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new mum, new baby, lot of tears!!

(30 Posts)
moop136 Sat 06-Oct-12 19:07:39

I have a 14 day old baby. Think I have cried pretty much everyday since she was born! Not bcoz I am sad, but bcoz I just want her to be ok! She has colic, which makes her cry from 5pm til about 5am! Trying everything going. She has conjunctivitis and wouldnt latch, so I have been expressing what I can. I just feel a bit useless, and my husband goes back to work on monday. Anyone have advice!!? Thanks.

TeaandHobnobs Sat 06-Oct-12 19:16:24

moop you are not alone, those first few weeks can be unbelievably hard - but it will get easier.

Can you get to a breastfeeding cafe or similar to get some assistance with latching? Getting out of the house is a good way to keep your spirits up when you first start being at home by yourself, or I found that anyway.

And keep posting here, you will get lots of support smile

Cherrypieplum Sat 06-Oct-12 19:20:36

Congratulations! No real advice apart from speaking to hv maybe?

I've recently been in the same (well, similar) boat as my DD is three months and even when she's been perfectly healthy I've been reduced to tears by the stress of it all. It sounds like your lo is putting you through a testing time. Also keep a check on your emotions too. I don't want to say PND but its worth keeping an eye. It sounds like you are just a normal new mum adjusting to a new and trickier life just like I was.

Do you have friends or family to help when your DP goes back to work? Xx

moop136 Sat 06-Oct-12 19:37:22

I was lucky enough to always know that it was goin to be hard work, so I kinda expected it! But man, I never knew how my hormones would turn against me!! Luckily I have an amazing other half,who is very hands on and supportive, even when he has 2 crying ladies in the room!
The health visitor so far has been great. I did try to get her to latch for 3 days, now I am a slave to the pump, and we feed her expressed breast milk with the bottle.
Its mainly the colic, and trying to get her into a routine, and she wont sleep in the moses basket. She will sleep in her bouncer and car seat, but not the basket!
I worry about everything. Coughs,sneezes,dribble,hot,cold etc...
Wow this is a long message, sorry guys! Thanks so much for the support.x

Cherrypieplum Sat 06-Oct-12 19:43:19

I was the same. Completely expected it to be a slog but. Then nothing really prepares you does it?! It is scary but the worries will diminish and sometimes she'll be grizzly for no rhyme or reason and you'll cope. Must be so hard to pump al the time. Well done for persevering but don't worry if you can't sustain it. My DD was in hospital with jaundice and poor feeding and as she was taking expressed milk well but not latching, I told the consultant I'd could just carry on with expressing and she said 'why would you?' I couldn't have done it long term and really admire you! Se will get better at feeding!

Loislane78 Sat 06-Oct-12 20:00:00

Congrats moop 7 wk old here so know a little of how you feel smile

Agree with the others about getting to a bf group if you can (and still want to bf of course). Amazingly helpful and you'll meet others too and get tons of support smile. It's hard with colic but at least try to wind after and during each feed, different positions. Make sure she's not sucking air from the bottle as well obviously. Bicycle legs/baby massage/bath might also help. Some people think infacol or gripe water works or potentially cranial osteopathy if not improved in a couple of wks (did you have a tough birth?). Coilef as well if they're a bit older I think.

Don't worry if she won't sleep where you want yet , v normal and they like lots of snuggles. Some Moses basket tips I found helped; put hot water bottle in to heat it up first, bankets down the sides of her and something that smells like you in there.

It all sounds v normal so don't panic. Sure ur doing a grand job smile

moop136 Sat 06-Oct-12 20:36:37

Thanks loislane. Think the time to go back to breast has passed unfortunately. Which is a shame as she latched real well straight away after the birth. At least she is still gettin breast milk.
The birth took 4hrs! My contractions were short and shallow so had little to work with, but the birthing pool was awesome! I had no real plan for labour, thought I would give it a go!
I just stare at her and get so overwhelmed sometimes! I just want to do things right, amd I do try and be positive by tellin myself it will get better, but when she is screaming it really doesnt feel like it.

