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Anyone have a 3 year age gap between kids?

(57 Posts)
IWantToGoToThere Tue 02-Oct-12 20:36:14

I have a DS who will be 3.2 when my next DS is born in February. I had always imagined/wanted a gap of 2 years or so between two DC (we are stopping at 2) and in fact had everything gone to plan and I hadn't had a MMC this time last year, we would have had that gap.

I am so happy to be pregnant again and having another child, but I can't stop feeling that the age gap isn't ideal. I keep thinking that when DS2 will be 2, DS1 will be 5 and they won't really play together or get on in later life. DS1 is a very sociable child and loves playing with other kids his age (he is very boisterous and full of energy so is better at playing with kids his age who can match this) and I worry that by the time DS2 is old enough to 'play', DS1 won't want to or they won't have enough in common.

Does anyone else have a 3 year age gap between kids? Do they have a good relationship? Can anyone ease my anxieties about this?!


ohdarcy Tue 02-Oct-12 20:40:16

there is 3,8 between mine and i really do think all age gaps have their good and bad. good for me was that when ds2 was born ds1 was already very independant and could get a drink, go to the toilet, manage by himself for short bursts. also had a better comprehensionof waiting while i tended to ds2. bad side is that it is sometimes hard to do things they both enjoy, on days out for example. but ds2 is now 18mths and ds1 5 years old and they do play. mostly alongside each other but still kind of together. they love each other and they give each other companionship and well, its the way it is!

EverybodysCryEyed Tue 02-Oct-12 20:41:55

Mine have the same age gap and they adore each other

crackcrackcrak Tue 02-Oct-12 20:43:20

I'll let you know soon! There will be almost exactly 3 years between dd's 1 and 2 when dd2 hatches. I think it will be fine - dd old enough to do some helping and she's b good with friends babies. Dd1 also plays really well with friends dd's who are 4 and 5.5 - they seem to run along well grin

betterthanthat Tue 02-Oct-12 20:43:47

3.5 years here. Have always had a great relationship since the start. Still share a bedroom because they want to and play fantastic role play games together. As with all siblings, they also have their fallings out and there are different issues to manage with a 3.5 yr gap. But for me it has suited us and was our choice and I have no regrets. I know other families with a similar gap where their children dont get on and other families with a closer gap where the kids are constantly at each others throats. There are no guarantees I guess, but for us it works really well!

MrFlibble Tue 02-Oct-12 20:44:56

Ohhh I just posted a lengthly and thoughtful reply and it disappeared!

Mine are 2 and 5, a boy and a girl. They are currently refusing to sleep in separate beds and insisting on sharing.

They'll be fine IWantToGoThere. Honest.

sittinginthesun Tue 02-Oct-12 20:46:08

3 years 2 months between my boys and it's fantastic!

The eldest was out of nappies, pushchair, cot, so I had one baby and one toddler.

They are best friends, play together all the time, rarely fight and there is very little competition between them.

Perfect age gap, IMO. grin

fuckwittery Tue 02-Oct-12 20:50:50

3 year 3 week age gap between mine, they absolutely adore each other. 5 and 2 now, and they play together all the time.

RobinSparkles Tue 02-Oct-12 20:51:17

There is a 3 years and 9 months age gap between mine and its lovely! They both share a room and show so much love for each other. They are 5 and 19 months.

I like the fact that I have had lots of one to one time with DD1 before DD2 was born and now that she has gone to school I get lots of one to one time with DD2, so they've both had a similar start.

RobinSparkles Tue 02-Oct-12 20:52:46

I do some work at school and 3 year age gaps between siblings seems to be very common!

greenhill Tue 02-Oct-12 20:56:46

My DD is 5 yo and my DS is 2 yo, like you I had a MMC (and an ERPC in between), so would only have had a 2 year gap otherwise. My DC play together really well, he loves copying what she does and she loves showing him what to do in games she has devised. Sometimes I have to intervene, when they are rough with each other now, but this is normal too. It was not a problem when DS was a baby though, my DD was very nurturing then smile

My DD is very sociable and loves playing with all other children. Play / music / swim groups range in ages and other children your DS know will have older / younger siblings too.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Worrying about the unknown is normal, but don't worry too much smile

Faxthatpam Tue 02-Oct-12 21:03:13

I have 3 (school) year gaps between older 3 DSs and there is good and bad. Mine were lovely with each other most of the time when little but tended not to get on so well when 11/12 and 14/15. Oldest 2 now 16 and 19 and get on so well it's lovely to see. Oldest back at Uni now and 13 and 16 YOs not so close - lots of bickering! I do think that all age gaps have good and bad sides and lots of ups and downs through the years. It is what it is so just enjoy the ups! One upside I never foresaw was not having to suffer GCSEs and A levels simultaneously and not having to put two through Uni at the same time! grin Enjoy.

rhetorician Tue 02-Oct-12 21:10:49

2y10m between my dds - it was hard at the beginning because they had such different needs, and dd2's arrival compounded the normal toddler meltdowns. But as dd2 gets bigger they like playing with one another; there's no guarantee that siblings closer in age will like the same activities either - this way they get to shape their own identity a bit more. Swings and roundabouts

SarryB Tue 02-Oct-12 21:16:40

There is 7 years between me and my youngest sister. I have three other sisters, one a year older, one a year younger, and another one two years younger.

