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What to do when the out-laws are buying DD princess dresses?

(78 Posts)
MsBakingCakes Wed 01-Aug-12 22:15:18

DD is 3 on Friday and ExP's parents have bought her ANOTHER princess dress. (Marie Antoinette, Dress up by design, if you need to see it). ExP and the whole of his family seem obsessed with telling her she's a princess and dressing her in pink floaty stuff and shoes unsuitable for moving around in. I'm trying to bring her up as a person who can do things, not to expect people to fall at her feet and worship her because she's wearing pink, ffs! What would you do?

I know that it is good for DD to see two different ways of educating and DP and myself believe we are doing a good job explaining to her how things are but we are not sure how to handle this. It is good for children to dress up and roleplay -but always as a princess?

They always go shock when they see DD playing with the train set or building blocks on skype and there is always a comment about it such as do you play with this? Do you like to do that? angry

Any advice much appreciated. Thanks

RillaBlythe Wed 01-Aug-12 22:18:51

Ooh that's hard. I am going the route of allowing some princess crap in the house alongside lots of other options, but nobody is undermining me in that. Can DP have a word with them?

LucyLastik Wed 01-Aug-12 22:18:57

Just say "thank you" and move on.

RillaBlythe Wed 01-Aug-12 22:19:37

Oh sorry - its ExP family blush

IMcHunt Wed 01-Aug-12 22:20:40

Personally (and I speak as someone this would infuriate too - I get this from my ILs too) I think you should just let them get on with it, and balance it with your influence at home. It's not going to do her a massive heap of harm if that's not ALL she's being exposed to.
My ILs do this too, fwiw. Everything they buy dd is pink and sodding glittery. They also got her a little medical kit, and she was prancing round, saying 'I'm going to be a doctor'. FIL turned round and said 'no, you can't, you have to be the nurse'...

IMcHunt Wed 01-Aug-12 22:22:09

My dd would pretty much kill for that dress, by the way...

BigFatCushion Wed 01-Aug-12 22:23:44

I think it's just one of those things that you have a limited number of options. Kick up a fuss or just let it go.

I also have in-laws who do this. I just think it's not a massive deal. Buying her something but not her brother definitely is not OK angry but the actual pink piece of crap is just no biggie.

She'll grow soon enough to make up her own mind.

CharlotteBronzeySaurus Wed 01-Aug-12 22:24:27

i agree that the simplest thing is to let the princess stuff into the house, and ensure that there are other choices available. dd1 went through a very intense pink and princessy phase. we let her get on with it, and it appears to be coming to the end of its natural course.

habbibu Wed 01-Aug-12 22:25:13

Fill dressing up box with loads of stuff (from charity shops, etc) to balance it out.

FalseStartered Wed 01-Aug-12 22:25:32

let them buy her all the princessy crap it's expensive and has a very limited play lifespan wink

fwiw DD loves dressing in her princess dresses, but they are all covered in paint and mud now grin

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 01-Aug-12 22:29:02

envy I want a princess dress envy

seeker Wed 01-Aug-12 22:38:22

That's what grandparents are for- to buy the stuff you won't. It meansnyou don't have. to compromise your principles and she gets the stuff she wants, and you can talk about it when she's older. My late FIL bought my dd loads and loads of pink anti feminist stuff- she loved it and him and has the most wondful memories of it all. But she is a strong thoughtful feminist at 16- she was absorbing my ideas while playing Sleeping Beauty.

usualsuspect Wed 01-Aug-12 22:40:03

You say thank you.

MsBakingCakes Wed 01-Aug-12 22:41:36

The dresses are inside a big box with all the fluffy toys she gets when she goes to see them. The good things is that she does not see out-laws very often (ExP option).

We allow all princess stuff in the house, although sometimes I feel like censoring them grin. DD plays with them when she wants although she seems to prefer other games when she is with us.

Today we went to ELC to buy some presents for her birthday and she spent all the time playing with vegetable and cooking. We cook lots in the house, all of us. Although she pointed out a tiara she just showed it to us and carried onplaying with other toys.

