I apologise for the length of this post in advance.
DD is 2.4 years old. We started using the unconditional parenting approach about 5 months ago after reading Mr. Kohn's book. I was able to see results fairly quickly, if I'm honest. We changed the way we approached DD and her behaviour improved a lot. Even though she had never had "tantrums" per se, she had a period of bolting whenever we went out, for example, and throwing stuff at home, and UP helped a lot to improve that; she stopped running away from us when out and about, and responded really well to us talking to her and explaining her why "this was not OK" etc etc.
Then DS was born 6 weeks ago and it all went upside down It's evidently hard for her to get used to having a little brother, and the fact that he gets attention, but she's changed SO much. She started hitting or slapping him whenever we weren't looking, so we've had to be hawks whenever she is near him. We explained and explained but she does it anyway if no one is around. She also slaps us (on our legs, as we're standing next to her), and again, no amount of talk will disuade her atm. She screams when frustrated and talks as if "telling us off" (she speaks Spanish and English so it's all a bit mixed and not too clear at the moment). I try and spend time with her daily doing stuff, painting, doing some artwork, playing house, etc, so that she doesn't feel left aside or less important...
She's also turned really fussy with her food, she won't try anything new and even things she used to eat are now "yucky". It worries me so much. I can't believe she can eat so little and be OK. Again, we've explained things but nothing... DH finds it much harder not to throw lots of "ifs" in the air. He's doing it quite frequently these days in an attempt to make her eat or do something or prevent her from doing something.
The worst thing is she'll do ANYTHING you tell her not to do, from throwing things, to standing 1 inch in front of the TV, to not pouring a whole glass of water on the floor, having a bath, having her nappy changed... The list is endless these days, and I'm finding it quite hard to stop her from doing some of those things when breastfeeding DS or holding him for whatever reason. She literally looks at me and does something as she knows I can't do anything to stop her This morning she slapped DS on his head; I didn't see it coming (I was holding him) and I felt so bad I couldn't help but cry. DH took her to one side and started talking to her and explaining her why that was not OK but she just giggled and refused to even look at him.
Has anyone gone through similar situations and managed to handle them using UP? Any advice or suggestions will be HUGELY appreciated.
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Unconditional parenting advice
32 replies
Gauchita · 11/10/2011 16:06
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