DD has terrible misshappen ears - advice needed

[quickchat]

My DD will be 3 in December. She was born with large sticky out ears and one ear sticks out much more than the other and has no cartilage shape to it, just smooth. I think this lack of shape is the reason it just curls out loads IYSWIM.

I didn't care much when she was a baby as they didn't seem as bad. Also, in the big scheme of things I didn't think it was important- she is healthy. Now im worried on account of how vain she has become .

Everywhere we go she gets comments as she is very cute with huge eyes. Particularly old ladies "oh what a gorgeous girl you are" "look at her hair", "what a pretty dress" etc As a result she is sooo bloody vain.
I have to fight with her to get her out of dresses and into something warm/sensible.
She always wants to take her coat off/cardigan off so everyone can see her "pretty dress" . She drives me nuts.
She is obsessed with princesses. It's not as if I sat her down at 2 and told her about princesses but little girls seem to be drawn to all that stuff.

At the moment her ears obviously mean nothing to her but I don't think this will last. Luckily nobody notices as yet as she has tons of gorgeous hair. It is fine and falls into big ringlets naturally.

Unfortunately my hair was the very same as a little girl. My mum has told me about my amazing hair when I was little which always surprised me as I have the worst fine hair and not much of it. I have to wear it up in a ponytail as it is not worth having down. It's like my head has been in a bush fire ! She will be the same but wearing her hair up doesn't suit her at all, they are bad.

Now im thinking about my DD. Once she gets to 7-ish the big curls will go and these ears, well one of them, is going to stick out of her fine hair.

I remember my friend who had her ears pinned back at 13. Before it she was so paranoid and avoided all sports, especially swimming.

I don't want my DD to go through an operation or ask to have one as I would never ever want her going under anesthetic for something unnecessary.

I have googled other alternatives and sites have come up with kits you can buy for ?330. Obviously im dubious and was wondering if anyone has any experience of using alternatives. Im also worried im too late for this as alot seemed aimed at babies.

Any advice?

[EduCated]

What on earth does the kit do?

[quickchat]

God knows! It doesn't tell you much. I can't imagine how anything clipped on her ear will achieve anything but I just want to make sure im not missing something before my DD gets to 11 and begs me to have her ears surgically pinned back - which I just couldn't do.

[EduCated]

I would be quite concerned about anything that claims to reshape parts of the body, tbh.

[GrimmaTheNome]

I'd suggest that you go to your doctor and ask for proper advice on this. If you're willing to spend £330 on a dubious kit you could ask if you could be referred to a consultant privately, if its not eligible for NHS treatment. If there is a non-surgical alternative they will be best able to advise you.

I had a google and found this which is done under local not general anaesthetic. It says in the piece that it's 'under development' but that was 5 years ago - hopefully by now (if it works properly) it'll be established with surgeons who know how to do it. (with any sort of surgery of this nature you really do want someone who's done it lots of times before with good success rate). Anyway, if I was in your position that's what I'd want to investigate - I understand entirely your reluctance for anything requiring GA for cosmetic reasons.

I've got a 'crumpled ear' which - even back in the early 60s - could have been fixed but Dad thought it looked cute - about the only decision I've ever disagreed with him about. Fortunately I still do have good hair and I'm not excessively bothered by looks but still, on balance I wish they'd dealt with it when I was small.

[musicalendorphins]

I don't know much about cosmetic surgery. However, a friend of mine, she has passed away, but many years ago, her son had his ears pinned back. They did them one at a time. He healed very well and his ears do not stick out now.
I know a young woman who has ears that stick out a little, but it makes her look like a sweet little faerie. She is very delicate looking, and it suits her.

[Sirzy]

Firstly I would say its not your decision to make, you need to wait until she is older and then support her in making a decision for herself.

I had my ears pinned back when I was 10 which was the best decision I ever made.

[Longdistance]

Hey, I had my ears pinned back when I was 8 years old, and it was surgery back in them days, not sure what they do now, and I was bullied at school for it. That's probably why I got the surgery for it, that was 28 years ago

I'm sure I've seen these head band things that you put on your child at bedtime, that just hold back the ears. I'm sure that your dc would have to wear them for years every night to see any improvement.

