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Any one with a large age gap between your kids? Some musings and questions if you have a mo..

(10 Posts)
nananaps Sat 20-Oct-12 11:28:21

There is going to be almost 10 years between mine when this one arrives.

Ds is 9 now, he is pretty self sufficient but as he has always been my pfb and a child never thought i would have we adore him.

We have a lovely family life and we are all SO excited about this other wee one...who again, we never thought we would have.

Are there any top tips on helping ds adapt to another person in the house?
Is there anything i should look out for behaviour wise to show he is worrying about stuff?

I dont want to take it for granted that he is ok because he is just cracking on with life/stuff bless him smile
Thanks x

HopingItllBeOK Sat 20-Oct-12 11:46:26

There is 14 months between my eldest 2 and 11 and 12 years between them and DS3. The main thing I would say is Encourage, don't Expect. Encourage DS to get involved in preparations for the impending sibling but don't expect him to. Encourage him to pick out outfits/toys etc but don't worry too much if he isn't interested.

DS1&2 tolerated Ds3 as a baby but weren't really that interested. Now that the baby can walk, laugh and has developed a bit of a personality they are great with him. DS2 was telling me last week about how he is going to go to the university local to us, so he can come home on Saturdays to take DS3 to football matches.

One handy hint a friend was told recently that I wish I'd thought of when DS3 was a baby is to let the older ones see the baby waiting for your attention sometimes so they don't feel like the new baby is getting all the attention. Obviously crying needs to be seen to ASAP, but your DS is old enough that you can explain that crying means baby is upset and DS would want you to drop everything and go to him if he cried, so it's only fair that you do the same for the baby, but when you have got to know the baby a bit and have worked out when a grizzle just means they are settling down and don't really need you, that is a great time to say ''just a minute please baby, I am busy with DS just now"

Oh and have a discrete word with visiting family and friends in the early days and ask them to please make a fuss of DS as well, and maybe bring him a little something too if they are bringing a new baby gift so he doesn't feel left out.

ledkr Sat 20-Oct-12 11:51:14

My eldest is 27 youngest is one, the three boys all live independently and my girls are ten and one dd1 dotes on dd2 but then she ways wanted a baby sister so it's been easy.
Just include the older one but still make plenty of time for him alone. Even dd feels it sometimes I think but I'm carefull to look out for it and rectify if I can

Missmuffet28 Sat 20-Oct-12 11:51:55

I'm also interested in people's opinions on this like you op there will be 11 years between ds1 and dc2 when they arrive. At the moment ds1 is excited but i really am scared about how he might feel/cope when baby is here!! So if its ok with you op I'm gonna read your replies also smile

FizzyLaces Sat 20-Oct-12 12:00:09

I have girls with 11 years between my gorgeous girls. The eldest is 15 and mostly it has been wonderful. Sometimes it had been like having 2 toddlers. The youngest is sometimes usually much more sensible and rational than her big sister!

nananaps Sat 20-Oct-12 12:04:28

Like that suggestion of making baby wait a bit to demonstrate that ds is still important.

He will be fine i am sure, but i worry about him.

Because the baby isnt coming till January, its aaaaages away for him so he has lost interest now, but im not bothered about that particularly.

I just want him to be ok i spose.

HopingItllBeOK Sat 20-Oct-12 12:25:12

I can't vouch for how effective that advice will be, like I say it didn't occur to me when DS3 was a baby so I haven't put it to the test. It sounds good in theory though!

Fuzzymum1 Sun 21-Oct-12 13:13:05

My older boys were 13 and 9 when DS3 arrived - we have tried very hard not to expect them to help out but to encourage them to be involved as much as they wanted to. Now that he is approaching six he has a great relationship with DS1 and a pretty good relationship with DS2. We tried to keep as much normal as possible - sticking to their activities, still spending one to one time with them. on the whole it's been great - it had all the novelty of having a first born again with the experience of having done it all before :D

Moominsarescary Sun 21-Oct-12 13:21:52

Mine are 17 9 and 19 months so 8 years between each. I'd say if they want to help out in anyway let them if possible, don't worry if they're not too interested at first. Mine became far more involved once they knew they'd get baby smiles!

Try to make one to one time with the eldest, we did have a few complaints from ds2 that ds3 took up all my time.

Jokat Fri 09-Nov-12 17:18:25

Ooo nananaps, I can't give you any advice on this, but it is wonderful to hear everything still seems to be going just fine with your miracle bump grin

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