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Hitting a parenting wall

(3 Posts)
Cbell Mon 22-Oct-12 14:10:13

I have a happy, healthy DD (21 months) who I adore.

I've been lucky enough to be able to stay at home with her and had no real plans to return to work, however, I'm not sure if it's the weather, the fact that she's getting more challenging or just that it's Monday but I feel I've hit a wall.

I need her to go to nursery so that I can have sometime to myself but feel horribly guilty. I know staying home with a grumpy mummy would be no fun for her but I'm usually very good at the SAHM role (not grumpy).

She'd only be in nursery 3 mornings a week but I know she will find it difficult to separate. I know I will find it hard to leave her. Feel wreaked with guilt and indecision.

I have this image of her crying out 'Ma, Ma, Ma' and me not being there to comfort her. That I'll be putting her through this upset for my own needs.

QTPie Mon 22-Oct-12 16:08:54


Haver you considered having a part0time nanny instead of nursery?

I have been leaving DS with a part time nanny (a very good one) since he was almost 1 (he is 2 years and 9 months now). She comes to our home, does his routine, takes him to the park, goes on walks with him, does baking with him, does drawing/sticking/crafts with him, feeds him lunch, tidies up after him, puts him down for his nap and even does some ironing whilst he naps! He has one-to-one care in his home environment. He has a lot of fun and a warm, affectionate relationship with his nanny. I feel no guilt because I know he feels safe and engaged and happy whilst I am out.

I looked at nurseries when he was about 18 months old (maybe a bit younger), but felt that he - personally - would benefit more from the one-to-one care that a nanny gave him. Many children develop academically quicker at nursery, but that is not something that I worry about yet. I felt - at his age and with his personality - that one-to-one care was more important.

She does 4 hours two mornings a week. I pay £10 an hour (plus 45p a mile for any driving she does whilst she looks after DS - so going to the park). That is probably equivalent to 3 mornings a week at nursery?

Like you, I am a SAHM: I just needed some time to myself (to go to the gym) and to get things done (like an un-hindered supermarket shop and even some time to buy gifts or try on clothes). I am incredibly lucky.

I really don't think that nursery (or other childcare) is something to be guilty about, providing you find a good one that is right for your child: there are lots of benefits (for both them and you) of having your DC cared for by someone else regularly. There may well be little hiccups whilst they settle, but those wont last. There are some excellent nurseries out there (wish that I could go back to nursery!).


N0tinmylife Mon 22-Oct-12 16:09:47

Don't feel guilty, you are allowed to have needs too! You may both find it hard to begin with, but she will probably have a great time, and you will appreciate the time you have with her when she is home so much more, so you will both benefit. Anyway, if she hates it, it sounds like you could always stop her going, so its not the end of the world!

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