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Age gap between dc1 and dc2

(30 Posts)
F1rstT1meMummy Mon 08-Oct-12 13:18:41

I think this has probably been done loads before but I couldn't find a discussion on it!

Dd was one in July. I would like I think a two year age gap but when speaking to my grind yesterday she said her gap of 2.5 years was too close and couldn't enjoy her dc2 as much as she did dc1.

I love being a mummy now and would eventually like three kids but I was just looking other people's experiences in relation to their age gap between dc1 and dc2.

F1rstT1meMummy Mon 08-Oct-12 13:19:33

Friend. Not grind angry. Blinking iPhone

snickers251 Mon 08-Oct-12 13:22:25

There's nothing wrong with small age gaps, imagine how close they'll be when they're a little older and able to play together.

Ds will be 2.6 when this baby arrives.

My sil has a 13 month age gap between her two youngest and its so cute seeing them play together xxx

Sossiges Mon 08-Oct-12 13:23:17

"Grind" is friend I take it?
The age gap between my DD1 and sibling will be approx 3.5 years, I was aiming for two years but then didn't feel ready so soon and then when I was ready it didn't happen for a while, best laid plans and all that.
It's all very personal, anyway, I don't think there is a 'best' age gap.

Sossiges Mon 08-Oct-12 13:24:10

Haha I was right! See, it takes me ages to post...

AngelaMerkel Mon 08-Oct-12 13:25:21

I think the closer kids are together the better the sibling relationship over their whole life. I think over 4 years and you start becoming a different 'era'.
It's all well and good for your friend to want to enjoy the baby for herself but there is a downside to that for the child.

Also don't assume it is something you'll get a choice over.

wishiwasonholiday Mon 08-Oct-12 13:25:28

My gap was 4.9 years, ds1 started school 3 months before. I felt this was better as he had already settled into school before the baby came then I also had 9-3 to sleep/do whatever I wanted with ds2.

MrClaypole Mon 08-Oct-12 13:26:56

4 years between mine and it's brilliant!

DS1 is that bit older so able to amuse/feed/toilet himself, he loves to "help" with baby, he has his own friends and interests. Plus he had just started school when baby came so i had chance to sleep in the day and spend time with DC2. He loves DS2 to bits, there is no jealousy whatsoever. DS2 finds DS1 hilarious and giggles at him all day long.

I have seen my friends with 2 year age gaps struggle massively and this did influence our decision to wait to TTC DS2.

Perhaps as the boys get older they may not get on so well or be into different things but so far (5 years old and 10 months old) it's been an absolute doddle.

MrClaypole Mon 08-Oct-12 13:29:49

Oh and I have 2 siblings, 2 years younger and 6 years younger. I get on really well with the 6 years younger one so there's no guarantee that siblings close in age will get on better than those who are several years apart.

I guess it's a personal choice - and something we may not even have control over anyway if TTC takes a while!

SamSmalaidh Mon 08-Oct-12 13:32:19

From the experience of friends with small gaps (18 months-2.5ish years) the first year or two seems very, very hard and it isn't possible to enjoy the 2nd baby as you did the first one. But by the time they are 2, 3 or 4 and can play together etc then it does seem nice.

Friends who have had 3-5 year gaps seem to enjoy the first year or so much more, you can do baby things with the little one, the older one understands a lot more and is more independent. But you don't necessarily get them playing together in the same way (though less fighting/squabbling?) or at least it takes a bit longer for them to enjoy the same games. They still share a childhood though.

Friends with 6+ gaps seem to have basically had two only children, but that also works very well for some.

Personally I loved the first year with DS and don't want to spend the first year of the next baby trying to balance the very real and different needs of two little children. I'm aiming for a 4 year gap so DS will be at school and I will have that time in the day to enjoy DC2. I realise that this means it will probably be 3 or 4 years before they can really play together and enjoy the same games, and it means that we will have to start all over again with breastfeeding and nappies and sleepless nights, but at 2 DS still needs so much from us I just know I would not be able to meet his needs as much as I want while also mothering a newborn as I would like as well.

