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Advice please. Feel like I'm losing my relationship with my daughter.

(8 Posts)
BalderdashPigsty Mon 15-Oct-12 18:52:39

At the moment we are currently living with the in laws while we wait for the sale to complete on the new house.

We've been here now for over 3 months. Since we've been here mil has really enjoyed spending lots of time with DD and has been really spoiling her. She also undermines me constantly. Whenever I say no to DD (who is 15 months) mil always takes over and let's DD do it anyway. Even with really ridiculous stuff like playing on the stairs (which are curved, wooden and have a stone floor at the bottom!). It's got to the point where when I say no DD pushes me away and runs off shouting 'gamma gamma' mil scoops her up and then gives her whatever I was saying no too.

At the moment DD just doesn't seem to want to know me at all. Won't cuddle/kiss/let me play with her. And up until about a month ago she was a complete mummy's girl.

We're going to take to mil about it tonight. No idea what we'll say but something needs to be said.

How can I repair my relationship with DD? I don't know what to do and it's really upsetting me. Starting to feel like the worst mum in the world.

QTPie Mon 15-Oct-12 19:16:39

You are a brilliant mum: the problem is your MIL - she needs to respect boundaries and your authority (as far as DD is concerned). However, unfortunately, you are her guests and may well have to play by her rules (as unfair as they are).

Grandparents spoiling grandchildren is incredibly common (my DS plays up a lot more during and after my MIL visits - she means well, but will pander to demands/crying/screaming - which I do not...). Normally a few days after her (normally week long) visits, DS comes back to reality again. However, if I ever want MIL to look after DS, I have to accept that her parenting may not be up to my standards.

So (in particular your DP), have an honest talk to MIL and explain that you really are not happy with this and would appreciate it if she would "step back". But be mindful that - at the moment - you are benefiting from her "hospitality" and she may or may not be amenable to your requests.

QTPie Mon 15-Oct-12 19:19:19

(depending on what sort or person your MIL is... Regardless, eventually after you move out, your DD WILL return to your parenting.... Although you might not want to spend a huge amount of time with the MIL, IF she isn't amenable to your requests for support and respect)

imperialstateknickers Mon 15-Oct-12 19:19:49

Have you any idea how much longer you're going to be stuck in her house? Any chance you could go elsewhere for the rest of the wait?

imperialstateknickers Mon 15-Oct-12 19:20:57

Oh and as QTPie says it won't take long for you to re-establish once you're back on your own turf.

Woozley Mon 15-Oct-12 19:21:49

Don't forget also you'll be out soon and in your own place. It might seem like a long time now but it really isn't in the grand scheme of things. Try and enjoy the benefits of MIL taking over while you can like having some time for yourself.

BalderdashPigsty Mon 15-Oct-12 19:46:23

We should be out within a month or so. We were only supposed to be here at the most a month originally but the sale just keeps getting delayed. If I'd of know it would be this long we would have rented somewhere.

I really hope things go back to normal once were living in our own home. My relationship with DD is more important or me than anything else and I feel like absolute crap at the moment sad

Madlizzy Mon 15-Oct-12 19:48:30

These couple of months are so short compared to the rest of your lives. She'll be mummy's girl again once you move out.

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