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If I swear 'f' word at DS 10 whist going mad with his hwk..should i call social services?

(18 Posts)
samsysoo Sun 09-Sep-12 22:02:54

I am at the end of my tether. FIND MYSELF SWEARING AND TOTALLY FRUSTRATED...LOSING IT WITH MY 10 YR OLDS FRUSTATING BEHAVIOUR. HIS SCHOOL WORK IS SO MINIMAL. HARDLY WRITES NEATLY, OR MAKES ANY REAL EFFORT. ALWAYS THE MINIMUM...I AM WATCHING AN EXTREMELY BRIGHT CHILD WASTE HIMSELF BEFORE ME. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HELP I CAN GET FOR MY LACK OF PATIENCE, MY DISAPPOINTMENT AND GENERAL EXHAUSTION. HIS BEHAVIOUR IS PRETTY MUCH LURCHING FROM OK...OK/NICE KID TO FREAK OUT TANTRUMS WHEN EVER SANCTIONS ARE LAID OUT. IT IS A COMPLETELY EXHAUSTING JOB TO PARENT HIM.
I AM FED UP, NOT ENJOYING THE RELENTLESS STRESS AND WISH I WASN'T A PARENT AT ALL. I DO WONDER WHAT HELP IS THERE FOR A PARENT , LIKE ME, WHO IS SO SAD AT TURNING OUT TO BE RUBBISH AT IT? I NEVER IMAGINED I WOULD GET TO THE POINT WHEN I WOULD SWEAR AT MY CHILD. ANYONE HAD ANY GOOD HELP PROFESSIONALLY. I NEED HELP WITH ANGER MANAGEMENT FOR ME AND MY CHILD. I LIVE IN THE EAST MIDLANDS AREA AND WILL TRAVEL TO A GOOD COURSE ANYWHERE.

Mummy4life Sun 09-Sep-12 22:39:00

HI
The fact that you are asking for help, must mean you are at the end of your tether and want to change.

Have you considered that your child may have problems at school or trouble learning? My son is in the process of being tested for dyslexia. As the years went by and work got harder at school, he's attention levels decreased and it was almost like he had switched off. Very frustrating. But as you probably know, shouting and swearing makes you feel good for about 5 seconds, then you feel awful! He may need extra support... Swearing and shouting will humiliate him and make him feel pretty useless.

I'm not sure if I'd go calling social services just yet! I guess it depends on your back ground? Or if you think you are on the verge of physically hurting your son? I'd definitely seek some kind of advice though. Perhaps talk to his teacher too? Also, do you have any close friends or family to talk to?

Sorry I'm not much help. Hope you get things sorted

valiumredhead Mon 10-Sep-12 09:58:30

www8.triplep.net/

I have heard good things about this course.

You sound like you are frustrated but have the school actually said anything about him not doing well, or is he just messing around at home not doing his homework?

He is 10, they do tend to swing from being lovely to little toads - that's par for the course.

Have you been to see your GP about how you feel? From your post it looks like it's more to do with how you feel rather than his behaviour.

HeathRobinson Mon 10-Sep-12 10:01:17

Can you step back from the homework and let the school apply sanctions?
If he's got a desk, in a quiet place with stationery supplies, I think you're doing your bit.

valiumredhead Mon 10-Sep-12 10:06:00

Ds always does the minimum amount of homework and tbh I don't chase him up for it as I think they are school most of the day and home time needs to be relaxing down time.

ReallyTired Mon 10-Sep-12 13:08:51

I doult social services would be particularly interested. It sounds like most ten year old boys. Infact it would not surprise me if a lot of social workers have ten year olds exactly like your son.

