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My children are just never bloody happy

(7 Posts)
Mosman Thu 11-Oct-12 01:09:46

I am so so sad about this all I ever wanted was a family and now it's just not how I pictured life would be at all.
The first 5 years were crazy but good. I was at home with three under 4 for a while and super mum with lots of hobbies, great social life, children doing well at school.
It just seems to have gone down hill from there.
I went back to college when the youngest was three and then onto work. Within a year of me starting work DH was made redundant and he's not really got back up to speed in over 4 years, worked for six months of that time and just had set back after set back.
This is definitely affecting me and the children not to mention his confidence.
I try to give them the world, they go to a nice school, live in a nice house, we spend lots of time with them at the weekend at the park going for nice walks etc. the truth is though they treat us like shit, answer back, fight amongst themselves and I mean fight, three girls screaming and punching is not good to watch and horrendous when they do it in the supermarket as they did yesterday.
I'm at my wits end with it all
Anyone else come through this stage and resumed a normal life ? I'm so worried this will split DH and I up which will hardly make them any happier.

SavoyCabbage Thu 11-Oct-12 01:21:17

Hello, do you think it is the move that has tipped them over the edge? My girls are definitely emotionally scarred by moving here. I think it makes their world quite small. Their friends all have extended family picking them up from school or taking them swimming at the weekends. We only have the four of us. Perhaps they are sick of the sight of each other!

I tell mine that they are spoiling their lives blush by squabbling with each other as they have a nicer time when they do get on.

I wouldn't be taking them anywhere if they treat you that badly. Could you have a family meeting and tell them it has to stop?

Mosman Thu 11-Oct-12 02:19:50

I don't know they were horrors at times before we got here, with all the added stress of the overseas move I think has just tipped me over the edge in terms of coping DH is definitely feeling it.

QTPie Thu 11-Oct-12 08:39:16

What do you discipline the bad behaviour? It might be understandable at the end of the day (move, big change in circumstances etc), but their behaviour will be feeding off of each other. It may well be a phase, but I think it is important to make it very clear that it is not acceptable.

Agree that you do need to talk to them (individually): find out what is going on - to see if you can do anything to help - but make it very clear that it is not an excuse for bad behaviour.

Do you still have lots of quality family time? Parks etc?

Mosman Thu 11-Oct-12 09:12:10

Every weekend is dedicated to them, sometimes it willing participated in, other times you'd think they were off to the dentists for root canal rather than a trip to the beach or park.
I think you're right about them being sick of the sight of each other and winding each other up though and the cycle needs to be broken. It's been a tough 6 months so I've not wanted to come down too hard on them us they've had DH's mother sticking her oar in too. It feels like I was the only one with any patience with them so I'm trying to over compensate I guess in the little time I am there. It's exhausting.

SavoyCabbage Thu 11-Oct-12 09:34:17

Don't do ot then. Go to Bunnings this weekend for some linseed oil and then paint the outdoor furniture. Or similar.

You could try and spend some one on one time with each one. Take them out of school even.

QTPie Thu 11-Oct-12 10:04:24

You sound to be doing a great job in difficult circumstances.

Is your MIL local? Maybe family treat time at weekends should be just that: anyone who isn't delighted at the prospect stays at home. Go out, have a blast, don't forget to talk all about how fun it was when you get home? Remind them that going out is a treat and not a right and don't let miserable ones ruin it for the rest of you.

It is easy to over compensate. However, there is really nothing wrong with "firm, fair and consistent". Bring that back in, but make it very clear that you love them and - although specific behaviour is not acceptable - each time you acknowledge and move on. Get DH onboard on the strategy too: so you are consistent and they can't play you off against each other.

Have a good talk with DH - work on this together and don't let their behaviour put further strain on your relationship. Do you get any "couple" time - just the two of you?

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