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please help

(4 Posts)
fen77 Thu 20-Oct-11 11:13:47

i have a friend whom i have been friends with for over 20 years, she has no desire to be a mum but has always been supportive of me recently becoming a mum, my son is 7 months old. there are 2 other mums in our circle of friends one has a one year old and the other an 8 month old and another friend who doesnt have a baby. we are due to meet for lunch this sunday but my friend is refusing to come to " this baby convention" as she calls it,as in her words " she refuses to sit in a pub or restaurant, listening to 3 screaming babies, its not fair on her, my other friend or anyone else in there for that matter"! so you see my problem, i am pretty furious about it and i need some help in putting her straight, what can i say to her!!! sorry for the essay! x

Rogers1 Thu 20-Oct-11 11:45:20

Hi fen77...I have a friend similar to yours.
In my experience when my friend told me 'you honestly expect me to sit & deal with such noise & listen to you all talk nonsense'.. (when myself & 2 other friends (also with babies) all met up)...I was fuming but calmly said...'well the choice is yours... if you turn do..if not then I will see you another time'. She quickly back-tracked & turned up being most polite. I am not one for confrontation so said it calmly.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 20-Oct-11 13:07:46

Why are you furious? Truth is that, if you're not the owner of a baby yourself, a meeting of mums and babies can be the most dull thing on the planet. If the mums aren't talking about the children, the children are demanding to be fed or changed and the conversation can get interrupted. It's like going for a drink with a group of motorbike enthusiasts when you don't have any interest in motorbikes, or a high school reunion when you didn't go to that school .... however hard everyone tries to include you, you're going to feel a bit left out.

Most people have friendship groups... work friends, friends from the school gate, uni friends. Keep them separate and everybody's happy.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls Thu 20-Oct-11 13:12:10

I wouldn't be furious about it, just give her the option - "We're going to x on y at z time, would be nice to see you but if you don't feel like it then fine I'll see you at some other point".
She probably fears that you will all have baby brain and be unable to talk about anything other than your lo's. Or that she will be unable and unwilling to join in the conversation.
The babies won't necessarily scream, my dd was taken out to lunch from days old and never disturbed anyone else.
Have you spoken to your other non baby friend about it to get her take on the situation?

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