This charity might be able to help you.

familylives.org.uk/

Campbdy Mon 10-Sep-12 17:09:25

Hiya
I'm offering no solution I'm afraid, cos I've a 6 year old that's driving me to distraction, too. Seriously been losing it with her recently. Just wanted to say, I don't believe it's any reflection on you as a parent. Some of us just seem to have kids that are volatile. I'm just hoping mine 'grows out of it' or calms down at some point, cos nothing we do seems to be working.
Feel your pain.

wine is my saviour at the moment! Lol

samsysoo Sun 23-Sep-12 20:33:59

Thank you for your support. Its so hard some days and there seems so little help.

samsysoo Sun 23-Sep-12 20:36:47

Fabulous ...I love that link...I will ring them in the morning. So great...we listen and don't judge! Cos you can't talk to there parents if they only confess to having angels for kids. I just feel isolated.

samsysoo Sun 23-Sep-12 20:40:07

Thank you for taking the time to support me in your reply. I really don't have a single friend with a difficult child/relationship. I don't get that support and feel on my own. I have tried lots of places for help...no avail yet.

samsysoo Sun 23-Sep-12 20:41:28

Fabulous ...I love that link...I will ring them in the morning. So great...we listen and don't judge! Cos you can't talk to there parents if they only confess to having angels for kids. I just feel isolated.

samsysoo Sun 23-Sep-12 20:42:48

Thank you so much for the link....I will follow that up. I so love mums net...such a life line if you've no mates with toads!

BobblyOrangeGoldGussets Sun 23-Sep-12 20:50:50

I second the poster who mentioned Dyslexia OP. You don't need any of us to berate you, you know yourself that you dropped a bollock by doing that. No-one is perfect, despite what some of the poster on MN may have you believe wink, but the fact that you recognise it and that you try so hard suggests that you aren't doing too badly.

Step away from the homework. If you want him to do something, try the "bored policeman", repeating your request calmly over and over again. Let him take the consequences of his actions such as not doing his homework, on himself. It might help to have a word with his teachers on the sly, explaining what you are doing.

I hope this helps. You sound honest and self-aware, you are on your way to doing it right.

samsysoo Sun 23-Sep-12 20:55:31

Hi Can't seem to find any links to the triplep programme in the Uk. Do you know of anyone who has followed it at all in the UK?
thanks

mumofthemonsters808 Sun 23-Sep-12 21:17:37

There's me thinking only my DD behaved this way, we spent 2 painful hours working through her maths and literacy.Now I was always under the impression homework supplements what is taught in the classroom but according to her she had never been taught any of the concepts.So we were not just answering questions but starting from scratch.I was looking things up on the internet because I did not know the terminology and getting more frustrated by her attitude. She is a bright girl but her head is filled with nonsense (x factor, friends news) anything apart from her schoolwork.My main concern is that she will not have the motivation to study independently at Senior school.

catstail Sun 23-Sep-12 21:26:17

I think you need a new homework routine. Find out from teacher how long they would expect it to take. Then talk to your ds and explain that you will now set an alarm clock or the set amount o time, during which you are most willing to help. After that you will be busy and he will then be free to pack up whenever he wants to.

Try it for say 6 weeks . I can guarantee you wont be rowing with him about homework any more and you will enjoy each others company again.

You are not going to help him academically in the long run by breaking your relationship over home work.

Let him and his teacher deal with any failings in the homework, let your son choose whether to do it or face the consequences (if there are any). You see, much of it might be fairly optional or pointless, in which case there really is no point letting it come between you both.

caramelsmadfuzzytail Sun 23-Sep-12 21:30:45

I gave up trying to help ds1 with his homework, he did it at school.

It did my head in that he just couldn't grasp anything.

Hopefully I will be better with ds2

DollyTwat Sun 23-Sep-12 21:47:08

You're not alone I promise you!
Ds1 is just the same. One minute cuddly and lovely, next he's a seething mass of temper. It makes a huge difference if I'm calm in how any disagreements turn out

I got help from the school parent co-ordination who arranged a mentor for ds1. He's great spends about an hour each week talking through anger management techniques and chats about how he's feeling.

I am hoping it will help long term for us, early days though

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