It is just upsetting that they do this. When I was with ExP I could tell them what not to get her even though they didn't seem very happy about it. I guess now they are taking advantage that I cannot do that anymore.

FalseStartered: we may tell DD to go to the country park wearing her new dress this weekend grin. Although DD knows that wearing skirts or dresses are not very good when she goesto the country park smile

TuftyFinch Wed 01-Aug-12 22:48:13

I would think how lucky my DD was that she had nice dressing up clothes. She's 3. Three year olds like to dress up. My 5yr old DS has a Spiderman outfit but it doesn't mean he'll grow up thinking he's going to be Spiderman.


tethersphotofinish Wed 01-Aug-12 22:53:54

Agree with usual- say thank you. And curtsey.

usualsuspect Wed 01-Aug-12 22:57:23

Are you being sarky tethers? grin

Princesses can cook too.

sweetkitty Wed 01-Aug-12 23:00:40

My DD2 was in a princess dress today I was shocked, she wears boys clothes down to underwear, she does not own a doll, her bedroom is a 6 year old boys room complete with about 40 dinosaurs, cars, snakes and a dungeon thing with monsters. Today she fancied wearing a dress, who cares, we have loads of boys dressing up clothes.

I wouldn't worry about it.

TuftyFinch Wed 01-Aug-12 23:01:04

Of course princesses can't cook!
When I'm a princess I'm not going to cook for anyone. Not even my prince.

Wetthemogwai Wed 01-Aug-12 23:01:49

I'm in a very similar situation! I just make sure dd has a balance, I'm not taking away the pink, fluffy stuff I'm just adding some 'boyish' stuff too. Yesterday she wore a minnie mouse costume while racing her cars, I can't ask for more balance than that!

It really upsets me when I hear parents tell a child 'you can't have that, it's for boys' or 'you can't have that, it's pink'. Let a child play with what they want to play with fgs! Grown men cook and push prams so why can't little boys? And women drive and fly planes so why can't little girls?

Let them give her princess dresses, if she wants to wear them she will and if she doesn't she won't smile just make sure when she becomes a doctor she rubs her grandads nose in it!

usualsuspect Wed 01-Aug-12 23:03:17

Drs can wear pink too.

MsBakingCakes Wed 01-Aug-12 23:08:18

Thanks for all your responses. We will carry on doing what we are doing now and try to balance it as much as possible as well as give her options so she can choose.

Wetthemogwai: DD loves all kind of animals and she also has a massive collection of cars and trains to the point that we were considering getting her a garage for her birthday grin but it will have to wait until Christmas at the end smile

sweetkitty Wed 01-Aug-12 23:10:04

I remember my Mums cats bum face when I bought DD1 some of those little FP first toy cars, did she think they would make her gay or something. Wonder what she would make of DD2 who has told me she wants a winky and tells me off if I tell her she's my special girl (we don't see her anymore). We don't have it's or girls toys here just toys, one mute they are playing cars the next princesses.

Isitme1 Wed 01-Aug-12 23:11:10

We tell the youngest in the family (niece and first born for us, we're a very close knit family) that she's a princess and she has a princess room with the princess carriage bed and the princess tv.
She's very petit and loving and it fits her personality perfectly.

She also enjoys being a doctor. But would rather play mummy and daddy.
We let her play with what ever she wants and don't force her into anything.
In the extended family we have there are 2boys and her so ther are lots of boys toys.
My ds (2yrs old) walked round with a hand bag all day once. He plays with dolls and prams but also loves cars and animals.
We just let them play with what ever they want.
If that makes sense?

I guess the best ideas have been given to you by everyone else so not much help sorry! X

Isitme1 Wed 01-Aug-12 23:13:19

Whoops I forgot to say we tell the boys they are prince's.
We just want them to feel special I suppose.
They do a lot of colouring or running around after each other lol
But that's kids for you! X

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