Any tips on helping 12yo son stop being a victim?

[lindajh52]

I have twin 12yo boys and 16yo daughter. Twin 1 and daughter are fairly well liked and have a good group of friends. Twin 2 however, has friends but is constantly tormented at school and even at scouts by boys his own age and older. He is a geek but so is his sister, he doesn't like team sports and a lot of the problems seem to stem from the fact that he tries really hard but still isnt very good - people start laughing at him , he gets little support from teachers and leaders whose sole answer seems to be to tell the others to'calm down'. He is sensitive and he realises that his response can make matters worse but I would love to be able to give him some advice on avoiding being a 'victim' in the first place. ( I would never use the word victim to him btw!)

[diyqueen]

I feel for him, I was bullied for years at school and it destroyed my confidence and the first part of my adult life.

All you can do is try to give him opportunities for finding more like-minded people and things he'd be good at - is he in any clubs in or outside school? Support him in the friendships he has, having friends over or meeting up outside school etc. And reassure him that it's not his problem, it's other people being dumb and immature and that when he's older he'll be appreciated for who he is (this was certainly true for me - in sixth form the bullying just stopped). You could also reassure him that it doesn't matter if he's not good at team sports, he doesn't need to bust a gut trying, just focus on the things he is good at. He can try to show the bullies that they don't bother him, and avoid rising to them, but it's very difficult as young people can be extremely persistent and cruel.

[lindajh52]

diyqueen, thank you so much for responding! He does have a couple of out of school clubs and has got a small solid group of friends. This is what I try and focus him on rather than the negatives. On a good note his twin told me how he stopped somebody teasing him the other lunchtime. Family and friends - so important!