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cc support SUPPORT ONLY PLEASE no judgement

(72 Posts)
LoveYouForeverMyBaby Tue 09-Oct-12 22:44:19

In the midst of it right now and feel like my heart is ripping in 2. Crying my eyes out please someone give me support! Last resort can"t cope with dd waking every 2 hrs after 6 months of sleeping 11 solid hrs. Please NO JUDGEMENT everyone in the house is exhausted its the last resort can"t cope with walking the streets shattered in tears anymore. Dd is constantly shattered now too. She is 11 months and slept 11 soild hrs for the last 6 months. Not teething, not ill. Was ill hence why cuddled to sleep co slept and now shes well her sleep is completely screwed up. Please really need support.

lorisparkle Tue 09-Oct-12 22:57:57

Sounds so hard, when you are so sleep deprived life is so hard. DS1 was an appalling sleeper but found that when they wake frequently after sleeping well it is even harder to cope with.

If you feel CC is not for you then you could look at the book 'Teach your child to sleep' by the Millpond Clinic. It goes through lots of different ways to teach your child to sleep (including CC) so may give you an option that is easier for all involved.

Just keep in mind that it is easier to be a good parent if you have had a good nights sleep and a child who has slept well is a happier child so in the long run you should have a happier child and parent!

Good Luck

QTPie Tue 09-Oct-12 23:01:05

Hi

No judgement: sleep deprivation is the worst! sad

Are you SURE she is not teething? I ask because my DS slept through from 12 weeks until about 12/13 months, then we had disrupted nights until 19 months! These were the 6/7 months when his first molars and canines were coming through (they are the worst!). It is often before you actually get a physical sign that the worst pain/disruption happens... Honestly, when those teeth came through (finished at exactly 19 months), he also through pretty religiously again: it was like a switch....

We only have one DC and I am a SAHM. We out a mattress on the floor next to DS's cot with a duvet and pillow. We took turns (alternate nights) going in and sleeping there (handing his hand): he just wanted to know soneone was there. Mostly we would get reasonable sleep. Most nights were dusrupted, but it worked for us. It didn't work taking him in to our bed: he thought it was play time if we did.

Good luck. Teething is nasty, but it does end eventually... Honestly, you can blame most things on teething or illness (disrupted sleep, grumpiness, biting etc etc... ).

Things will get better smile

LoveYouForeverMyBaby Tue 09-Oct-12 23:03:44

Cc worked so well first time round but now she can stand in cot and walk around she just wont settle. Been going on for 45 fucking minutes now we're both hysterical! I cant cope with starting my day at 4am anymore and surviving on 3 hrs broken sleep in 24 hrs I just cant!! Sobbing uncontrollably now.

QTPie Tue 09-Oct-12 23:08:54

I am so sorry sad

LoveYouForeverMyBaby Tue 09-Oct-12 23:11:32

Qt definetly not teething.it started from her being ill so obviously I would never do cc when she was ill so cuddled to sleep and co slept. Then she started teething so continued. Weeks later she no wakes on cue :
7pm down for bed
10.20pm exactly first waking on the dot
Then will wake every 1-2hrs until 4pm when she starts the day exhausted as hell but wont nap til midday.
Same pattern always the same.

LoveYouForeverMyBaby Tue 09-Oct-12 23:13:49

Oh refuses to ever help as I am on mat leave and he works so he sleeps through while I get 3 hrs broken sleep. Hence why I am so hystetical at this point.

GrimAndHumourless Tue 09-Oct-12 23:14:25

don't cry sweetie

dry your tears, blow your nose

now, shoulders back, chin up, this is night one, the worst

tomorrow night might be a bit grimola too

thurs, a squeak or two

friday night - imagine how amazing you'll ALL feel come Saturday morning with a full night's sleep under your belts

<shakes pom poms>

GrimAndHumourless Tue 09-Oct-12 23:15:12

oh and feel free to use OH's toothbrush to scrub loo grin

Shenanagins Tue 09-Oct-12 23:18:11

i try and keep to the same routine every night and will only pick up once from the cot, give a 5min cuddle before putting him back down before going and standing outside the room. if he still doesn't settle i will go back and stroke his cheek for 5 mins and then go and leave. i don't talk or fuss over him whilst doing it.

it is very hard to do and i only do this if he is not teething or ill.

I hope you get something sorted soon.

geologygirl Tue 09-Oct-12 23:24:07

Try to persevere and dont worry so much. Crying is not doing any lasting damage and to be honest with you, its better to tough it out for a few nights and then have the little one able to get a good nights sleep herself. It will be best in the long run as sleep is so important for their development and general mood! I know exactly how you feel as my LO was BF for a year and we co-slept quite a lot...so it was hard getting him into that proper routine.

I eventually had to put him to bed and let him cry. He was particularly stubborn (a bit like me!) and cried for ages. Then it turned to more like shouting/whinging. He practically fell asleep sitting up in his cot because he wore himself out. It was heartbreaking but I knew it would only be a few nights. It took 4 nights...and then on 5th night he moaned for about 10mins and slept through ever since.

Just make sure she is really well fed in the day and stick with it. Any time she wakes up in the night, dont go right in. Give it 10mins before heading in there. If still crying, go in and check she's ok. Keep the lights off and just rub her back or tummy for a few mins and say "night night" or whatever it is you say, and then leave the room. Dont pick her up. Just keep her lying in her cot and do it that way.

