Why, why, whyyyyyyy are you doing this to uuuuuuuus?

[OvOntToSuckYourBlood]

was wailed at me numerous times tonight. Along with:

"I haaaaate you."

"I love you, I love you soooooo much."

"Pleeeeeeeeease, Mummy, pleeeeeeeease."

and my favourite,

"Are we going to the Bad Boy Home?"

My evil children have absolutely destroyed their room. I couldn't even see the floor or get in the room. And then I saw the paint. On the walls, on the furniture and on the lovely prints I had framed for them.

So I beat them.

Well, no, but I did bag up every single toy that was on the floor while they wailed the above at me.

So what the Jeff do I do now? I've 8 bin bags of stuff to deal with.

Do I let them earn some of it back? I'm going to give some away as they have far far too much so no wonder they treat it as if it were disposable.

They are 4 and 7 in a few weeks so not tiny but still learning.

What do I do now Oh Clever Mumsnet?

[Egg]

I bagged up about the same amount one bad day during the summer holidays. I kept it all in my room for a few days until I got fed up with it. Then I binned a few things, put some stuff aside for younger friends or for charity and gradually put the toys back. The bad behaviour did improve briefly but not for long...

The one good thing that came from it was the only toys I left out for a few days were the pens and paper, and it did get them all keen on drawing and colouring and often still now the first thing they want to do in the morning is drawing, which is better than screaming!

[foreverondiet]

I don't know, can you give a bit more background (ie parenting style, family set up, discipline, routine, how often and why you buy stuff for them etc etc).

My kids are 5 and almost 8 (so similar ages) and would not ever contemplate doing similar as they'd be worried about the consequences. Of course they leave toys on the floor, but generally its because they didn't bother put the game they were playing with away.

[OvOntToSuckYourBlood]

Egg, I fear similar will happen here!

Foreveronadiet, I have No idea what my parenting style is! Discipline is usually removal of treats/ going to the park for my youngest and similar + grounding for my oldest. But I know I'm being to soft and need to deal with the small things and then hopefully there won't be so many of the big things iykwim.

[OvOntToSuckYourBlood]

Oh and to be fair to GrotBag Senior he had nothing to do with the paint, that was all GrotBag Junior.

[foreverondiet]

The reason I asked is because treating their things in that way indicated to me that they don't value their belongings. If you don't already I suggest not buying them anything ever again unless they earn it via good behaviour. Explain new policy also to grandparents. eg we went to legoland today and that was a treay for star chart completion.

My DS1 has a tendency towards bad behaviour so we are v strict with him, and have followed through on removal of privileges (ie no TV for a day (for minor) or week (for major), removal of leapster, no treats (including pudding, ice cream chocolate cakes crisps, sweets, biscuits) for a week.

[OvOntToSuckYourBlood]

You're right.

And we do have a bad habit of buying them something at most supermarket visits, never mind actual days out. It's crazy. We'll have to stop that NOW.

Unfortunately they both have birthdays very soon so there will be new toys then.

I've not tried reward charts as I was living in cloud cuckoo land and hoped they'd be good because it's nice to be nice! [delusional] I'll get them to help make charts tomorrow and let them decide what they'd like to work towards treatwise.

[foreverondiet]

First targets for star charts must be getting their own existing toys back. Prioritise the ones the want more for the first chart.

re: supermarket and days out, no I just don't do that, if they are lucky I'll buy a bag of treat size smarties or new t-shirt or book. Presents are for birthdays, christmas and star chart completion. Even yesterday at legoland (treat for reading) neither of them got bought anything (apart from DD was was sick on the way there, and my MIL bought her new t-shirt!). They both know that (other than clothes and books) I don't buy things "for no reason". Its not that I can't afford, more that I want to teach them that their possessions have a value.

re: birthdays, keep some of the presents back for when they have completed star charts. Let them open them all, and choose the 3 they want now and the rest go away for star chart completion.

[AKMD]

I have this book, sent by my SIL in the US. (DS is only 20mo so I don't think she's trying to tell me anything!). It's pretty good, if a bit, um, American, and has some excellent strategies for getting children to take care of their own things.

[OvOntToSuckYourBlood]

Forever, thank you for all your great advice. I'm going to put it all into action!

AKMD, thanks for the link, that book looks like just what I need.

I knew MNetters were the ones to help!