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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

If you grew up one of three siblings...

58 replies

Flowerface · 05/08/2012 17:42

How was it? I am seriously broody and thinking about a 3rd, but am worried that they won't get enough parental attention, and also about the fabled 'middle child syndrome'. Does it exist? How did you feel growing up? I have read lots of threads about three children from the parents perspective but was interested in how the children might feel. I like the idea of having a supportive little tribe of them, but maybe I am romanticising it a bit...

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ethelb · 05/08/2012 17:46

I am the oldest of three girls and it will be useful when our parents are older, but I would rather just one other sibling.

However, my parents are both middle children and are so obsessed with 'middle child sydrome (I mean reading books, asking psycologists etc) that my middle sister is the most manipulative indulged git ever. Which may be why I would rather have one sibling. She is a cow who manifpulates all of us against each other and somehow always comes off clean.

ethelb · 05/08/2012 17:47

Sory, meant to say three can be fine just all that birth order bollocks conjures up a load of hassle that doesn't need to be there and provides an excuse for bad behaviour from parents and children alike.

cookielove · 05/08/2012 17:48

I am the youngest of three, i love it!! I did feel left out at times when my older brother and sister got to do things i didn't but isn't that just normal childhood jealousy. My brother the only boy was the middle child, i don't feel he has any middle child syndrome more of won't grow up syndrome i call him 'peter pan'.

I love that i have two siblings, i am much closer to my sister than my brother but we spent more time together as oldest, and even though they both live in different countries, i still feel incredibly close to them.

more · 05/08/2012 17:55

If you feel you have love enough to 3 kids, and feel that you can treat them all equally, then you can do it no problem.
I am the middle of three girls, we all got equally little attention. Children should be seen, not heard kinda blah, blah.

CapuccinoCannoliLover · 05/08/2012 18:09

I am the eldest of three (two younger brothers). I was always picked on by my father to set an example and if there was a fracas, then I was blamed first. There was always two of us ganging up on one of us too. My (middle) brother was like your sister ethelb, but interestingly now we are all in our thirties, he feels like the black sheep of the family, unhappy with his lot and frequently gets the violin out. It is different in other families though, my friend is one of three and in their trio it is the eldest who is discontented and angry. Absolutely agree it is down to the parents, I mean certainly mine let middle bro get away with things, turned a blind eye and wouldn't listen to me and youngest bro. I have just had DS2 and don't want another DC, although that is more to do with my age. I think money and time permitting, I would still stick to 2 DCs, or have 4.

blueshoes · 05/08/2012 18:13

I am the middle of 3 children. I don't think it is birth order but the personality of the parents and the children.

daisydoodoo · 05/08/2012 18:13

I'm the eldest If three. A bit different for me though as my sister (middle child) has sn so when younger my brother and u felt that we had quite a tough time as everything would be about her, or so it felt.

I insisted I would only have two children but number three came along so had number 4 as well to even things out.

BornToFolk · 05/08/2012 18:17

I'm the middle of three. We're all close together in age too, my sister is 18 months older than me and my brother is 15 months younger.

Not sure about middle child syndrome really. We'd take it in turns to gang up and pick on the other one! No one really got left out for long. Being close in age we had friends in common and were interested in the same sort of things. However, my mum did have three teenagers at the same time and there was one year when we were all at uni at the same time...
We were our own little tribe growing up. I don't feel like we missed out on any parental attention but our parents were pretty much hands off on a day to day basis.
I'm so glad to be one of three now, my siblings are brilliant and we still look out for each other all the time.

StateofConfusion · 05/08/2012 18:18

It doesn't matter how many siblings we have, there's always rivalry, someone left out etc. Dp was 4th of 5, and always left out, I was an only and hated it. We have one boy one girl atm and the rivalry is insane and they still leave each other out despite being alone. Its just being a child. Dc3 is due in 20wks. I'm sure it will bring a whole other bundle of issues but at the end of the day despite there issues they adore each other.

You'll never regret a child you had, only the ones you didn't.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 05/08/2012 18:22

I am the middle of 3,
Mum shouldn't have had 3 children, but tbh, I am not sure she should have had any children. so 1,2 or 3 would have been too much for her.
I do remember 1 summer holiday when my sister was too old to do the washing up and my brother was too young and I was just the right age..
but she also remembers being the one that had to be the ground breaker, going out etc, my brother (youngest) got away with everything because by then the really had given up any idea of parenting.

sagesponsoredbymacdonalds · 05/08/2012 18:27

Dp and I are middle children. Neither of us suffered for it! We are both by far the most easygoing of our siblings. Fwiw, for both of us there was a big sister (leader, bossy, frustrated) and a little brother (spoilt, was allowed all sorts of priviliges we never had, found it hardest to leave home).

