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What do you think is the ideal space between children..

(16 Posts)
arthurfowlersallotment Fri 05-Oct-12 22:18:07 factor in sanity, childcare costs and physical health (I need a CS)?

My hormones are screaming at me to TTC NOW. My DP is a little more pragmatic. (DD 5mo..)

I'd really love to hear your thoughts.

Impatientwino Sat 06-Oct-12 03:21:21

Midwifes told me on discharge that ideally the uterus needs around 18 months- 2 years between deliveries following my CS?

Watching my cousins wife juggling pregnancy then a newborn with a 20 month old is making me think about waiting to TTC DC2 until DS is about 2 as the 20 month old still needs lifting in/out high chairs/car seats, couldn't really help dress himself fetch nappies and other things she needs

I admire anyone with more than 1 DC - I'm finding 1 hard enough!

Wouldn't change a thing though - took 18 months to conceive so very thankful!

DoIDare Sat 06-Oct-12 03:30:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShellyBobbs Sat 06-Oct-12 05:45:18

There is 22 months between 1 and 2, 2 and a half years between 2 and 3 (and will be 8 years between 3 and 4 grin) and it's perfect. They all get on really well and look out for each other, it was hard work when they were young but it has been worth it and I've enjoyed it.

whyme2 Sat 06-Oct-12 06:27:10

DoIDare I was about to say 3 miles.

I had four DC in five years.

ZombTEE Sat 06-Oct-12 07:23:10

DoIDare took my answer...

VerityClinch Sat 06-Oct-12 07:48:17

I had 2 C-S fifteen months apart. DD is 3.3 now and DS is 1.11.

It's been nearly two years since I had DS, and I am still not properly recovered, recurrent back problems and permanently separated abdominal muscles. DD only started walking the week before DD was born so I was carrying her around, in and out of highchair, up and down stairs, for my whole pregnancy, I could barely walk for the last two weeks of it and was in a back girdle thing.

I bloody love my children and they are getting to an age now when they do properly play together (when they aren't trying to kill each other) so obviously I wouldn't change a thing - but I have to say, I couldn't recommend it!

FerryGirl Sat 06-Oct-12 07:54:08

I had 2 cs 19 months apart. No physical probs at all but the first year nearly broke me with the two babies. Literally. It is impossible to describe how hard it was.

Now, the small age gap is an absolute delight and means we can all do things as a family and all enjoy them. I love it now but, if I had known what it would be like at the beginning, I would never ever have chosen it'

popsypie Sat 06-Oct-12 08:02:20

17 months apart for my two dds. Two babies is indescribably hard. We had two cots, two in nappies for six months etc. then we moved house when dd2 was 4 weeks old. I did not get any help, but probably should have asked for more really. It was hard, hard, hard. Most of it I can't remember now though - just a general bleary feeling!!! However now they are seven and six it is a joy! They love each other so much and I have "got them both up at once" as my mum would say! wink so I have no regrets really - only that I should have got a cleaner and possibly a part time nanny in the early days! Martyr! grin

DinosaursOnASpaceship Sat 06-Oct-12 08:03:05

I have an age gap of 22 months (between ds1 and ds2)
Age gap of 9 years (between ds1 and ds3)
Age gap of 7 years (between ds2 and ds3)

And will have an age gap of 19 months (between ds3 and ds4)
10 years (between ds1 and ds4)
Nearly 9 years (between ds2 and ds4)

My favourite age gap has been 9 years to be honest. The 9 year old is old enough to be useful, know when to be quiet, play with the baby, watch him for a few minutes etc. He can feed himself, clean himself, sleeps through the night, entertains himself so I can get on with taking care of the baby.

So far the 22 month age gap has been the worst. It was hell. Two non sleeping, nappy wearing babies. Both needing attention, crying, gives me cold shivers just thinking about it. I was a mess, the house was a mess, every day was a constant struggle to be got through rather than enjoyed. I couldn't make the most of time with the new baby as ds1 needed so much from me.

Dreading ds4 being born in January as ds3 will only be 19 months arrgghhh.

DinosaursOnASpaceship Sat 06-Oct-12 08:04:50

The older ds' with the small age are brilliant now mind, they play together and get on well most of the time. That's my only plus to a small age gap though'

secondseverncrossing Sat 06-Oct-12 08:07:20

22 mo here and I love it.

It was hard in the first year, really hard work - so much to do and hard to entertain a toddler 24/7 with a newborn in tow.

But it's paid off in spades already - they turned 2 and 4 over the summer so now DD1 is in full time school and DD2 does 2 mornings a week at pre school and life is good.

I really like the age gap as they are into the same kind of things - I can take them both to the same kind of activities and both will enjoy it.

Debated a third and would really like one but I knew I couldn't do the same gap again and I feel that if we had a third with a big gap it would undermine some of the benefits of having done the smaller one, so I think we'll probably be stopping at two.

RTchoke Sat 06-Oct-12 08:14:04

28 months between my two. I think it was perfect. I didn't have two babies, DD1 was potty trained and sleeping through, but she was still young, can't remember life without her sister, and they are close in age and play well. They are just six and just under four now and they play for hours.

I am now pregnant with no.3. I am worried that DC3 will be left out but DC2, at 4 and a half, won't be quite old enough to help or escape jealousy.

FerryGirl Sat 06-Oct-12 08:41:22

Secondsevern we feel exactly the same. We would have liked a third but just feel that our girls are so close and life has become so 'fun' because of all the things we can do as a 4, that going back to have another baby would sort of upset the thing that we most love about where we have got to, if that makes sense!

The payback from the small age gap kicks in when the littlest is 2, we found!

Ilovecake1 Sat 06-Oct-12 11:23:55

11 mo here, they are now 6&5. Hard to have them close at the start but perfect now and fab company to each other.

Lilka Sun 07-Oct-12 12:57:52

I honestly don't think there is an ideal age gap. I have 10 years between DD1 and DD2, then another 9 between DD2 and DS. This works very well for us. On the other hand, i know families with 1 year, 3 years between children etc who love that

I concur that about 3-5 miles is the appropriate space when an argument is brewing

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