Try it anyway. This is what I do with my LO. He is very good now and sleeps fine, but sometimes he does wake up and cries because he's tired and cant get back to sleep again. I go in to reassure really and then leave. He often pipes up when he realises Im walking out, but then is absolutely fine and goes back to sleep or starts chatting to himself!

LFCisTarkaDahl Tue 09-Oct-12 23:25:18

Can you give her pain medication/something to get her drowsy anyway - just in case she is teething or in any pain in the ears after the cold.

That way if she sleeps with medication plus cc and then you stop the medication after a couple of days and she can't sleep again then you KNOW she's in pain.

QTPie Tue 09-Oct-12 23:26:08

Oh dear, OH should help out really (I admit that I am very lucky with a kind OH). Does OH at least help out at weekends? And for that first waking (assume he isn't in bed at 10.20?)? You may be on maternity leave, but sleep deprivation is inhumane and you cannot cope without support...

It is honestly no surprise that you are hysterical.

Have you tried sleeping next to her cot?

When DS had disrupted nights (although I put it down to teething), he would generally want to be up at 5am or so (not as bad as 4am). One of us would always lie next to his cot. We wouldn't get up before 6.30am/7 (kept him in the cot, lights off, no books or toys, no talking...). It took some time, but he eventually got the message (awake before 7am is boring - better off asleep ;) ): if you begin the day early, then they begin to expect it.

Currently when you do settle DD, how do you do it?

Do you have any option to nap (during the day) when DD naps? Just trying to think of immediate help... You need to prioritise sleep for yourself.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Tue 09-Oct-12 23:28:59

I don't actually see how you can ask on a forum that espouses free speech within the bounds of the law not to get any judgement.

My take on it is that CC has been proven to raise cortisol levels in the blood, which long term can contribute towards health issues later in life.

I think CC is cruel.

QTPie Tue 09-Oct-12 23:30:50

I second GrimAndHumourless re how to scrub the loo.... (unless your OH is an air traffic controller working extra long shifts... Otherwise most working men can help out)

QTPie Tue 09-Oct-12 23:34:05

The OP needs help and support, not added stress...

GrimAndHumourless Tue 09-Oct-12 23:34:31

I know Couthy, that research was on the under one age group IIRC though. Plus of course your offering an unsupportive post claiming freedom of speech kinda goes against the ethos of MN which is to make parents' lives easier

OP's baby is nearly one, OP is on her knees and the whole family suffering; have a heart, please

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 09-Oct-12 23:35:37

OP how many days has she been like this? Sounds like a fairly standard developmental regression to me.

You could always try kicking your useless husband onto the sofa and have her in bed with you, my two just like to be near me when they can't sleep. If you are shattered, then so is she but with no idea why. Letting her scream herself hysterical isn't going to help her settle, IMO.

Are you getting some sleep when she naps during the day? If not due to having other DCs then your DH really does need to help.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Tue 09-Oct-12 23:36:31

Possibly try sitting next to her cot with your hand on her back (so she knows you are there) until she has fallen asleep? And as she gets used to that, after a few days sit next to the cot but with no hand on her, then a few days later move a bit closer to the door, and then a bit closer, and then she should self settle without any stress.

Always worked with mine without any years when I stopped co sleeping.

geologygirl Tue 09-Oct-12 23:36:40

I dont think anyone uses CC methods long term. I found it to be very effective and it worked fast. My parents did the same for me & my younger brother. I took 3 nights to fall into proper sleeping routine and my brother wailed for a night and that was it! We are both in good health and havent suffered any lasting damage.

Good luck OP. I know sleep deprivation is not much fun - for you or the LO.

LoveYouForeverMyBaby Tue 09-Oct-12 23:36:52

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Tue 09-Oct-12 23:37:13

X posts. I DO have a heart. For the very stressed baby.

DeepPurple Tue 09-Oct-12 23:39:17

Couthy that's really not helpful.

In the interest of your sanity could you co sleep tonight and start again tomorrow? I wouldn't usually say that but if you're that worked up and sleep deprived it might help to start again after a good nights sleep.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Tue 09-Oct-12 23:43:01

I know what lack of sleep is like, cheers, I have a DC with SN that needs meds every 4 hours night and day for the last 9 years, plus two other DC's (one of those also has SN's), plus a non sleeping toddler that hasn't slept for more than 4 hrs at a time for his whole life, so for the last 20 months. Oh yes, LP with no family support and ex never has toddler overnight.

Of course, I have absolutely no idea what sleep deprivation is like...

Which is why I advocate a much gentler approach, which is far less stressful on EVERYONE in the household, when there is sleep deprivation already there as a background.

It would be nigh on impossible for most people that are already suffering sleep deprivation to continue with CC when they can hear the stress it's causing their DC, when they are feeling the stress themselves of their DC crying, and they just want TO SLEEP.

I think a much calmer way to deal with it would benefit EVERYONE in the OP's household, the OP included.

GrimAndHumourless Tue 09-Oct-12 23:45:48

Ah Couthy now THAT's a helpful and supportive post, wtf did you not say that earlier.

I want to knuckle your head lightly [said affectionately]

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