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Age old question - do my kids hate me?

(8 Posts)
Millenimum Mon 24-Oct-11 08:28:02

I have read a couple of threads on here and its already made me feel a little better.

I am worried that my kids don't like me. They never want to sit on my knee, they always want DH (who is the soft touch) to put them to bed. They do play up a fair bit with me then go crying to DH. DS (5) is especially bad at this.

Yesterday I got them both up (DH's turn for lie in). Gave them breakfast, did colouring in with them. Nice mummy stuff. Then we went out for lunch with DH too. All fine. In the afternoon DS had a friend to play (DD had a nap) and they trashed the lounge. Friend went home. DS will not tidy up. He will not eat his picnic tea when I ask him. He will not get changed on his own when I ask. He cries to his Dad. I try to get him to help tidy up and end up losing it and say he cannot have crisps ever unless he bucks up his ideas (a silly threat I know but I was hacked off).

DS runs to his Dad and cries. DH says he must help tidy the lounge. DH comes in to a tidy lounge and the kids jump all over him and insist that he puts them to bed.

I have several sloe gins and have to watch antiques roadshow to calm down.

I feel a lot better just writing this down as I was fretting about this last night. I do sometimes feel a bit low and I can have a low tolerance to DS. He really knows how to wind me up. e.g. crying because some one blew up his balloon hmm. Also their childminder is just lovely. It took DS 6 months to say he loves her and 5 years to say it to me envy.

I am off to work in a bit and might be able to check on this thread from there. DH is looking after the kids all day so we'll see how he fares.

Millenimum Mon 24-Oct-11 09:49:23


BlackCatinaWitchesHatonaBroom Mon 24-Oct-11 10:17:22

I used to worry about this when DS was a lot younger (he is now 8). He always seemed to prefer DH to me and still spends lots of time with DH. I think it's a father/son bond thing.
Now he does say "I love you mum" quite often and wants a cuddle.

I am sure they do love you. sometimes DC spend more time with one parent than the other. Hopefully it will switch around and you will wonder what you worried about. smile

Teetik Mon 24-Oct-11 10:21:08

I sometimes think in a child's eyes, the mum is the one they feel SO secure with that they don't need to show any affection. Everyone else needs to be "courted" a bit.

It is a bit sad though, I am always on the lookout for little crumbs of love and DH gets all the plaudits! It did get me down when they were younger and I was sadder. I think if you go away for a while and get people to report back to you, you find you get talked about with love, you get missed, more than you get in person.

Millenimum Mon 24-Oct-11 10:30:06

Thank you for the replies. It feels better to know other people experience this too. I think yesterday was particularly bad especially when they did exactly what DH says and DS said 'Daddy is the boss of this house' grr.

We'll see if they still love DH sooo much after they have spent a whole day with him today and tomorrow and will have probably got told off by him for various things for a change.

There is some father/son stuff going on I think BlackCat. And Teetik I think you are right about the Mum security meaning they don't have to be affectionate to me so much.

DD (who is 2) will not give out kisses to anyone unless we're lucky. She knows she has the power.

boglach Mon 24-Oct-11 12:00:02

I am so glad I found this thread, thank you. I have always worried that ds (5) does not like me very much and he always prefers his daddy's company. He too pushes my buttons but I do love him so, so much. I had PND when he was born and although I bonded with him I was incredibly anxious and sad at times. This adds to my worry.

I am always there and he has just started school. After school he can be positively fowl to me. But I think he is so secure in my love, he takes out his tiredness and frustrations on me (that is what I tell myself anyway)

I am not always the most patient. I am not good in the mornings and I can be snappy sad. However I would go to the ends of the earth to keep him safe and I do love him unconditionally. I think he knows that, deep down.

Familydilemma Mon 24-Oct-11 17:50:57

I think the one who's there all the time can get a raw deal. I'm similar though-I'd rather dh was around but he doesn't get such an enthusiastic welcome as a friend I haven't seem for a while. Familiarity breeds calm contentment?

KatieScarlett2833 Mon 24-Oct-11 17:52:47

Mine were the same when they were wee. Until they hurt themselves, then it was "Muuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeee"

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