23mth old & newborn.. I CAN DO THIS...

[EMS23]

Cheer leading myself along...

DD1 will get over her jealousy, she will stop being so upset with me, she will stop waking in the night, she will stop refusing to do anything unless I am doing it with her.
She will go back to being the independent little girl she was.

She won't remember how much she hated having a new sister and they will grow up to be great buddies.

I have not ruined her life.

DH & I will stop sniping at each other when we're back to getting more sleep, just like when DD1 was new. He is wonderful, this is just a tough time.

I will get back on an even keel again. It was worse with DD1. I feel better emotionally and physically already. I'm just tired right now.

Read this when its all getting too much because this is a phase and it will pass, I promise me!!

[EagleRiderDirk]

I have a 20mo dd and a 13do ds. I'm rocking repetitively going "six weeks, it all gets better at six weeks". Let's hope it all passes quickly.

[EMS23]

My DD1 has started doing this funny little screwed up face... I realised she's copying me after seeing me trying to silent cry so much the last 3 weeks!! I was hoping she hadn't noticed!

[lljkk]

Awwww.... you will get thru it, honest.

[Convert]

I had DS2 when DS1 was 20 months old. It DOES get easier, I promise. It not only gets easier but one day you will wake up to find you have two daughters who are incredibly close and always have someone to play with.

You will not longer be playing on the park, you will be sitting on a bench reading a book. You will be able to spend far too much time MNing while they make a den under your bed. My boys are now 5 and 4 and are inseperable. In fact you will find it all so easy and have so much time to yourself you will start longing for a baby and forget how bloody hard it all was.

Best of luck love

[Jamdoughnutfiend]

I had a 21 month old and newborn - am not going to lie, the first 3 months was hard, but it got better really quickly. Now at 15 month and just turned 3 they are very cute together and are starting to " play". I also have DDs - is also lovely when you start recycling outfits that you loved the first time round. You will be fine, i promise!

[Some0ne]

I had a 19 month old and a newborn. We all survived!

Now I have an 8 month old and a 27 month old and it's grand! They're mad about each other. Even when they're in creche, DD will go into the baby area to visit DS and have a play with him.

If you're crying that much, maybe have a chat with your GP. There might be a bit of PND going on, making things harder for you.

But you're right to keep telling yourself it gets better. It really is great once you get over the first awful newborn bit!

[Goldenjubilee10]

Does dd1 nap. I have ds's 22 months apart and we would go out somewhere every morning. Immediately after lunch I would put ds1 in his cot for a nap and take ds2 into bed with me and feed him to sleep. I could often get 3 hours sleep out of it. It made such a difference.

[converseconvert]

I had DD2 when DD1 was 22 months and they are now 7 and 5 and incredibly close. They have been close since they were 3 and 1 maybe even earlier. As they say 'this too shall soon pass'

[EMS23]

Thanks for the replies, it does help and knowing other people are here/ have been here helps loads.

Convert - not a chance I'll be having another!! DH is done (we also have DSS 8 so DH is a father of 3) and we both feel 3 children is our family complete.

Someone - I had PND after I had DD1 so am on the lookout. I'm pretty sure I'm not feeling that way so far and tbh, a lot of the crying has been about feeding issues which are resolved now so have been much less tearful the last few days.

I'm so looking forward to the day when the girls are playing together. I was really wary of having them so close together but DH convinced me that after the first few months were done, I'd never regret it. Here's hoping he was right.
It will be his turn for fears and tears when we've got two teenage girls on our hands!!!

[EagleRiderDirk]

I'm glad to hear it gets easier too.

convert that really made me and oh giggle. I don't think we'll have another. On purpose at least.

Dd and ds are almost polar opposites. Dd wasn't too fussed about milk, would stay in a dirty nappy all day long if we let her (still would), only really cried with wind(very badly during day time hours) and just slept or fed at nighttime. Ds on the other hand feeds fantastically but hates a dirty or wet nappy, hates nappy changes, screams blue murder when he's not asleep and likes to be awake at night. I knew they would be different but I wasn't expecting this much difference.

Dd genuinely seems to like him ds, but he goes from calm to bat shit crazy in under a second and the screaming really scares dd.

[AnathemaDevice]

You can do it, but it is really hard. I've got a 22 month gap between my two, and at times I thought I'd make the biggest mistake of my life. Especially when DS decided to drop his nap just after he turned 2. I honestly thought I was going to go mad for the first 6 months. I think I cried every day though tiredness and guilt.

Now they're 3.6yrs and 19 months, extremely close (most of the time), and are (mostly) a joy. So much so that DC3 is due 3 weeks before DD's 2nd birthday. I love watching them play together, and listen to DS try to teach DD things. Iit's worth every second of those first few awful months.

My advice is to do as little as possible, housework wise, conserve your energy. Same goes for cooking/shopping. Simple meals and a messy house are bearable for a few years months.

Get a decent sling so you have both hands free for the older one, yet are still cuddled up to the baby. DD practically lived in her connecta for the first few months.

Honestly, you'll be ok, in the long run. Just keep ploughing on through, and before you know it they'll be running around together.

[Ilovecake1]

I promise it will get much easier..but very tough at the start! Give it a couple of weeks and everything will start to slot into place. Only 11 months between mine and they are the best of friends..playing hide and seek as I write this.

[Pochemuchka]

anathema I am in exactly the same position as you: DD is 3.6, DS is 19 m and DC3 is due 4 weeks before DS's 2nd birthday!

They are mostly a joy now - DS thinks his sister is the bee's knees and she is the first person he asks for in the morning. DD adores her brother and tries to teach him things/helps him do things he can't do and bosses him around to play the games she wants - which he doesn't mind!

They've been playing together for a while now and it means I can sit with my feet up for a bit while they chase each other round the front room having a race with the shopping trolley/doll pushchair etc. They did this for at least 20 minutes the other day :)

Good luck - it definitely gets easier and more fun! erases memory of first 6-8 weeks BFing DS with DD running riot

[sparrowfart]

I have 22 months between mine and it was really hard, looking back. But now, they love each other more than they love me! And they are fabulous fun together... I remember pining and grieving for what I had taken from DS1, I resented DS2 a little for taking me away from my first, but it is amazing now. What you are doing is the very best thing for both of them, it's hard, but they will be thankful in millions of ways. So many friends of mine who have one child or a large gap would love a close sibling for their DC. It's all worth it, really, and it will come around very quickly.