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Co-sleeping with a 5 year old

(36 Posts)
Mypopcornface Sat 06-Oct-12 22:56:52

We are a family of 3 and DD is 5.5. We co-sleep since she was born, it wasn't in our plans but we hae had reasons for this. She has her own bedroom and bed but insists in sleeping with us. We tried to make her sleeping all by herself few moths ag and after few days ashe started complaining about dreams and other stuff she has being 'seeing' in her bedroom, so came back to our bed.
My inlaws constantly asks her and us when she will sleep in her own bed, they put pressure and make us feel uncomfortable to the point dh tried to make dd sleep in her own bed to please them I think. Inlwas do this because when they have DD nce or twice a year DD want to sleep with them.
I don't tell many people about this, but few friends know it and one in particular suggested the other day that DD doesn't want to be in her bed because she 'senses' something wrong in mine and dh's relationship and because we argue sometimes....

Now, this really hurt me because even though our relationship is not perfect and we do argue, we are a normal couple with ups and downs and I am sure my friend's relationship is not perfect either...she just doesn't want to show people her life has flows, being so perfeccionist (I noticed few years ago she needs to see people doing badly in order to feel better) whereas I am much more open and naiveconfide in friends when maybe I should't have.
Also, this said friend has 3 children, one under 1 whi requires feed during the night and two others who are 3 and 5 who constantly take in turns to wake up crying during the night and she spends the night going to one bed to another settling them and sleeping with them in turns whereas her Dh sleeps alone in their bed alsp complaining she doesn't spend time there so she literally hops from one bed to another through the I think her comment was inapropruate and hurtful because if I left my bed to slepp with my DD she would be fine too...

If you came this far...I just would like o know if people out here do/did co-sleep and how to make the transition to not co-sleep anymore?? Altough we all enjoy it and know DD won't sleep with us by the time she is 15, she getting big and the bed wont get any bigger...and she does move a lot.

marbleslost Thu 11-Oct-12 17:37:49

he he. mine is 7 and hasn't grown out of it yet.

We have tried, spent three weeks recently repeatedly putting her back into her own bed all through the night. After three weeks of it we couldn't function any more we were so exhausted. So we've given up again.

I don't mind too much, I think it bothers dh more as he's usually the one pinned to the edge of the bed who ends up decamping to her bed. But yes, relatives think it's shocking.

I think it's going to come to a head when she starts wanting to go on sleepovers because I don't feel I can let her go round other people's houses and wake everybody up at 2am.

DowagersHump Thu 11-Oct-12 17:42:47

I still mainly co-sleep with DS who is 5 1/5. It can't be because of rowing - I'm a single parent by choice grin

I think he likes cuddling. And yes, people think it's shocking and I used to care but I don't any more smile

Pochemuchka Thu 11-Oct-12 17:51:51

I agree with all the above. I co sleep with DD (3.5) and DS (19 m) and am pregnant with number 3. Neither of them show any signs of going into their own beds and we all love snuggling up, especially when it's cold. Both DC adore each other and love snuggling up together in the evening when I go downstairs.

The only thing worrying me is how to fit all of us into one bed!

Whoever upthread said your Friend is talking out of their arse is right. As long as you are all happy with this arrangement it's no one else's business.
If you're not happy, then it is an issue.

Mypopcornface Thu 11-Oct-12 20:45:44

I think that probably my friend is jeaulous, maybe she woud like to have her children in bed with her because she goes and sleep with them in their bed during the night. She has been picking aspects of my life to put me down now and tha for 5 years. I should be used by it now..

purplehouse Thu 11-Oct-12 20:53:09

It's no problem to cosleep, makes for a happy child usually.

If you want to stop, you need to get a child's bed and put it in your bedroom next to your bed. Such that she can hold your hand if she wants. Then bribe and reward.

If you want her in her own room and you have enough money, I would buy her a 2nd bed so that she can start off in her own room in that bed but transfer to the child bed in your room if she is scared or whatever.

I would ignore the negative comments anyway and do what suits your family.

marbleslost Thu 11-Oct-12 21:03:47

I might try that Purple. We haven't tried the extra bed in the room.

And Popcorn - the proof is in the pudding. Mine is doing really well in school, has a nice group of friends, enjoys lots of activities, is generally happy - despite the sleeping issues. Don't listen to the doubters. Do what feels right for you.

mosciva Thu 11-Oct-12 22:15:48

I totally agree with Marbleslost - if you and your family are happy then that´s all that matters. I have spent time over the years comparing my family to friends seemingly ´perfect´ kids but I realised fairly recently that no family is perfect and all you can do is your best and if you are happy sharing your bed with everyone, so be it.

TeaBrick Thu 11-Oct-12 22:24:16

Ds is 4 and co sleeps with me. I have recently started talking to him about sleeping in his own room, and he seems cautiously enthusiastic. I would miss him, but I think I would sleep better alone tbh, and he probably would too. I'm not in too much of a hurry, but within the next few months I would like to get my bedroom back.

Pochemuchka Fri 12-Oct-12 17:09:16

Mypopcorn - it sounds less like co sleeping is the issue and more like your friend who is! Does she have any good points?! smile

Polygon Fri 12-Oct-12 17:21:21

We still co sleep (dd 7 years, ds 3 years). No relationship problems - just cuddly children.
A Japanese friend told me she co-slept with her parents until she was 11. Apparently it´s normal there - I think it´s normal here too just most people in RL don´t admit it.

Mypopcornface Fri 12-Oct-12 22:02:01

Yes I defo posted in the wrong session with the wrong title. Maybe is a friendiship advice I should be looking for.

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