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What do you think is the best age gap between DCs and why?

(33 Posts)
SquidgersMummy Tue 16-Oct-12 22:48:46

DD only little but when do we go for no 2?? What have you found - or what do you wished you'd done??

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coldcupoftea Tue 16-Oct-12 22:55:24

2 years 2 months between my DDs. If I could have planned it perfectly I would have gone for 3 years- that way DD1 would have been out of nappies and in preschool by the time DD2 was born.

But in general I think anything from 2-4 years is pretty good. Any less and you'll go insane grin. Anymore and they probably won't be that close, and will be less likely to play together.

COCKadoodledooo Tue 16-Oct-12 23:56:01

What works for one family won't necessarily work for another.
There's almost 6 years between my two and it's working pretty well so far. I couldn't have managed two babies/toddlers together. There should have been 3 and a bit years between ds2 and dc3 which I was both looking forward to and dreading in equal measure to be perfectly honest. Sadly it wasn't to be.
We're decided atm that there will be no more for us but I can definitely see myself changing my mind once ds2 has started school!

MirandaWest Tue 16-Oct-12 23:57:00

I've found 22 months is fine. Which is good seeing as that's what I've got smile

MirandaWest Wed 17-Oct-12 00:03:34

There's 7.5 years between my sister and me. That is fine as well.

MrsShrek3 Wed 17-Oct-12 00:15:21

Ds1-ds2 2yrs 9 months (ok, very different personalities so not a lot in common apart from family and sharing a room!)
Ds2-dd - 2yrs 2 months - brilliant!! Wish I'd known that before!!

Big gap between my elder sibs and me - I feel like an only, no real sib relationship with either of them.

smellsabit Wed 17-Oct-12 00:27:19

18 months
15 months
18 months
too close i went insane!
ideal world 3 years

AThingInYourLife Wed 17-Oct-12 01:02:14

Agree with Miranda, 22 month is ace.

2.5 years between DD2 and DD3, seems OK so far but DD2 can be quite violent towards DD3 and is quite jealous.

Loving the 4.3 years between DD1 and DD3. DD1 really enjoyed the pregnancy, loves having a baby sister, can be a great help.

sleeplessinsuburbia Wed 17-Oct-12 01:23:16

I agree there's no perfect time and you can't guarantee it will happen as you hope anyway.
I have less than 1.5 years between mine and they are best friends. May be a nightmare for someone else.
Think about how long you plan to not work, if you space them out you may be unable to work for longer which may or may not be a problem.

ArtyJennie Wed 17-Oct-12 13:28:30

5 years between dd's. It's working well so far (dd2 is only 8 weeks) it's lovely starting all over again with the baby stuff. Dd1 has just started school so I can focus on dd2 during the day. Dd1 has shown no signs of being jealous, she loves helping with the baby- helping to bath her with me etc.

popsypie Wed 17-Oct-12 13:32:33

17 months between my dds. First year was hell - I can barely remember it - Groundhog Day! However now they are best friends and holidays, days out are so easy. So in hindsight I am glad I just went for it.

Giantess Wed 17-Oct-12 14:45:31

The main factor in my planning has been selfish! I enjoyed having 6 months when I had stopped bf-ing and hadn't started ttc. I got fit, went out, went away with DH on holiday etc. So I don't know about the sibling dynamics, but when I was pregnant again I could enjoy it having had a break. DSs will be 3 school years apart, they are 2y4m in age gap. If we ha

Giantess Wed 17-Oct-12 14:48:58

(oops) ... If we have a 3rd I'd like them similarly spaced. I think I've been quite influenced by my siblings age gaps - 3 school years seems normal to me.