My youngest sister is the only one I have ever got on with and we even shared a room for a long time!

Don't worry about it smile And congratulations on your pregnancy!

cutegorilla Tue 02-Oct-12 21:16:53

I think relationships between siblings have more to do with individual personalities than age gaps. I have nearly 4 years between my DD and DS1 and sometimes they are great together and other times they fight. There's just over 4 yrs between DS1 and DS2 and they adore each other so far (DS2 14 months).

ladyintheradiator Tue 02-Oct-12 21:18:00

I have exactly three years and my DC adore each other. They are just about to turn 5 and 2. I love that DS has had two full years with his sister before starting school, and that it's now that she needs a bit more one on one time that she's getting it, and we have a year of just us before she starts pre-school. He was old enough to understand that sometimes we had to be quiet when she was tiny, or that sometimes mummy was more tired etc, and old enough to want to feel a bit grown up in some ways, e.g. helping me get the baby's things ready to go out. And he had just started pre-school when she was born so had a few hours each week away from the house, a bit of structured activity and so on.

They play together with Duplo, Happyland, they go on their scooters together, sit together to draw and do craft, he 'reads' to her, she is his shadow, or was before she became a bit bossy with him smile

GnomeDePlume Tue 02-Oct-12 21:19:13

Ideal gap IME. DD was 3 when DS was born. She was great - a real help eg getting tissues when I was feeding DS.

Now that they are 17 & 14 they still have a good and thoughtful relationship.

theotherboleyngirl Tue 02-Oct-12 21:20:26

3.5 years between DS and DTD's - LOVE the age gap. Again not planned. It would have been 2 years if gone to plan but so glad it didn't! DS adores his sisters, was independent enough never to be jealous or competitive with them. I have more bickering between the DT's that with the older one. As they get older (DT's nearly 3) they are playing more and more together. DS is incredibly protective of his sisters and in turn he is their absolute favourite person. However, I do think so much of sibling relatonships depends on the personality of the eldest, and I guess we've just been really fortunate there and DS just naturally seems to fit the big brother role.

pjd Tue 02-Oct-12 21:23:03

OP - I could have written your post! I too would have liked a 2 year age gap, but had a mmc. Have ended up with a 3 year 3 month age gap. DS1 is now 3 years 10 months and DS2 is 7 months. The beginning was difficult - the first 8 weeks or so, mainly because it was a shock to the system for DS1 to have to share me, and he became very clingy as a result which was hard as I was breastfeeding so was attached to DS2 most of the time!! However now that those difficult first few weeks are over,things are great. Obviously it's hard to tell yet whether they will play together well as DS2 is still little, but DS1 is very affectionate towards him and seems to have accepted him and the signs are good so far that they will have a good relationship (fingers crossed!!). As another poster said, I think there are pros and cons to any age gap, you just need to focus on the pros!

emalushka Tue 02-Oct-12 21:27:41

I have an age gap of 3 years and 2 months between my 2 daughters and it's perfect. They are best friends, play together nicely and have chosen to share a bedroom together. When my youngest was a newborn, the eldest could understand why I was so busy and was able to help out and look after herself a bit.
She was toilet trained, out of the buggy and could dress herself, get a drink etc. the eldest is now at school and I get to spend lots of quality time with the youngest.
I'm now pregnant again, but will only have a 2 year 4 month gap between number 2 and 3. I'm now panicking as I know it won't be as easy as last time! There's a huge difference between a 2 year old and a 3 year old!

wigglesrock Tue 02-Oct-12 22:14:32

I have 3 years and 3 months gap between dd2 and dd3, its great. Dd2 is still young enough to want to play with dd3 and still likes playing with her baby toys etc but can still go to the loo, eat and amuse herself if needs be. It really is a lovely age gap, dd2 has just started school and its lovely having some time alone with dd3. Dd1 is great with dd3 too but she's gone a bit hair flickey at the minute grin and lots of things are soooooo babyish (she's 7 btw grin)

youbethemummylion Tue 02-Oct-12 22:14:46

I have a 3 year and a few days age gap between my two sons. They get along fantastically. DS1 is DS2's playmate, protector and teacher. and DS2 brings my shy, quiet DS1 out of his shell.

Mumofjz Tue 02-Oct-12 22:17:25

3yrs 7mth bewteen DD10 and DS7 and they get on like a house on fire (most of the time) Once DS was at an age where he could play with DD rather than along the side of her, their relationship went from strength to srength. DD mothers DS (he lets her) and she really looks out for him.. Wouldn't have it any other way - and mine were planned smile

scarlettsmummy2 Tue 02-Oct-12 22:19:26

3.2 between my two daughters and so far it's been great! They love each other to bits and like someone else said, the older child can do a lot of things for herself, so takes a bit of pressure off. She is also at nursery five mornings so I have some time for the baby as well.

StaceeJaxx Tue 02-Oct-12 22:21:11

3.5 between my 2. When dd2 was born dd1 wasn't really interested. Once she started to walk dd1 became interested, and they started to play together. Now at 9 and 6 they always play together. They share a room and fight like cat and dog, but also play really well together, they're very close. DD2 said to me the other day, "I love daddy, and I love you the best mummy, but I love dd1 more than you because she's my sister and we sisters together." grin

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