stargirl1701 Sat 06-Oct-12 20:45:10

My LO is 4 weeks old. Bloody hell it is relentless! I don't think anyone can understand unless they've been through it. I keep hearing it's the first 6 weeks that are the hardest...god I hope so! I gave up bf after I was re-admitted to hospital with sepsis from infective mastitis. Once my temperature was above 39 degrees my body stopped making milk. The doc said all the fluids were being used to fight the infection. I feel really sad about it but I know I have to get fully fit to be a good mum. What is it they say on MN? This too shall pass grin

Loislane78 Sat 06-Oct-12 20:53:23

Tip I heard from a friend who's baby had bad colic/crying was to put earphones in when soothing her. Baby cries can cut you to the core so if she's fed, clean, winded and just needs soothing as best you can muster, then earphones in if its upsetting you. Also as long as they're in a safe place it's also fine to take 5 mins to regroup yourself smile.

If you feel up to it, just get out for a walk. maybe try a baby group at the local children's centre - sharing with others going through the same was v helpful for me and no one cares if your LO cries.

Take care and good on yer for expressing, serious mum points already smile

Loislane78 Sat 06-Oct-12 20:59:34

Bloomin' eck star that sounds rough shock hope you're on the mend smile

stargirl1701 Sat 06-Oct-12 21:01:55

I am Lois, thanks. I had an allergic reaction to the IV anti-biotics too - twice! I kept the docs on their toes grin. Baby star doing well throughout which helped. I didn't have any of this in my birth plan grin

neontetra Sat 06-Oct-12 21:06:35

Congratulations! Don't worry about the Moses basket, seems like all babies hate them at first, but it does get better. Keeping the room as dark as you can at night will help her sleep then. Would you consider co-sleeping a little bit while she gets used to the basket? I did this (dh slept on sofa), kept trying dd in basket but had her with me when she wasn't having it, and eventually she was in the basket nearly all night. Good luck!

HalleLouja Sun 07-Oct-12 10:46:31

The first 3 months are really the worst and then it really does get better.

I wouldn't worry during the day about sleeping in the moses basket. If you could get a sling (not a baby bjorn but something like a manduca or connecta etc) that would help for sleeping. My DD now happily naps in her cot. It took a little while though. If you can find a local sling library they will be able to help.

Also we bought a cosleeping crib and it was awesome. With DS I tried to get him to sleep in the moses basket without much luck but with the cosleeping crib DD would sleep in it really well as you can hold and then let go when they are fast asleep without disturbing them too much.

moop136 Sun 07-Oct-12 16:42:34

Well, now it looks like the breast milk has dried up! I cant beat myself over it, but I already feel a bit like a failure.
I had the worst day of my life on tues. I got my daughter up for her 5am feed. Shewas still very sleepy, so my plan was to give her a couple of mins to wake up, then go n change her if she didnt. Before I knew it, I must have fell asleep and she was on the floor. Our bed is very low, so she didnt go far, but the guilt is consuming me. I insisted on taking her to a and e. She was fine. But I am still hating myself. Until I can get over what I did, I cant relax.

cordiality Sun 07-Oct-12 16:50:21

Please please don't give yourself such a hard time. Accidents happen, you are clearly exhausted and at your wits end and I really feel for you.

My advice would be, if baby is sleeping, let her sleep! She wanted to be asleep, you wanted to be asleep, don't over complicate things. She'll wake up when she's hungry.

You can't be a perfect mum, no one can, but you are the perfect mum for your daughter and you love her so much, she's a very lucky little girl.

Be kind to yourself, babies are sturdy little things, the happier and calmer you are, the happier and calmer she will be.

Chin up, this too shall pass!

moop136 Sun 07-Oct-12 19:25:57

Also, i thought baths chilled them out!?? She seems ok in it, but get her out and man do we know about it!! How can we possibly get a 14 day old to relax!?
I am hopefully lookin into startin yoga again, mayb even meditation.
Like u said cordiality, happy mum, happy baby.

jkklpu Sun 07-Oct-12 19:29:07

If you do want to get back to bfing your baby, it's unlikely that your milk has "dried up"; more likely that a pump just isn't as effective as a baby. Post in the breast and bottle-feeding section for some fantastic expert advice.