I would love to have 3, but we can't afford it and have no space! 3 is great :)

tunnocksteacake · 05/08/2012 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeandarBear · 05/08/2012 18:44

I am one of three and I have three and think three is a great plan . There are advantages and disadvantages with every combination so it is not worth over thinking things, just go with what you want.

However, three is 'more' than two (obviously!). Think, holidays, university, food etc etc. ( I know that is really obvious but it is true !)

Flowerface · 05/08/2012 18:56

It does seem that most people who were one of three wouldn't have three children themselves... Is that right?

OP posts:

OvO · 05/08/2012 19:04

I the youngest of three. My sisters have always said I was favoured more. But I have a disability which I think explains why I was treated a bit 'softer' iykwim. My middle sister claims to be the poor, long suffering, unloved middle child.

I have 2 boys and if I had more DC it would have to be two more to try to get away from the drama of middle child syndrome that my sister has created!

happybubblebrain · 05/08/2012 19:12

I was one of three, I was the oldest and the least favourite and it was pretty awful. I got left out of lots of thinks and felt like an outsider. I've had one child for this reason, I certainly wouldn't have considered having 3.

I think 2 children is more than enough as I really don't think it's more the merrier.

happybubblebrain · 05/08/2012 19:12

*things

Flowerface · 05/08/2012 19:22

Hmmm. I suppose asking about people with one sibling would bring an equally mixed response. My Mum is one of three and my aunt (ie her sister) still, at the age of 60, talks about the way her parents didn't really love her as they favoured my Mum (older, studious) and my uncle (the youngest, a boy). I thought I would be safer on the grounds that I have one of each, so no one would feel superfluous... But I guess that's only one of the possible ways for grievances to fester...

Maybe it's a more serious test of parenting skill... And maybe my skills aren't up to it? Hmm

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AnneOfCleavers · 05/08/2012 19:25

I am the oldest of 3. I get on well with my brother and sister. Better now than when we were younger as there is only 16 months between them and several years between me and them. They grew up really close and always wanted to play together as children. I was older and just didn't want to play with them. But that evened out when we grew older.

I never felt like my mum preferred one of us over the other - she spent her time with us as equally as she could and did everything she could to make us happy.

I have 1 child at the moment. I would quite happily have another two.

RillaBlythe · 05/08/2012 19:26

I'm one of 3 & I would have 3, so would my brothers (we've talked about it). I am the eldest with two younger brothers - we have all ended up quite close to each other. My middle brother does have a chip on his shoulder but he inherited that from my dad.

I have two girls & am thinking about a third. I don't worry about middle child syndrome, but I do worry about stretching our time, patience, finances, the long slog till all are of an age of reason...

FreelanceMama · 05/08/2012 19:38

I think with siblings it's quality not quantity. I'm the middle child. When my (4 yrs older) sister was too cool to play with me my (4 yrs younger) brother was happy to. My siblings are v good friends of mine - but I think that's luck, not to do with the number. If you can and want to have 3, do it. We're probably sticking with one but because of circumstances not because I wouldn't want more.

Catsu · 05/08/2012 19:52

I am one of three and think it's a great number, I've now got three myself. In fact all three of us siblings now have three dcs each :-D

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sheeplikessleep · 05/08/2012 20:26

Watching with interest.
I'm the middle sibling of three. I'm definitely not over-indulged ;)
We too are pondering the question. I see families with three DC and I get really envious, but then when my two DSs are screaming at each other or generally testing my patience, I do wonder if I have the patience or energy to cope with three. It's a difficult decision, one we really are having trouble deciding on!

sheeplikessleep · 05/08/2012 20:27

BTW, when we were growing up, there were times when 2 would gang up on the other 1. But it was sort of rotated as to who were the 2 and who was the one, if that makes sense? But then my mum was totally obsessed about being fair on everything to us all, maybe that helped, I dunno.

I wish we would make our mind up, one way or the other!

youarewinning · 05/08/2012 20:31

I am the oldest of 3. The one who should know better, have the most patience and grow up. Thing is it was that way even when my sister (the middle child) was being an out and out bitch to me. I was meant to accept it and rise above it as the maturer one.

op if you want another go for it - you children's lives will be the way you shape them. Treat them all equally and it will be fine.

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