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Is there any way I can help a very troubled little girl while protecting my own daughter?

(14 Posts)
chuffingalong Wed 12-Oct-11 20:05:21

This is such a horrible situation. My auntie who was only 40 died 2 days ago. She'd been suffering from many health problems but it wasn't expected at all. She was a single mum to a little girl of 11. This little girl has been in trouble with the police, has taken canabis and is quite mentally damaged due to her being sexually and emotionally abused by my aunts ex partner behind my aunts back. Her partner would up her medication so that she went to bed early and didn't know.
I've had this little girl to stay with us many times and although it's quite hard work. I have to keep a close eye on her, but she's always been o.k. Last time she stayed, she and my 6 year old daughter seemed to get on really well. I thought the only problem was my daughter annoying her too much. Recently though my daughter said to me "can you kiss me with your mouth open?" I said "that's a funny way to kiss, who kisses like that?" and she said the name of my cousen. I was really shocked, as my dd has mild learning difficulties, doesn't watch adult T.V and is home educated. After that, it's come out that she's had several other incidents where she's acted inapropriatly with very young children.
I don't think I'm over reacting in not wnting them to ever be left alone together.
My mum has recently told me that she's now her legal gardien and she'll be comming to live with her. In the same town as us. I know my mum will find it increadably hard looking after her and working. I feel I should help out, but I have to protect my daughter. She has to come first.
It's just such an awful situation and I feel so desperatly sorry for my little cousen. She's been through so much in her life. I'd love to help her but part of me wonderes if she'll ever get back on the right path. I know taking her away from her old friends will help and our schools are better etc.
What would you do?

chuffingalong Wed 12-Oct-11 20:11:40

Social services are involved with her where she lives now and they'll be contacting SS where we live so that my mum can acess help as soon as she gets here. She also has a psychiatrist where she lives so hopefully she'll be seing one here too.

chuffingalong Wed 12-Oct-11 20:33:37


sloggies Wed 12-Oct-11 20:48:58

What a sad situation. Poor girl. Sounds like if SS are involved, and she does have a psychiatrist that she is getting all the help on offer, but family contact is worth such a lot IMO. Its lovely that you care, and if you can keep an eye when she is with your daughter? Maybe raise this issue with her social worker? If you find this is not possible, even just being able to take her to a park or something occasionaly with your dd would keep the family contact going.

chuffingalong Wed 12-Oct-11 20:54:56

Yes, I'd really like to keep the contact going as I do love her and I can see the sweet little girl she used to be, still in her. sad She's going through a goth phase. She got in trouble at school recently for dying her hair purple.
WE can take her out places, but I'll have to make sure she and my dd are never left alone.

sloggies Wed 12-Oct-11 21:00:06

Yes, I see this. It would be so good for her if you could manage some contact without putting dd in harm's way. It would be a truly good thing to have done in your life.

chuffingalong Wed 12-Oct-11 21:06:49

Thank you, I think so too. I've always wished I lived closer to them so I could help her more.

Natzer Wed 12-Oct-11 21:23:08

chuffingalong do you have a DP or someone you trust to spend a little time with your DD whilst you spend some time with your cousin. Maybe you could play a mentor role to her and spend some quality 1 to 1 time with her and try and coax that sweet little girl back out.

glasscompletelybroken Thu 13-Oct-11 10:46:19

Kids who have been sexually abused very often exhibit this kind of sexual behaviour. It's understandable but likely to be a regular behaviour so you do need to protect your dd from it. I would avoid leaving them to play unsupervised tbh - this girl does need help and support and I'm not suggesting you don't spend time with her - just be more visible when it happens.

chuffingalong Thu 13-Oct-11 12:31:32

Thanks everyone. I'm sure it'll be fine as long as I plan things carefully so there isn't ever a time when they're on their own. I'll have to make sure there are no closed doors within the house and ban them from the upstairs play room. (I'll think of some reason) I do think we can do a lot of good for my cousen. I'll just need to keep in mind what she can be like and not get complacent.
When she was down last, I thought it was fantastic having an 11 year old girl who wanted to play with my dd. It gave me a huge break. They got on so well, my dd cried when she left. You don't think a girl would do anything to a younger girl. Or maybe I'm just a bit green. I'm certainly aware now though.

CristinadellaPizza Thu 13-Oct-11 12:34:06

Have you told social services that she has behaved inappropriately with your DD? If you haven't, you must. To protect your cousin but also other children, not just your DD

chuffingalong Thu 13-Oct-11 12:37:37

No I haven't but I will do. Once she gets here, she'll have a new social worker, so I'll let him or her know. I don't really want my cousen to know that I know, as I feel it might break down our relationship. I'm not sure, I might ask the social worker what they recommend.

CristinadellaPizza Thu 13-Oct-11 12:39:02

I don't have enough experience in this area to advise but sure the SW will be able to help. You sound really lovely btw smile

chuffingalong Thu 13-Oct-11 18:49:48

Thank you. smile

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