Can we have our daughter back please?

[TheOriginalFAB]

She used to be a darling. Always helped to tidy up without a fuss, helped, was nice to her brothers, polite.

Now she answers us back and argues 99% of the time she opens her mouth. She wants paying if we ask her to help, she fights with her brothers and she has just snapped at DH which has brought tears to my eyes.

She is 8.

[LoopyLoopsPussInBoots]

I'm sure you won't, but please don't say that to her.

My mum did, and I was convinced I was the wrong child, swapped and therefore missing out on a better life elsewhere. Really fucked me up to be honest.

She'll grow out of it I'm sure. :)

[TheOriginalFAB]

Of course I wouldn't say that to her!

My mother abandoned me so no way would I want my children to feel insecure.

I am sorry you feel your mother fucked you up.

[Snowboarder]

Fab, unless you know she's upset about something (a new sibling or having problems at school) I'm sure it's just a phase. Your daughter is probably just pushing the boundaries a bit and will grow out of it. On the positive side it is good that she feels comfortable enough at home to try out these behaviours with you. Have you found that she's fine still with other family members and friends?

It's rough but I suppose it's how they learn which behaviours are appropriate and which aren't. It sounds like you are doing a good job if most of the time she is a darling. Hang in there!

[vixsatis]

Loopy Mine said that too and I remember being hysterical with terror that she really didn't recognise me. This is the mother who now considers herself an expert on all aspects of childcare

[Svrider]

Has she just gone up to junior school? May be the transition is hitting her hard and she taking out one her family??
Perhaps firm bounderies but also extra time with just you and her?? Even something like potting up plants and being told what a good job she's doing/ and how you enjoy spending time with her?

[Shannaratiger]

Mine is exactly the same, year 3 just gone into the juniors so suddenly mixing with older children. I'm not expecting miracles just a slight reduction in the attitude towards me.

[seanbonbon]

Errr.. are you me?? My eldest is 8 since July and I've been experiencing this too. Gone is the helpful, considerate child and everything is a fight.

I've been trying to explain to her that it's not even what she's saying as much as the TONE. (Although what she's saying isn't great either [hgrin] ).

All she wants is her friends and anything that hinders that results in a meltdown. The only consolation I have is that all her peers (girls) seem to be the same at home so it's not just us.

[TheOriginalFAB]

There is a lot going on but we try and hide things from the kids as much as possible but we can't hide that the cat is dying and her brother has been bullied. She is a cheeky madam with us but an angel at school. Her brother's bully targetted her yesterday so she doesn't need any more grief. I will try and spend more time with her, me and her, as she is a daddy's girl - which is fine - but maybe she needs me more that I have realised. She was born all knowing and self contained.

[seanbonbon]

Mine is good in school too, reports and parent teacher meetings have mentioned "model child" etc and we're like .

I really didn't think we'd have this for a few more years, teens a least!

The bully issue is terrible, probably has knocked her- perhaps she's feeling angry? And children will take out their anger on who they're most comfortable with.
I had a serious illness two years ago and my DD was furious with me (once I'd recovered). Took her a while but she did come back to normal for a year or so.

Hope you get the bully sorted- it's so unfair that some little shit can disrupt your lives like that.

[TheOriginalFAB]

She was rude before but I will bear it in mind.

She has been hassled today about why her brother left .

[lesley33]

Sounds very diffuclt for you! I do think as you say, that although at 8 they can seem all knowing, they still actually need their parents a lot. Agree that although what she does is crap,the fact that she is like this does show she feels secure with you and loved. Maybe small comfort at times though!

[TheOriginalFAB]

Thanks and actually it is a comfort as I was never able to open my mouth without wondering if I would get a clout.

She has just been a bit rude but didn't seem to realise it is rude. I explained it was.