HalleLouja Sun 07-Oct-12 20:30:55

Buy a sling. Doesn't work on all babies but is pretty effective. They love being close to you and smelling you.

Don't beat yourself up about the accident. They happen all the time.

Go to breast and bottle feeding section and get some help. Pumping is not the best way to get milk. There are supplementary feeding systems but someone over there might have better advice.

moop136 Sun 07-Oct-12 21:18:50

The sling is in the post! I have heard good things about them. Looking forward to its arrival!
It all started so well when we left the hospital! Got so much harder since.
Got another health visitor/midwife appt tomoro. Got a list of questions a mile long to ask them!

HalleLouja Sun 07-Oct-12 21:28:11

Which sling? If you struggle go and find a sling library / meet. Don't be scared to ask here. I wish I had found proper slings first time round. That together with mumsnet.

stargirl1701 Sun 07-Oct-12 21:45:23

Moop don't be too hard on yourself. Baby is fine. It will get easier.

paperclips Mon 08-Oct-12 10:36:59

Moop- just to say I know how you feel. I'm in a similar situation too.

My boy is 11 days, colicky, only feeds for 5 minutes a time then falls asleep but is hungry again shortly after. When Feeding is not easy, sometimes hard to get a latch, he has to be in the right mood. Worrying about everything, reflux, tongue tie, etc. Has a little rash on his face and neck, worry worry. They are just so precious!

I have a sling, I think it will help loads, can't wait to use it but he is too small, I think its minimum 8lb and he's only about 6lb 12oz (2 days ago).

But colic is the worst isn't it? It's breaking my heart.

Hope you cope ok with DP going back to work, I'm dreading that too. Let us know how it goes and what you find useful. Remember you're not alone!

childrenchildreneverywhere Mon 08-Oct-12 13:43:32

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

moop136 Mon 08-Oct-12 20:50:01

Hey there! Well, first day without daddy done! It flew by, but I am sure that not everyday will go quite so fast!
And also the first day in 15 where I havent cried at least 3 times by 7pm, that is progress alone!
A stranger said something to me yesterday, it kinda stuck with me. She said each day will get that little bit better, and she has 4 children! So far I havent been able to see any change between the days, but today feels like a triumph, even if she doesnt sleep through!
Luckily I have my mum comin to stay for 3 days, so I might catch up on some sleep!
Paperclip, I am a natural born worrier too.never realised to what degree until I had Edith! It really is reassuring to know you are not alone.

Tooodlepip Mon 08-Oct-12 21:42:42

Hi moop

my second ds who is now 6 years old had colic, and I never knew or understood how severe colic could be until I had him. I actually ended up with post natal depression from the constant emotional rollarcoaster of baby screaming constantly, me not being able to soothe him or help him, having to give up breast feeding and the emotions and guilt that went with that and of course the sheer exhaustion

So I'm not going to recommend anything or a gadget or drops etc believe me over the next few weeks you'll drop some serious pounds in desperation (money and weight ) finding all of these things I think it was when I was about to order some kind of magic bed that I realised I just have to ride it out sad

Anyway if your baby has really bad colic, well she is going to cry regardless, so stick her in a sling/pram and just try as best as u can to be kind to yourself, get out, meet people, rest and don't ever be afraid of leaving her in her bed or chair for a few minutes while you go to another room and catch your breathe wink

it will end my ds stopped at around 4 months and actually the colic had long left him he was just used to crying so when I realised with the help of an old school hv that he was crying was thats all he knew how to do I was able to help him learn how to sleep and once he could sleep a bit without the crying he was cured wink. The old school hv did say to me that the only thing that seems to ease a baby out of colic is a good routine and no stimulation at sleep times and during crying periods as the baby is trapped in a cycle of the screaming and then mum over stimulates trying to comfort and then the baby is over tired cue extra crying.

anyway ds 3 is now 4 weeks old so it didn't put me off babies for life although I needed a 6 year gap before I felt brave enough smile

hope it gets easier for you soon and you don't get a long stretch smile

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