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Too shouty by half

(3 Posts)
LaCiccolina Wed 26-Sep-12 14:01:34

My hubs has told me a few times recently I shout at our toddler. She's nearly two. He's full time working and I'm presently a sahm.

I am very fast to be irritable. It is a failing. I can be sarky or pithy and biting in my reaction. I am definately a 0-60 temperament. That said I can be very good in dealing with situations. I can detach and sort a problem or emergency easily. I can be extremely tolerant too. It's not like I'm just one thing.

I am worried now about shouting at dd. I don't want to intimidating or frightening. I've read books and the people described seem very bland, all with holding emotion in front of the child. But what do you do with that emotion afterwards? It has to spill out somewhere doesn't it? I'm not an automaton, but I'm starting to worry I'm weird, overly angry, scary and oh heavens very unlike supernanny and those described in books.

I wouldn't mind but sometimes I can hear my reaction to a situation (drawing on the floorboards) but don't actually feel the intensity I sound. Like I'm adding anger to achieve a result faster or something. Or because it then sounds more like my mum or dad. Plainly I'm getting it wrong. Hubs mum is a blooming saint, doubt he got shouted at once. So doesn't I expect help comparisons.

Am I the only one to worry about how angry they sound? Has anyone else got any tips to not shouting? And what you do with the excess feelings at another point? I don't think bottling things up is healthy either, wouldn't want it to pop out in a massive blow up in a week for example...,

steppemum Wed 26-Sep-12 22:17:00

I am shouty and yes it does worry me and yes I do take steps to cut it down.

Of course children should know about feelings, but you have to be the adult and react in proportion to the offence. So, drawing on floorboards. You are very upset because it is expensive/difficult to remove etc. But your dd is only 2 and she has no concept of that. She has found something that makes marks and made marks on something that feels good to write on.

At that point as the adult you have to take a deep breath, count to 10 and then, rather than react, you have to deal with what she has done. Find a simple punishment than works for you - time out, take away a toy (not essential bedtime toy), firm mummy isn't happy talk (short and to the point)

There are many things that toddlers do that they do because they are toddlers. So drawing is a normal part of exploring their world. In this case I would say no, you mustn't draw on the floor, it doesn't come off, mummy isn't happy, that isn't nice. Drawing is always on paper. But I would also move the pens. I kept all pens out of reach, they had to ask and then we drew on kitchen table (ds drew on EVERYTHING otherwise)

Toddlers cannot hold an instruction when you are not present. It is unreasonable to expect them to be able to do so. So if they know they are not allowed to climb in table, they won't, until you leave the room. Then if there is something they want they will climb. Of course you can repeat the no, but don't expect them to do something they are not old enough to do.

Also, in the long run, the more you shout, the less they listen.

LaCiccolina Thu 27-Sep-12 20:58:11

Yeah not flipping easy is it? Thanks for the reply. I find the very detached / professional type attitude as if you are in the workplace kinda weird. Added to that she looks at me then as if to say "You dont get it mum do you? Got to be a happy medium hasnt there?

At least I know another wonders how shouty they are too and that doesnt stop!

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