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What do you say when your child is sad that another child doesn't want to be their friend?

(7 Posts)
missorinoco Wed 26-Sep-12 20:24:06

Just that really.

DS is 5. The background is overly long and more overly uninteresting, but there is a child DS wants to be friends with who isn't interested in DS. I have no strong feelings who DS is friends with, and he has a few other friends, but nearly a year later remains sad that this chap does not want to be friends with him.

Do you just keep sympathising? The topic comes up every few weeks, obviously it's restarted again now school has restarted. I've run out clever or helpful things to say, but I do feel for DS, so I don't want to appear dismissive.

desertgirl Wed 26-Sep-12 21:10:15

aww poor boy. I don't think I have anything clever to say, just sympathy - have a sensitive soul DS myself and it is difficult.

It seems unusual at 5 for other boy to continue 'not wanting to be friends' for so long; assuming he is the same age? is there anything underlying it?

might it be worth having a word with the teacher, just saying this is obviously still playing on his mind, do you have any suggestions? she might have noticed the way they interact, if both children are in same class, and have ideas?

LadyDianaSpencer Wed 26-Sep-12 23:16:27

I'd say that it's normal that sometimes people we want to be friends with don't want to be friends with us, and the other way round too. I'd stress that this happens to just about everybody at some point in their lives.

missorinoco Thu 27-Sep-12 19:16:11

Thanks for you replies.

Desertgirl, I think they are just quite different; I think the other child has one good friend and likes playing with him. I suspect also DS asks him at least weekly if he will be his friend, and gets told bluntly in a 5 y.o. fashion "No."

I will ask his teacher if he is settled though; it may be he asks the child and then runs off to play with someone else, and I get the sob stories at the end of the day.

desertgirl Thu 27-Sep-12 21:01:22

I think you do need to say that people don't always want to be friends with other people, if you didn't already, but maybe also worth trying to discourage the 'will you be my friend' thing and talk about acting in a friendly manner instead of asking for friendship. I think even at that age 'will you be my friend' can come across as slightly 'needy' (ie offputting, I don't suppose they think 'needy'!) whereas joining in with a game, if it's a suitable game for joining, is more 'acceptable'?

the teacher might have suggestions anyway - good luck

Pradaqueen Thu 27-Sep-12 21:07:19

Had the same issue for past 2 years with DD who is now nearly 7 except child in question who doesn't want to be friends with DD is highly manipulative and every now and again 'chucks a bone'cto keep my DD interested in the friendship i.e. a backstop position. It is like Stockholm syndrome observing my DD beahviour in response! Don't rule out other child having learned behaviour from the parents (this is the case with my DD). it is unusual which is why you are right to be concerned. Encourage other friendships asap and try and reassure your DS it is not his fault x

sheeesh Thu 27-Sep-12 21:20:07

Same going on here with DD 7. Good ideas about saying some people don't want to be friends. I've also told DD to spend time with people who make you happy as life is too short to be around people who make you sad.
Have also suggested that she back off a bit as child in question tends to withdraw the more DD tries to be friends .

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