Best to go see your docs, and see why options you have.

[VivaLeBeaver]

A friend of mine her dd had her ears pinned back when she was about 10 or 11. Her dd chose to have it done. They managed to get the NHS to pay for it but this was about 5 or 6 years ago, I don't think they'd pay for it these days.

[Northernlurkerisbehindyouboo]

I agree- go to your GP and ask about options. Fwiw I don't think ear pinning is an unnecessary procedure. If it is very obvious it WILL affect your dd's view of herself and long term could potentially affect her mental health. Of course there are ways of supporting her with that but surgery is imo a safe and valid alternative.

[Chopstheduck]

I've heard of splinting ears, but I think it is only really for much younger children. I don't think it is going to work for your dd now.


Wait and see what happens. I had mine pinned back at 10, it was very straightforward and I'm really glad my mum pushed for the surgery. My ds1 would like it too, but it's very difficult to get on the NHS now, as it is cosmetic.

I agree with sirzy, it should be her choice when she is old enough to make that decision

[ZuleikaD]

I agree with going to the GP to talk about the ears.

On the other front, the vanity issue, I would be inclined to discourage it as far as possible. Don't praise her looks, and if someone else does, point out how much more important it is to be polite, helpful etc. Perhaps buy her fewer dresses and more trousers. The princess thing isn't just something they go through - DD is nearly 4 and thinks princesses are stupid. :-)

[quickchat]

Thanks for all the advice. I did think it sounded too good to be true.

If I can't get something that doesn't involve surgery then I will have to wait and hope she doesn't bother.

I have read some stuff on the internet on local anesthetic but some people had said it was painful afterwards and horrible at the time too. I can't put her through anything like that when she hasn't asked for it herself. If she does when she is older at least she will understand what's going on.

I do agree it is her decision to make but I just pray she isn't bullied at all. Even a few hurtful comments is enough to destroy someones confidence at a young age.

I could kick myself for not doing something when she was a baby.

zuleika I have asked my friends and family to not comment on her looks at all. Strangers you can't avoid. I had an old lady in a garden center just today run through all the usual's, "pretty dress, hair, girl" while my extra vain 2 yr old grinned like mad. Makes me nervous.
The dresses were fine in the summer, it's only now, for the first time that im seeing this is going to be a problem in the winter!

I find myself trying to talk her into leggings and a cardi. I tell her she will get a bad cold and not be able to go swimming. Then I tell her her friends will be wearing leggings. By the end of this she is screaming and dragging dresses out of her wardrobe and I find myself falling into "but this is a pretty top, princesses wear tops just like this" argghhhh. It does sometimes work and when it's raining and cold im just relieved. Not helpful at all though!!

Im so glad my other two are boys. My 5 year old would go out in PJ's and my 7 week old never seems to care much either .

[GrimmaTheNome]

Princess fixation ... you need to find some pictures of a real princess. The Princess Royal, indeed. Like <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=princess+anne+horse&hl=en&lr=&biw=1298&bih=740&tbm=isch&tbnid=dsGWimLG9v11cM:&imgrefurl=www.standard.co.uk/olympics/olympics-sport/zara-phillips-wins-olympics-selection-7843718.html%3Faction%3Dgallery%26ino%3D4&docid=ro__zsZ0zGZaUM&itg=1&imgurl=www.standard.co.uk/incoming/article7843909.ece/ALTERNATES/w620/ZARA-4.jpg&w=620&h=413&ei=4Z2FUMiMNMzriQLxp4GwDA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=976&vpy=345&dur=2227&hovh=183&hovw=275&tx=233&ty=90&sig=103636278413101977299&page=2&tbnh=169&tbnw=224&start=18&ndsp=22&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:18,i:146" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">this

(of course if you're not careful, that line could lead to her wanting a pony...)

[ZuleikaD]

Zog is quite good for encouraging the thinking that princesses should have a career.