I am old and tired

[littleshebear]

I need some words of wisdom to get me through.... Basically I have four children, the eldest has just gone to university, we get on so well and I do miss him, although very happy for him as he is enjoying himself and on great course.I then have a 17 year old DD who again is great, we are not quite on the same wavelength and she has her moments but generally ok, then a 14 year old DS who has always been hard work, and a lively 10 year old DD.

My eldest two always got on really well, DD1 and DD2 get on ok but I am afraid DS2 doesn't really get on with either of them so it is hard work being a referee for all the rows erupting.And while DD1 and DS2 are not bad teenagers they are still teenagers and quite hard work sometimes and never go to bloody bed without much coaxing, need emotional support etc.

I work full time out of severe financial necessity- we have just put our house up for sale and I am really worried about the move, if it is a good idea, loss of any sort of financial stability(we may well have to rent). We have been all round the houses though and I am confident it is the only option or especially when we are paying for two kids at uni we will go under.My job is appallingly stressful and if I'm honest too much for me. DH works two evenings as well as full time adding to pressure.

I just feel so crap all the time, worn out, I go to work, endure that, then come home and do the basics, referee the rows! but nothing more. I feel really sorry for DD2 as although she gets taken to clubs etc(very sporty) I don't feel I do half the stuff with her I did with the others at that age, just leave her watching tv/reading while I do jobs or have a lie down because I am so worn out.I feel I do a better job with the teenagers!I have to say she seems quite happy and if I say this to DH he just says she is ok and I worry too much and we are just old and tired!(Just fyi I am nearly 46 and he is 47!)

I have suffered from depression and don't think I am at the moment but there is a danger I will be if I don't get a grip- it seems that strain of selling house and DS1 leaving has affected me a bit.I have just had some blood tests and GP is lovely but would prefer some tips on how to manage? Has anyone any ideas about nice cheap things I could do with especially DD2 to give her more attention? or ideas for cheap/free things I could do for me?Or how I can organise myself better?I ultimately feel quite hopeful, all children are lovely if hard work, we both earn reasonable salaries and are very lucky compared with loads of people, but I am near the edge!

[thewhistler]

Not much help here as feel similar without your reasons but didn't want to read and run. You have a huge amount going on, no wonder you are down and exhausted.

Check your diet and sleep, also whether you are drinking enough water. Give up something if you need more sleep, eg the ironing. And a wise MNer said, have three things you can do to cheer yourself up, one short term, ( a cup of tea?), one longer term ( getting on with that knitting), one emergency( the secret bar of chocolate).

If money is going to be tight this Christmas, why don't you get dd and Ds2 as well to help.you make decorations, presents for the ILS? They are old enough to make really professional ones.
If the house is going to need fresheningg up before sale, get them to help paint and declutter.

Do a bit of girly window shopping with dd, maybe buy her some nail varnish. Cost equals , travel, coffee, nail varnish. Or do a makeover with her, using your make up one afternoon.

What they want is you, not things.

We have recently started having Friday night at the cinema. We have a list of films, we rotate the choice, microwave popcorn, and we all watch it. I am allowed to crochet or mend during it as I can't sit still. V cheap, easy. On Sundays in theory we have music night, DH and I are allowed to put on our choice of music and we eat to that.

Good luck and remember there us no shame in ads.

[littleshebear]

Thanks, much appreciated, actually writing it down really helped, thought no wonder I feel crap. Sleep is the big thing I miss out on as I find it hard to nod off when other people are awake, then also want half an hour on my own before I go to bed!I am going to be on my own with DD2 tomorrow so after taking her to football going to do some of your suggestions-she would like nail varnish, not sure about make up though, she's not that girly! I think when I get overwhelmed all the good work I have done in ensuring I schedule in enjoyable stuff just slides.

Good idea re Christmas too- except Ds2 has never done craft, but thinking he may help make sweets or cakes?

Alas I have never taken up the ironing to give up, but definitely will look at what else i can give up or simplify.

[thewhistler]

Chocolate truffles and peppermint creams are almost fail safe, my family adores tablet, the Scottish version if fudge so that is a sure thing. Either cheap boxes decorated or jam jars ditto.

Spray painting fircones is quite fun.

At this age get them working on industrial processes. Play the penny blossoms episode of The Big Bang Theory to them.

Sleep is key. I too need time, reading time, before I go to sleep. I have started making Ds go to bed earlier. It frees up my evening and I point out all the research on sleep.