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how do I stop my 8 yr old being insecure about new baby?!(2 Posts)
Advice needed please.. my 8 year old daughter broke down in tears tonight saying she was worried I would love my expected child (a boy) more than her!! (Background... seperated from 8 yr olds Dad..amicable she sees him weekly.. 2nd child with him was very poorly from birth needed 24hr care so obviously eldest child was pushed out a little unintentionally...2nd child died 3 yrs ago not longer after the marriage ended.. this baby with new partner who has since broken off our relationship & does'nt want any involvement with the baby)
I told 8 year old it actually upset me when she said that because she has been the centre of my world for the past 3 years & she is my every waking thought. We have an incrediably intense relationship & she even sleeps in my bed most nights...( is that bad??) but we hugged & I said I will love them both the same but the baby will be more reliant on me than she is because she can do lots of things for herself that he won't be able to & thats where I will need her help & we will be team baby!!! I said life will be different & yes there maybe times when her requests might have to wait a minute or 2 if Im feeding or bathing him but my love for her will be just as strong as ever.
It has thrown me for six tonight maily because of long standing guilt over the time I had to spend with dd2 in hopsital etc & the times I have been a crying sad wreck since she died & dd1 had to see it. Now I feel guilty everytime I buy something for expected baby but I try to get a little something for her at same time. I am trying to do lots with her in the last few months that might be tricky with a baby ie; Cinema, days out etc.. (tight budget allowing) but is there anything more I could say or do...breaks my heart to think she is upset.. x
I think you've done everything you reasonably can and the idea of a 'team baby' sounds exactly right. Don't feel like you have to compensate too much. What's bothering her is the anticipation at the moment. Her experience of babies, after the tragedy of your 2nd child, is understandably skewed but you can't feel guilty about it. How else were you supposed to react? When her little brother arrives and she sees he doesn't take you away 24/7 I expect all her fears will be put to rest and she'll be fine about it.
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