Motherhood does amazing things to you as a person(24 Posts)
DS3 had a tummy bug and was sleeping on me. We had a full on puke into my cleavage - I just held him close until he was finished and had soaked me in vomit but I'd saved the sofa.
Another time he'd done one of his once weekly poos at my friend's house I
'm too lazy to get the changing mat out and get down on the floor so was changing him on my lap when he farted and I had that 'OMG he's not finished' feeling - with that he projectile pooed into my hands - I was sitting there with him across my lap and a double handful of very liquid breastmilk poo and no idea what to do next, lol
Not forgetting the time in June when DH decided to projectile shit up the toilet wall on a trans-atlantic BA flight at 3am. Trying to change a squirming 9 month old in a cublicle that size whilst simultaneously attempting to stop his diorreah from getting over anything else is beyond impossible.
I got back to my seat after 35 minutes and DH says "where were you?" - bastard fucker.
Thanks Ladies, this thread has immediately improved my mood.
So far, my most horrible moment was not the leaky poos or vomit, but when I was changing my 1 year old pooey nappy, I have noticed that she hasn't quite finished and had a soft lump of poo hanging down from her bottom on a string of poo. I had to wipe it gently, because as far she was concerned, she has finished and would gladly walk around with poo stuck in her bottom. Pulling a bit of poo out has made me gag a bit.
Pudgy! That's so funny!
Mine was probably dragging drunk DH by his leg to close the front door of our house while winding the baby who really didn't want to be put down. I must have looked like a cave woman
ha ha....not the images that we think of when we pee on a stick..
DS was 18 months old, and sitting in his car seat. His bottom 'exploded'. The smell hit me first and I started gagging. He was wearing a nappy I might add. When I stopped and lifted him out of his seat I realised it had overflowed his nappy. It was all up his back, and had poured down the inside of his trousers, all over his new shoes, his seat, and my car. Oh the smell. And I had to keep going till I got him home. The longest 3 minutes of my life. I had to take a black bin liner out to the car to use to carry him up to the bathroom in, as 'D'H would have gone mad at the mess. It must have taken me a good hour to get him, his clothes, car seat, shoes, and my car clean again. Bleurgh!
Norovirus when DS was about 6months old. Say no more
There's nothing more satisfying than extracting a long, slightly crusty bogey from a baby's nose
I'd do the sick, poo, bogey thing for my own children. But I won't do it for other people <boak> Parenthood had not changed that!
ew yuk no I leave the icky jobs to DP or DM/MIL
Dd used to aim down my bra to vomit as a baby. As she had reflux this was a very common occurrence.
If someone had vomited on my boobs pre kids I would have punched them!
I once had to help ds1 poo in a plastic bag in the car (broken down on dual carriageway, steep drop to only available hedges)
Omg pudgy I thought I'd done well fishing out bogies and catching poo (to save the car seat) She's only 6 months tho do I guess I have time.
One year old DS is a prolific shitter, capable of exploding out of every single pamper we've put him in.
When he was 6 weeks old, he hadn't pooed for 3 days. I was sitting in the back of the car nursing him after lunch with a friend and had him resting on my knee. He chose that moment to evacuate his little bowels, poo shot out the top of his nappy and proceeded to run down my thighs and into my shorts and knickers (live in a hot country, spend my life wearing shorts) - he'd finished nursing so after putting my boob away, I leaned him forward to check how bad the damage was only for him to projectile vomit over me. So I was sitting in a big puddle of poo and puke that were leaking into my pants.
I managed to reach into the front seat for my bag only to find that I only had 3 wipes left which I had to tear into strips with my one non-poo covered hand, and attempt to mop the baby up. I had to lie him on the floor to avoid the sick and after 45 minutes, cleaned him up sufficiently to allow me to re-pamper him and put him back in his car seat. I then had to drive home all the while attempting to keep my arse from touching the seat to stop the poo/puke continuing their journey into my butt crack and lady garden. It didn't work - when I got out the car it looked like I'd shit myself.
Since that day, and amongst other gross things, DS has projectile vomited on my face, sneezed a giant booger into my mouth and only last week I walked into his room on MOnday morning to find him playing with his own poo which was scattered about his crib and all over his toys like a Jackson Pollock painting. Bless him, he looked so pleased with himself!
I fear no poo nor vomit. I have a stomach of steel now.
Other kids' snot used to make me gag. I've just spent the weekend unflinchingly wiping the most superfluous green snot from DS's nose.
Oh yes, poking huge bogeys out of tiny noses like its the most normal thing in the world.
I'm less of a half-job! I won't cut corners when it comes to DD whereas I used to loads... She deserves the best and I want to be a good role model.
yup. using your hands to cup vomit. Clearing noses. Picking up poo. hunting the one that you can smell but you just can't find. Cleaning it off walls and floors. Examining poo in great detail I am called upon to admire it. "Look mum, I did a MONSTER POO!" whereupon I must go to the bathroom, look down the loo and be very admiring and enthusiastic. They don't tell you that in the parenting books!
I was called in to witness my eldest son's first erection he had no clue what was happening and couldn't believe this miraculous transformation.
I've caught a toddler about to fall through a bannister. I've cleared slugs and snails and cat litter from little mouths.
I've helped them to wee into bottles when they've been caught short in the car and no loo for miles - and ended up with wee all over my hand.
I find injuries harder to deal with. If they're hurt, particularly if they're bleeding, my legs hurt. It's really weird. I get a very strong cramping and shooting pain in my legs.
It's a weird sort of life, that's for sure.
Having dt1 poo and pee on me and just being thankful that she had gone.
Having dogs/babies/toddlers be sick on me without gagging and vomiting myself.
The dog was the worst though.
DS was sick in a cafe a few weeks ago all over the high chair floor and himself, i cleaned it up stripped him put clean clothes on then finished my lunch, didn't put me off one bit.
Getting baby sick on my zipper (tuna pasta lovely) and just rolling up the sleeve.
I can also discuss what type of poo DS one while eating anything.
Oh and letting DS pee over me to save the carpet.
i too surprised myself when catching sick in my hands, i thought i would struggle with that side of things but it's just what you do....also maybe not the kind of thing you are looking for but i have also got an amazing ability to catch after being the offical most clumsy uncoordinated person in the history of people, that i put down to motherhood.
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