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Opinions please - is it possible to become a parent without hardly breaking stride?(100 Posts)
Sorry for posting again but the thread title went wrong! So here it is again as I am desperate for opinions!
My best friend is pregnant at age 39 - hurrah! Her partner is in his early 40's.
She is adamant that the baby will have to fit around their lives, and that the new baby will not be the focus of their lives, just a great "add-on"! I think she feels like this partly because she feels I have been too focused on my child (who is now 7) and not enough on myself or on the rest of my life - as if I have sacrificed too much.
But is it really possible to have a child and not really break step, just to carry on as before but with 1 extra around? Obviously my bf and her partner are very used to a child free existence and have been for a long time...are they right in thinking it is possible to have a child and carry on much as before?
I think it's easier with a 2nd to do that. But with a first VERY hard.
With DS1 our whole lifes practically ground to a halt.
With DS2 he 'slotted in' around DS1 and our other commitments (and doesn't seem to be coming out any worse for wear for it LOL).
No she is in for a big shock!If she didn't want change having a baby is not wise!She will have much more empathy with you just wait!!You can keep some things the same but I have never looked at it as a sacrifice as that implies something negative.You will be feeling very smug once it is here
ROFLMAO even! In what way does she think you have been too focussed on your own child, btw?
Personally I dont think so - especially if you do not have a lot of help, to be honest although life does change and it can be quite a shock - I would not want my old life back (although some days I daydream about it)
My friend is fabulous - I love her and she is a fantastic godparent to dd - and all kids totally LOVE her. But she has a very full life and wants to do a million and one things with it, and why would/should a baby get in the way of it?!!! The baby will just be a great extra! That is how she sees it.
She is quite self centred but then I think most of us are more self centre before we have kids...
I was exactly like her, 4.5 years ago!
Now I am exactly like you! (or what she thinks of you)
Just smile and say, 'yes, of course you are right'.
Hmmmm....babies as an accessory?
No, because you can't tidy them up and put them away when you want to get on with "your" life
No, because you can't go and buy a new one whenever you get tired of that one
No, because they don't come with an owners manual
She'll learn the hard way like the rest of us
My friend is frustrated that I spend less time and energy on her since I had my daughter.
I have jumped into parenthood with both feet as I love it - I think I am quite possibly more obsessed with my child than most - but then again it is hard to tell. Another close friend of my bf is a newsreader who is still working in a high profile career and has a nanny - maybe this seems a better approach to parenthood than mine ( I work part time in a non-fancy job and our family doesn't have a lot of spare cash for the fancier stuff in life)
Wellll ... I guess if you decide not to breastfeed, go back to work within a month or two and employ a full-time nanny ... then in theory you could change your lives very little... but would you really want to do that?
Yes, is she planning to bf?
I mean I suppose int eh early days if you feel like it you can take a tiny baby around & do lots of the things you did before, as long as you don;t mind the frequent interruptions!
It's when they get mobile that your life can become much more restricted, isn;t it.
ooo Frayed - once DS2 became mobile (and DS1 for that matter) my life became so much easier!! (but then my family always was wierd ).
Bf does more things in her life than 10 normal people - so maybe parenthood really will be a doddle for her!
Very active social life, highly paid job (currently endured not enjoyed) lots of weekends away & holidays, expensive hobby...a life with everything packed in!
My DH and I are really pleased with how much we can still do with our baby, and we have been incredibly lucky to have a baby that sleeps and likes going out, but when we did a sort of audit we realised just how many things we had changed. Eg. we think it's so great that we still go walking, but we do very different walks, we still go camping but are much more limited in where & when, we sold the boat and got a smaller one, etc etc.
I'm torn between thinking she's not being very realistic, and thinking, well, it's probably a good attitude to go into it with, because then at least you will try to do things.... And I think there is a difference between parents who make a conscious effort to carry on with their interests, and those who just have a great time flinging themselves into child-centred things. I don't think either way is better though. Maybe she thinks you are the latter sort (and of course you may not be but it's almost impossible to judge when you're not a parent yourself) and intends to be the former sort herself.
Ha ha ha! Well, people who haven't had babies are often to be found banging on about how it won't change their lives. Yeah, right. Arch your eyebrow, say 'interesting' and wait for her to find out for herself.
I do not understand how you explain to a baby that it has to fit in with your life. Do let us know if your friend manages to find the secret key to the kingdom!
I had a child-free friend visiting this weekend and as we walked back to the station on Sunday afternoon she said "I'd heard before that having a baby was incredibly demanding and took over your life completely but until this weekend I didn't really realise what that meant". And that was solely based on observing me, she was left with the baby for a cumulative total of 5 minutes in the entire weekend, and then he was sitting on the floor so she didn't have to worry about him falling off something!
She also manages to be a charity director and an excellent and very involved godparent to 2 and aunty to 1 although she never volunteers to babysit because she always has so much of her own stuff going on!!
Is there no chance that it will be as she thinks? She wouldn't have a nanny but her partner works from home which will be nice and quite supportive (although I think he will find it harder to adapt than she will as he has not much natural interest or affinity with other peoples' kids. She is planning a year off work at least with the baby, maybe more.
Kathy I suspect you may be onto something with your comments
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