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Broken hearted over my DS

(939 Posts)
DistressedMumHELP Wed 29-Aug-12 22:09:20

Okay, i want help and reassurance really. I have name changed for this in case anyone recognises me. I was stopped and asked for an account of events yesterday after witnessing an altercation and the police officer noticed the bruise on my little boys cheek. Which i explained was where he had fallen in between the step and bench in my garden, they then noticed he has bruises on his legs around his knees, so eventually they arrested me on suspicion of ABH. I was of course a mess, but i was told at the time that it was procedure etc, so i was compliant with them, Last night i got released on police bail and was of course expecting my little boy back, but today after seeing social services they have said i cant have him returned to me. I am heart broken, i have never hurt my child on purpose, and i look after him as best as possible. Originally they were saying he didnt talk, but today in front of the social worker he was talking, and i am trying to explain that he gets shy about talking, when they say he is friendly etc. They went through all my history and i have been as open as possible with them, and i dont know what to do. They want to keep him in care and are applying for a court order on friday to do so. I plan on seeing a solicitor tomorrow, the only reason i didnt today was because i didnt leave the social services until half 5 so no where was open.


I want him home. Does anyone have any experiences? How long will it take? They said they couldnt say,

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat Wed 02-Oct-13 22:02:47

Did you ever get him OP

<<zombie thread, just curious>>

Lougle Mon 05-Nov-12 23:07:36

How are things, DMH? How is contact going, and your freedom programme?

DistressedMumHELP Sat 20-Oct-12 16:24:23

I have parental responsibility. It's cornwall (i live in London) the LA also have responsibility too but so do I. My social worker said I can say no and they would have to change their plans.

Lougle Sat 20-Oct-12 16:20:06

Well, tbh, depending on travel involved, it may not be worth going if less than a week. What is the legal position? I presume that as he is in LA care, you can't actually refuse anyway?

DistressedMumHELP Sat 20-Oct-12 16:11:42

Unless that sounds unreasonable. The reason I didn't say no and I said this to my social worker was that it is an opportunity for him that right now I can't afford and I don't want him to miss out

DistressedMumHELP Sat 20-Oct-12 15:50:55

The foster family are going to parents so I was thinking of a compromise as in seeing him the Saturday before and then coming back sooner.

Fluffanstuff Sat 20-Oct-12 15:02:08

Yep like Lougle says they will be balancing everyones needs , although it might feel a bit crappy just think however hard it is if he does go away for a few days , he might really enjoy it and although it dosn't always feel fair social worker and foster family just like you will all being doing what they think is best ... so many opinions !!

Lougle Sat 20-Oct-12 14:58:32

I think you need to talk to the Social Worker about that one. I guess they must have to balance the needs of his foster family too. I'm glad that your DS is well.

DistressedMumHELP Sat 20-Oct-12 14:53:38

Been told 26 weeks. My court date will be march.
I don't see how they can just take him on holiday for Christmas and ignore my current scheduled contact completely?
Which I.have been, always early, little man happy.

Fluffanstuff Sat 20-Oct-12 14:39:54

Focus on getting him back with you keep working hard at it and it will pay off x

DistressedMumHELP Sat 20-Oct-12 14:37:45

I have

Fluffanstuff Sat 20-Oct-12 14:30:33

Op ,
I work very closely with social services and I know for a fact that there will be more to this story. I also feel that perhaps this isn't the place to be posting this and any concerns should be discussed with your social worker. I have a feeling that you will probably have been through the section 47 process in which case you would know that if your child was deemed as a child in need you would have had it explained to you that certain actions would have consequences.

If anyone tells you it will be over quickly I hate to tell you the opposite , your child will be have been removed because they will have deemed him to be at risk. Wether this is true or not be prepared.

Should the courts deem that he will stay with you , expect daily visits from a social worker who should discuss a plan of action with you. You WILL need to change some things.

If the courts deem that he should go into foster care you will still work closely with a social worker , over a long period of time , should you adhere to their plans you will have the opportunity to work towards having him back. This isnt a decision that will be taken likely and it will only be proved through action rather than your say so.

For all parents reading this post social workers get a hard time , but as many of you will realise this won't be the whole story. Children are resilient little beings and these people do this job for a living , we are able to tell between being scared and being under developed.

Lougle Sat 20-Oct-12 13:39:22

I'm sorry it's so tough. So would you be able to see him on Saturday 22nd December?

DistressedMumHELP Sat 20-Oct-12 12:08:50

Badly. Well not really. His foster family want to take him away for a couple of days later this month, which I am ok with but since knowing I would agree they now want to take him away from the Sunday before Christmas til the Sunday after and I had just got my head round only seeing him Christmas eve now I won't get that. I also know I could never afford to take him away twice in three months. These are opportunities for him that right now I can't give him which tbh makes me feel crap in itself.

I have a parenting assessment on Monday. Had my adult attachment but they are still analysing that

isthiswhatitfeelslike Fri 19-Oct-12 19:27:40

How are things going now?

DistressedMumHELP Sat 13-Oct-12 00:43:37

I have my first mental health assessment which I got from my doctor myself Tuesday. I have one for end November/ beginning of December. I haven't heard anything more about contact from my social worker so it continues as normal.

isthiswhatitfeelslike Fri 12-Oct-12 20:08:32

So have social services not succeeded in reducing your contact? I remember you said they had wanted to. That's great.

Will there be any more court dates until march? Will you have any reviews in court to prove what you've been doing to gain custody back? Are you having regular therapy?

Sorry don't mean to sound like the inquisition!

Lougle Fri 12-Oct-12 19:25:46

Sorry to hear you've both been poorly. If your contact is 5/7, can they move one of the contact days to another day, so that you do 5 contacts, 1 freedom course, 1 free day?

DistressedMumHELP Fri 12-Oct-12 18:36:38

I went to my freedom programme yesterday though got lost on route this time. Little man is poorly again and fell asleep on me. The last three days I have felt nauseous and dizzy today so think I have something too.

I am struggling through each day. Last Sunday I broke down, a few friends were over so I went off into little mans room and laid and cried and my friend found me there and gave me a hug.

I hate losing a day of contact but I know I need to go to the programme and its something that needs doing for me and my DS.

Lougle Wed 10-Oct-12 19:27:15

I hope you've had some positive contact this week so far, and that your first Freedom Programme session was good. You have another tomorrow, I take it?

isthiswhatitfeelslike Wed 10-Oct-12 14:41:19

Thinking of you op, how are things?

TheJiminyConjecture Mon 08-Oct-12 23:23:48

How are things now? Hoping you're making some headway on all your lists. Thinking of you and DS

DistressedMumHELP Wed 03-Oct-12 12:47:47

8 to 12 weeks for the assessments to be started, early march the final decision will be made in court. They have said the parenting assessment will take 12 weeks. My psychological one will quite possibly be weeks too but its worth it. The freedom programme is 12 weeks. My first freedom programme session is tomorrow. Nervous and know its going to be emotional but needs doing

Lougle Wed 03-Oct-12 09:22:05

That must be hard. Where are you with timescales now? When will they be making firmer plans, or have they indicated how long the assessments will take?

DistressedMumHELP Wed 03-Oct-12 09:13:31

We are getting some good time together and he seems happy and settled, its hard though still. My social worker has said that I have been doing what they suggest and said to do the freedom programme cos the place that does the parenting assessment also offers parenting support. My little boy is growing quickly and I see the changes in him after the weekends.

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