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I'm a horrid, shouty, no patience mummy. :-(

(17 Posts)
toptramp Fri 28-Sep-12 23:21:45

Just that really. I love dd with all my heart but I have no patience with winging and she winges A LOT. I just end up feeling resentful an dshouting far too much. The bottom line is I don't have the patience required to be a good mum. I work, I'm a single mum but with a goodish career but I find parenting tough. DD has just started school and is therefore tired and very wingy. I intellectually know what she needs but myinitial reaction is to just shout. ugggr. i'm rubbish at this.

Tryingtothinkofnewsnazzyname Fri 28-Sep-12 23:23:40

It is hard. Don't be too hard on yourself. Can you walk away instead of shouting when she whinges? I feel your pain, my DS has just entered a whingy stage and it grinds.

habbibu Fri 28-Sep-12 23:26:41

I wouldn't normally recommend parenting books, but this is great How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. You do have to translate a bit from American ways of talking, but it makes lots of sense.

NellyJob Fri 28-Sep-12 23:30:48

just try and make tomorrow a better day

toptramp Fri 28-Sep-12 23:31:42

I have the book; I just don't have the patience to read it! i'd rather read an adult novel but that's just it isn't it? I need to change.

StellaNova Fri 28-Sep-12 23:36:16

Aw toptramp you are me! I also have that book and don't have the patience to read it, and feel I am a horrid shouty/ sarcastic mummy who is horrible.

I really feel bad because DS1 is very shouty and angry and I tell him to change but I think if it is hard for me how much harder is it for him? He has just started school too.

How does your DD sleep? I feel lack of sleep over the last 5 years is a major factor in my shoutiness, not that it is an excuse sad

skyebluesapphire Fri 28-Sep-12 23:38:26

I understand. I used to shout at my DD 4yo a lot. Since her father walked out, I have struggled with her at times, but am trying to give her a secure loving home and I am trying sooooo hard not to shout at her but it isnt easy.

What made me realise that it was wrong, was comparing it to how you treat other people..... If a friend or family member does something you dont like, or moans a lot, do you shout at them? Do you shout at colleagues at work?

I realised that it wasnt acceptable to shout at DD as I never shouted at anybody else.....

But it is so hard. and like tonight, when she's screaming because she wants to walk up the road and not get a lift with nana and she hates nana and she lies down in the middle of the road....... she got shouted at!! out of fear more than anything as I wanted to get her off the road.

I try and ignore behaviour, or try distraction. DD was tired and crabby tonight. As soon as we got home and she had a drink, her head stopped spinning round and she became normal again......

All I can suggest is walking away rather than shouting, unless she is in danger... distraction if out shopping or something... bribery/blackmail/threats!

I give her a threat of something - no tv, no sweets, no NDS, whatever is the favourite thing, then count to 5. If the behaviour continues, then you have to see the threat through

good luck

elfycat Fri 28-Sep-12 23:44:08

Well you've just summed up how I feel about my last hour.

DD1 (3.5) wouldn't go for a wee just before bed (really late - she was just fighting it), then 2 mins after she lay down she came to tell me she's done a massive wee, bed, pjs etc all need changing. She's in with DD2 (20 months) who's awake now.

I was very shouty and cross and poor DD1 was sobbing. We calmed down, I apologised and Tree Fu Tom saved the day. I'm really tired at the moment which isn't helping (one DD is an owl, the other a lark).

toptramp Fri 28-Sep-12 23:44:12

But my friends and family members wouldn't be nacked 5 minutes before work started, bite my bum (cute but not when not in the moos), ask me to buy them evrything undre the suna dn express very little thanks for it etc, etc, etc. I do love it but I ma knackered.

toptramp Fri 28-Sep-12 23:49:22

and also a bit pissed. My poor dd. I do hug her but when I want too hug her she's not interested and whne I want to hug her she dodn't want me too!

skyebluesapphire Fri 28-Sep-12 23:58:28

I found that actually making time for her helps as well. Not that you can give in to every demand, but I work from home a lot and if she comes in and starts going on about a story or NDS game or something, its easier to give her half an hour, than to keep telling her Im busy, then have her going on and on about it.

Its difficult when they are this young as they dont really understand everything and they dont understand the cost of things, or time or things like that.

Your tiredness certainly wont help. I know that Im more impatient with DD when Im tired. But she is sleeping in with me at the moment, since her dad left us and she disturbs me frequently through the night...

Not sure what to suggest other than try and get a good bedtime routine going for both of them, toilet, brush teeth, story (cd), kisses cuddles and bed. I tell my DD frequently that I love her more than anything in the whole wide world and give her lots of cuddles. She used to pull away from me all the time, but now she enjoys it.

Startailoforangeandgold Fri 28-Sep-12 23:58:55

Hugs
DD2 could winge for Britain.

On a good day I'd manage "use a nice voice, please"

On a normal day it was "go to your room until you want to be nice".

On a bad day it was "shut up and stop whining!"

It's hard work being good all day. When they come home you get every minor niggle, every tiny unfairness, at great length.

In the end we had a rule DD2 was to either be quiet or say positive things on the way home from school.

She was fairly good at this, but she was older by this point and began to realise how irritating it was.

After a drink, food and a dose of CBeebies she was much nicer to talk to.

lorisparkle Sat 29-Sep-12 00:21:33

You sound a very normal Mum to me. I used to start every morning being pretty horrible to DS1 and DS2 trying to get them ready for school and have so little patience. What is ridiculous is that in my job people often comment on how much patience I have and ask my advice on behaviour problems. I know you don't want another book recommendation but I have recently bought the calmer, easier, happier parenting book and my morning have been transformed. In my case sleep deprivation is the culprit but I find that the evenings are the only time to myself so don't go to bed when I should.

BertieBotts Sat 29-Sep-12 00:25:25

Would it help to motivate you if you know that the less you shout and expect too much from her, the more co-operative she will be and the less she will shout and be rude to you?

I struggle a lot with not shouting etc but I find when I'm doing worse, DS behaves worse, messes around, things take longer etc, but when I'm doing better he behaves a lot better and things don't take as long and it helps to remind myself of this.

skyebluesapphire Sat 29-Sep-12 01:02:42

agree with both above posts. My DD reacts better the calmer I am with her.... also, I dont go to bed early enough and then I am tired all the time too.

achillea Sat 29-Sep-12 01:17:28

I agree with Bertiebotts - the calmer you are, the calmer she will be. Remember that she needs you intensely, everything you do or don't do is immensely important to her and will shape the way she grows up. So try to just be nice, smile, enjoy and watch while she relaxes and cools and cooperates.

It is actually quite simple. You learn as much from your children as they learn from you.

FizzyLaces Sat 29-Sep-12 01:25:56

Loris totally know what you mean (I am still here at 1.20amsmile

They are not small for long and she may not remember you being like this towards her but I suggest you try hard to sort this as it will affect your child's confidence.

It's hard to juggle; like you I was a single Mum when my dd was your child's age and I was working my arse off to provide for her. I was a grumpy cow a lot and my DD1, although wonderful in many, many ways, is quite insecure. I take a lot of the blame for this and she has had counselling. 10 years on I have a second dd who is soooooooo chilled and I think this is a lot to do with genetics and a hell of a lot to do with me.

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