SamSmalaidh Mon 08-Oct-12 13:37:19

Oh and I have 2 sisters, one 18 months younger and one 4 years younger, and still remember playing lots with the 4 years younger one from when we were about 3 and 7 - basically up to the teen years when me and dsis1 were going to the same pubs/parties at college together etc. As adults me and dsis2 have been closer though I reckon, but not much in it - more a lifestyle thing as me and dsis2 are both mothers now and dsis1 isn't.

Knittingnovice Mon 08-Oct-12 13:40:24

I have 20 months between dc1 and dc2 and will have 3y 2m between dc2 & dc3. It was hard, dc3 should arrive after dc2 has started pre school which I am hoping will be easier

insanityscratching Mon 08-Oct-12 13:48:33

I have 18 months between my first two and although it was hard work initially they grew up together and played together from the off really. There are 8 years between my fourth and fifth and that has been lovely too so I'm not sure there is an ideal age gap tbh.

LisaMWill Mon 08-Oct-12 13:50:17

19 months between my 2 girls, I'm loving it want to have a 3rd with similar age gap again

I think there's pros and cons no matter what gap you have.

Intentional 20/21 month gap here - on one hand - I WAS INSANE grin . It was really hard when the second one arrived. Toddlers are very wearing, toddler plus a newborn is pretty grim.

But, now they are nearly 4 and 5.5 - it is great . They are really close, best mates, play really well together.

thehamburglar Mon 08-Oct-12 14:02:22

I have a 23 month gap between my two. I wish I'd left it a bit longer as DS was still a baby when DD was born and he had to put up with me being tired and grumpy for the first six months, when he was still very dependent on me. He is 3.6 now and DD is 19 months so I'm hoping that they will develop a good relationship and play well together (it's not so great at the moment, lots of fighting over toys, etc).

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 08-Oct-12 14:06:14

Just over 4 years between my two. I really don't think I could have handled it any closer. It's a lovely gap and they get on very well. Plus both had their turn to be 'the baby'

WilfredToadflax Mon 08-Oct-12 14:10:50

I had 21 months between my first two.
After the very new baby stage (which IMO is difficult whatever the age gap), I generally enjoyed it.
I'm very happy with the age gap, and if I had my time again, wouldn't change a thing.

ThickCut Mon 08-Oct-12 14:21:56

6 years between my two. It's perfect for us and I wouldn't have it any other way. Also my ds's adore each other, It's so sweet.
It's a personal choice

juneau Mon 08-Oct-12 14:26:09

3.5 years between mine and generally it's been great. I wanted about 3 years between and it has given me a chance to spend real 'quality' time with each as a baby. They're still close enough in age to play together too. I really couldn't have contemplated two close together - the people I know who did it looked like hell to start with - but it seems to work well once the little one is about two.

GimmeIrnBru Mon 08-Oct-12 15:57:23

Age gaps close together will not necessarily mean they'll be 'close' as many put like to put's more down to their personality regardless of what age gap you have between DC1 and DC2, IMO.

I have a 3.3y age gap between my two DC. It wasn't planned that way but that's how it is. I don't think I would have coped with 2 year gap or less. I had difficulties coping with the age gap I already have between my two!

HiHowAreYou Mon 08-Oct-12 16:04:47

There will be nearly five years between mine, if this pregnancy all goes to plan.
It isn't perhaps what I'd have chosen, but you can't always choose!

HeffalumpsAndGoldenWoozles Mon 08-Oct-12 16:08:09

DD2 was born 9 days after DD1 turned two. So far it's great, but then DD2 is only 8 days old...

I wouldn't have wanted a smaller gap but am hoping the two year one will be a good one.

3nationsfamily Mon 08-Oct-12 16:14:43

2 years between mine, and now they are older (11 and 13) on of the main advantages over the last few years has been in doing family activities and holidays together- they are much easier when both can walk/ cycle/ carry their own luggage etc etc at roughly the same pace. I think if we had a wider gap we would really struggle to find a way of keeping everybody happy/ together

Fuzzymum1 Mon 08-Oct-12 16:34:59

3.11 and it worked well, DS1 was settled in pre-school before DS2 was born. The gap between DS2 and DS3 was 9.1 and DS3 adores his big brothers. Personally I've loved the bigger gaps and don't think i would have coped with two little ones at the same time.

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