My DS has not been invited to one of his best friends birthday party.

[topsi]

My DS 5 has said that his best friend at school has handed out invites to his birthday party and he has not been invited. He is upset and says he is going to talk to his friends Mum about it in the playground! I have tried to explain to him that this would very embarassing for me and that unfortunately if this is what his friend wants to do then there is nothing we can do about it. I am not that friendly with the boys mum but the boy has been round to our house a few times to play.
I feel very anxious about the whole situation as I am not great at chatting to the other mums in the play ground. He has been invited to lots of the class partys and seems to be friendly and playful with the other kids.
I expect that it is more to do with who the mum is friendly with and maybe she is arranging something where spaces are limited but I don't know how to deal with any embarassing situations in the play ground and am unsure as to how to explain to DS why he is not invited and why it is embarassing for him to bring the subject up infront of hid mum!
Help!

[QTPie]

My reaction from reading it is to let your son raise it. Why should you be embarrassed if he asks the Mum about it? He is asking an honest question and I don't think it would be rude to ask.

Young children do tend to have (and regularly swap) many "best friends", but if your DS and the other boy are truly good friends, then it is very sad that he wasn't invited. Maybe the Mum just forgot him?

QT

[CaseyShraeger]

I agree with QT.

[ellesabe]

Ooh that's a difficult one. If it were me, I would invite the boy round for another play-date and ask him or his mum off-the-cuff if he's looking forward to his party. It might be that his invite was lost or that he has just been overlooked and could get a last-minute invite. Tricky.

[beautyfades]

i would just say, blah blah said such an such is having a party, an seemd to think he would of been invited lol. just very lightehearted.

[marbleslost]

Difficult one. It might be that the friend isn't as close as he thinks - they do change around a lot. Or it might be that the mum is inviting people where she knows the parents. Why not suggest your ds asks the boy rather than his mum? He'll get a more honest answer that way and will hopefully do it when you're not there to witness it. But no, I wouldn't be happy with him asking the mum in front of me.

They can be pretty heartless at this sort of age. Mine wasn't invited to the party of what I'd thought quite a good friend. He invited all her friends, whom he wasn't as friendly with, and left her out two years running. She took it quite well considering. And it was a good opportunity for having a chat about what makes a nice friend and how to choose people who don't upset you.

[Shutupanddrive]

Agree with marbles that he should ask the friend. Maybe he has been forgotten

[Revelsarethebest]

He is upset and says he is going to talk to his friends Mum about it in the playground!

This make me chuckle! I think you should let him ask her, if she has deliberatly missed out your son when he is friendly with her child then she deserves to be embarassed and confronted by a 5year old!

[janek]

Some parents just don't know who their children's friends are. I am one such parent. When dd had her party last year, anyone i suggested inviting she said yes to, she herself suggested inviting people who i am fairly sure she does not play with.

In the end i wrote a list, she agreed to it and the invitations were written, but we could easily have missed out her 'best' friend because she tells me very little of what goes on at school.

My point is it may be nothing personal and not deliberate.

[janek]

And actually him mentioning it to the mother may sort it out!

[shewhoknowsall]

Let your son ask away..you have no reason to be embarrassed. It's part and parcel of growing up dealing with these mini rejections and sadly we have to let our children deal with these situations. My DD doesn't tell me anything about school and her best friend's mum is always asking me did you about this or that? and I never have a clue.

[purplehouse]

Let him mention it to the mother or the friend himself.

[AThingInYourLife]

Agree janek, DD wanted to invite a boy from her nursery class to her birthday party because her friend of the same name couldn't come.

She wanted a substitute Charlie :o