DD now doesnt want to go to her pals house any more ofr afterschool, play dates or sleepover. there has been some tension and 'squabbling' recently - which there didnt use to be and a competitive edge entering into nearly everything they do. They havent 'fallen out" or had an arguement.

It is really awkward as both families need each other to help out with child care. I dont know how to deal with this with teh girls. Any advice

[Flyonthewindscreen]

Sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear but is there no way you can pay for childcare/juggle hours around so that your DD and the other little girl aren't forced into each others company? Or at least reduce the amount of after school time they have to spend together. Perhaps they are just a bit bored of each other and wanting to spend time with other friends. I assume you and the other mum are good friends yourselves, can you have an honest chat about the situation?

[weeonion]

Hi Kamer - thanks for reply.

Neither family is in a position to have any other after schools care- there is limited availability in our area and too expensive at £25 a day. All 3 parents have already changed our working hours around to have their after schools covered. At this stage - it is the only option we have available.

We have chatted to dd pals mum. She is aware of it but we are all a bit as how to work with the girls on it.

[QTPie]

They are together virtually all the time? At school, after school, weekends? That is a lot of time if they are. Maybe they just need a bit of space and quiet (alone) time. With friendships, people choose to be together. Maybe they just need some time apart?

Are there any after school clubs that they can go to (seperately)? Anything else, so that they can have a bit if a breather from each other?

[Flyonthewindscreen]

Could you agree to forget about the playdates and sleepovers for the time being then and just keep an eye out for any possibility of sorting something else out for some of the after school time?

[weeonion]

They used to be together at weekends when at nursery but not now - only if they have a sleep over.

My dd goes to some evening activities and weekend classes without this pal but yep - they are in class together and from 3 - 6pm after school.

I know we have to give them more breathing time. Just haven't figured out with the current circumstances how to do that!

[QTPie]

Good luck.

I think that people change as they get older: some children will be friends from nursery until happily ever after, some will grow apart (naturally) and move on. I think that (when you work it out) more "breathing space" will give them the freedom to work things out their own way. With breathing space, they may well squabble less and get closer again or they may go their own seperate ways somewhat.

QT