Pourquoimoi Wed 17-Oct-12 14:50:40

We planned a 2yr gap but it took a while to conceive so we ended up with a 3yr 6wks gap which actually has turned out very well. In retrospect I was glad it was more than 2 yrs.

juneau Wed 17-Oct-12 14:59:23

I think the most important thing is you and how you think you'll cope. I knew I couldn't manage a small gap - I struggled to adjust to motherhood in the early days and knew I needed a decent gap. I ended up with 3.6 years, which was good. Some sibling jealousy, inevitably, but generally good and DS1 was very excited about the baby and understood exactly what was going on. I'd try to time it so that your older one is not at a major boundary though like starting school.

sensiblebev Wed 17-Oct-12 15:06:34

My dds are 3.4 years apart as I wanted to savour my babies, however to start with I found going back to square one very hard and my eldest was terribly jealous. Now they're 9 and 12 it's hard to entertain both girls together(only recently changed) but I wouldn't have it any other way!

YerMaw1989 Wed 17-Oct-12 15:08:35

I'd say 2 , 3 years.

notcitrus Wed 17-Oct-12 15:23:28

Whatever you can get. Was aiming for 1 year, got 3.6. Which, apart from the sadness when every mum I knew was having no 2 with a 2ish year gap, has been great so far - ds is old enough to understand but not to remember life before dd. Currently they dote on each other, but she can't crawl yet.

2 years seems the worst, larger age gaps seem fine but end up a bit less close as teens, then make up for it, IME.

zzzzz Wed 17-Oct-12 15:27:31

2 years works well for us.

Baaartimaeus Wed 17-Oct-12 15:43:54

It's an interesting subject isn't it.

I've been very conditionned by what happened in our family (2.5 years gap) as we were very close when children/teens (not so much now we're adults though we've never really fought).

I know someone who gave birth one week after I did and is expecting her second with an 18 month gap which just makes me shudder. But that might be because a) I had awful sickness throughout my pregnancy and b) my 13month old is an awful awful sleeper whereas hers has slept well from the beginning and I think she coasted her first pregnancy too.

We're hoping for a 2 year 8 month ish gap. I'd like a bit smaller but I really want to get a promotion at work before going on maternity leave. I know it sounds silly having work dictate the gap so to speak, but this is an important promotion.

Still, we'll be TTC based on the fact that I got pregnant first month last time which may not be the case this time so we might end up with a bigger gap.

MrawMraw Wed 17-Oct-12 15:47:44

DD is almost 7, DS has just turned 3.

I had DS when DD was 3.9, I thought it was pretty good, perhaps 2.9 would have been a little better looking back because DS has only just started nursery and it will be another 2 years until he goes to school.

They play together fine, but I almost went insane when DS was born with the stress of childrearing so goodness knows how I'd have done it with 2 babies in nappies, and double buggies etc shock

A woman I know has - DD (5) DD(4) DD (2) DS (4 months). I would be insane by then!

phantomhairpuller Wed 17-Oct-12 18:14:35

DC2 is due two weeks after DS's 2nd birthday. I'm pooping myself a little bit if I'm honest wink

SquidgersMummy Wed 17-Oct-12 23:13:13

Hmm, thanks, interesting isn't it - my DD is ivf baby ....reckon sibling would have to be too..... so it's a difficult choice between giving DD all the time she needs and not leaving it too long as increasingly less likely to work. On plus side am loving the mummy bits (though so far she's been a good sleeper and that could all change).

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Baaartimaeus Thu 18-Oct-12 12:02:54

Ah yes I can understand that being a difficult choice.

I think you could find an example of every age gap under the sun where a) the siblings adore each other or b) the siblings hate each other.

And again, c) where siblings adored each other growing up but drifted apart as adults and d) siblings who hated each other as children but are really close as adults.

It depends very much on the children and the family dynamic and a million other things that you just can't predict before.

DD is 2.3yrs, there would have been 34 months between her and DC2 but wasn't to be.

I'd still like to try to have as near 3 years as possible. there was 4 years between my sister and I and we loathe each other, always have! But DH and BIL have 2 years (just) between them and they are not especially close either. I think its just a what works well for some doesn't work for others.

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