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Feeling a bit gloomy-three dc and finding it heavy weather

(8 Posts)
Sleepglorioussleep Thu 13-Oct-11 18:35:15

Should all be fine, dd is14 weeks and sleeps well, dd1 is six and ds2.11 started at Pre school three sessions a week. So I should be swimming along nicely. But I lack motivation for stuff, struggle when all three are awake and with me. Feel a bit rubbish for wanting ds to be at Pre school - feel I should want to be with him. House a mess, can't climb that mountain. Just want to eat chocolate and watch telly. Then feel very bad. Newborn time went well-think I feel a bit flat now that's all done and life will be very full on. Think I'm a good mum to babies rubbish with the rest. Ds bit someone at preschool and dd's friendships going belly up. And I always feel it's my fault. And yet on the school run I look as if everything's Rosie. Waffle - sorry

Mezby Thu 13-Oct-11 19:43:20

I'm no expert but do you think you could have PND or PNI, can't remember the correct term. The reason I say this is because you sound very much like me this time a year ago quite a while after I'd had DC3. You're really down on yourself and you seem to have (forgive me for saying this) an overly negative way of looking at things. Obviously I don't know the full
Story but your DD is 6, girls of that age regularly fall out with each other IME, she will settle down, plus it's not that long since the start of the school year, a lot of children this age are still a bit unsettled at this point, including DS who is 5.
As for being glad that your DS is going to pre school well of course you are, you've got three young kids and a very young baby, you'll
Be dead on your feet and it's only natural to want a break. He bit someone, is that out of character? He is undergoing two major changes in his life; a new sibling and starting pre school. He will settle down and if he doesn't then I'm
sure you'll address it. DS did something similar after we had DD2, and we'd just moved house. Completely out of character for him but we talked to him and he soon settled down and adapted to his new situation.
As for the housework, you're only 14 weeks post partum and you've got other kids, school runs, homework and everything else to
Contend with. Please cut yourself some slack, the time for housework is not now, unless you REALLY want to do it of course! You may well be just going through a rough patch but you really should talk to someone, DP, close friend or relative just to get a different perspective and see what they think. After talking to my HV I went to my GP and was given help and I'm
So thankful I got it. Again, not saying you have this but if you think you do please don't let it go on, it will get better with help.

Sleepglorioussleep Thu 13-Oct-11 19:50:58

Thanks mezby-I suspect I have some mild Pnd/I -have made gp appointment. Bit scared of the idea and really want to get myself more positive without too much help. I am def getting things out of proportion and being very hard on myself. I remember similar after ds although sleep an issue then. Suppose I feel I should be doing better with dc out of the house and a baby that sleeps. You know, line everything that goes wrong is my fault. Tomorrow I have a day with just dd and I'm going to try to do little bits to get on top of house. That's the thing that tips me over, but it's hardly a stretch to see what I've been doing with the time that kept me on top of house-bf swallows up that time. I think it's all sortable, just feel close to tears a lot at the moment. But excessive mumsnet not helpful either!

lljkk Thu 13-Oct-11 19:56:05

Sounds like you're tired & bored!
You have a baby under 1, a preschooler, and a 6yo, and all the constant demands they make, and you wonder why you're feeling demotivated & wiped out?
I think you're being way too hard on yourself.
It might help to set yourself one or 2 little important but not urgent tasks to complete each week, not just daily stuff but projects you know you'll not get to otherwise and can work on in tiny bursts.
I don't know about PND, but it may be you just need a little structure to feel more productive with your time. Little projects, getting out to regular toddler groups, scheduled "me time", etc.

Sleepglorioussleep Thu 13-Oct-11 20:04:54

I think some five minute me time things might help. I can't get big chunks of time predictably. I think the bored thing is fair. Was only dpi g one day of work a week before but I do think my brain is mushing up nicely. Come to think of it, felt like that with the other two-the excitement and adrenaline dies down and then i'm a bit empty headed. So perhaps my head is filling up with self flagellating stuff. I'm not brilliant at self motivated working and this sahm lark is very much that. Think I need to hit the toddler I was until ds went to Pre school. Feel a bit silly going with a tiny one, but actually better than hanging around the house pretending i'm going to sort stuff out. Okay. So may have a touch of blues, but think things aren't that bad either. And being a bit self obsessed too...

ragged Thu 13-Oct-11 20:22:13

All the other mummies will be happy to cluck around you to coo smile.
Yes, good to get out of your own head.

ragged Thu 13-Oct-11 20:24:26

Sometimes it helps me to make a list of things that must get done today & everything else allowed to wait; if I get the must-do-today things done then I am doing okay, really, and anything beyond the must-do-today list is a bonus.

Sleepglorioussleep Thu 13-Oct-11 22:20:11

Dh suggested a trip into town to have a coffee in m and s tomorrow-love the older folk having a good coo wink. Feel better now he's home. And going to do what I did with dd1-have a plan for each day to get me out of the house. More productive at keeping things going in the house with less time! Will see gp but I think bored and tired feels a good description - never bored on the school run and never gloomy then! Thanks all. Mumsnet never lets you feel alone for long. And thank you for giving me permission to feel overwhelmed. As if I would say to a friend that fourteen weeks was time to snap out of it and get on with it!

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