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Anyone been a sahm for dc1 and wohm for dc2?

(6 Posts)
mumtocuddlebundle Tue 09-Oct-12 08:17:33

I'd be interested to hear your experiences. I am currently a sahm but wondering about going back to work when ds2 is one. I loved being a sahm but I feel guilty about not earning money. And I worry that I will never go back to work if I leave it too long.

I must say that we definitely don't need the extra money. Although I can't help thinking it would help. Especially in future when we have schools and university's to pay for.

But if I do go back I think I will feel guilty about not giving ds2 the one to one time at home that ds1 had. I really feel ds1 benefitted from having the first few years at home.

Agghh... Decisions decisions....

Did anyone else do this? Did you feel guilty that dc2 didn't get the time at home? Did you regret it?

schoolchauffeur Tue 09-Oct-12 09:08:25

I did this the other round- ie went back to work when DD was 5 months but was SAHM for DC right until he started school. I have up work when DD was nearly 2 as we had to move overseas for DH job so from 2 onwards I was at home with her.

Do I feel guilty that DD had less time with me? Not at all. We are very close and she does well at school, very placid, easy going, no health or other issues and is quietly confident and very independent.

On the other hand DS who was at home with me has confidence issues, doesn't find school easy and is more "antsy" as a person.

I have no idea whether their different early years has contributed to this at all- my point is it doesn't seem to have done DD any harm.

Actually the one thing I do regret is nothing to do with the DCs, but it is the fact that I didn't do more when DS was bit older to get back into my career even if only part-time. Now it is too late- I am too far out of date in a field where there is a lot of competition and even NQs with stellar qualifications are unemployed round here- and I am free lancing part time in some other fields, but none have the challenge of the job I had before. So even if you just go back part time ( as you say you don't currently need the money) to keep your foot in the door.

mumtocuddlebundle Tue 09-Oct-12 09:46:01

Thanks it's very interesting to hear a view from someone who has done both. Normally people are pro one or the other. Can I ask did your son miss out on playgroups/nurserys? I wondered if this might be the case if you were abroad. Perhaps if he'd been in uk and had chance to go to them more he would have less confidence issues?

mumtocuddlebundle Tue 09-Oct-12 09:48:40

I should also say that I don't really like my job! I prefer being at home. So my decision is purely based on what is best for dc's. Extra money or mum at home.
And I suspect long term it would do me good to have my own job. Even if it's not something I enjoy particularly.

HalleLouja Tue 09-Oct-12 10:21:42

I think people aren't necessarily pro one or pro another. They do whatever fits their circumstances at the time.

I work part time and we need the money. However, I would be worried about getting another job if I took too long out of the market place. Especially with the economy the way it is.

schoolchauffeur Tue 09-Oct-12 10:27:31

We came back to UK when DS was just over 2 and he did go to nursery from 3 on wards- sometimes just mornings and sometimes a whole day depending on the bits of work I was doing. Also did toddler swim and a sort of "Tumble Gym" thing so it wasn't as if he wasnt' used to being in a more formal setting.

And even overseas when he was a baby there was mums and baby's music and toddler group etc.

It just goes to show that a lot of it is in their make-up rather than anything we do!

If you don't need the money and you and your DH are happy with the decision then I would do whatever you feel happy with. Even if you are only part-time it gives you something away from the DCs and even if you don't like the current job that much, it is still experience on your CV for later when you might want to move direction etc

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