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Anyone else feel like this?

(4 Posts)
willowsmyname Mon 10-Oct-11 13:52:14

Hi there

I think I need a bit of reassurance that other people feel like this as parents too! I have a 16 mo son. My problem is that since day 1 I've felt totally inadequate as a parent and that I'm not really cut out for it. He's quite a sensitive soul and also needs alot of attention. He's quiet and shy in company and seems quiet introvert but is v chatty when it's just me and his dad. I feel like it's my fault he's like this as I haven't given him the confidence he needs to socialise. I seem to have a habit of blaming myself for everything to do with him. ie. if he's having a bad day and is fussy I feel like it's something I've done and it's my fault. He's going through a fussy eating phase and has never been a good eater and again I blame myself for not giving him the right foods etc. I just can't seem to shake off this feeling that I'm not good enough as a parent. I had a difficult relationship with my mother growing up as she was emotionally unsupportive to say the least and am tying myself up in knots that I'm going to be the same sort of mother and that my children will grow up feeling inadequate themselves. Is this just me or do other parents suffer the same daily battle with their confidence.

abcdangel Mon 10-Oct-11 14:11:40

Hi Willow

I suffer the same doubts as you about my parenting. DD1 is 12 and sounds quite like your DS. She has difficulty maintaining close friendships and often gets left out. She is bright but extremely disorganised and misses deadlines or ends up rushing things and not doing it properly.

I spend a lot of time in tears wondering what I could have done differently. DD2 is completely different, sure of herself (but not cocky), popular and happy, so I don't know if it's something I did or not.

DD1 is sensitive and quite immature, but she would never be nasty to anyone, which I am proud of. That said, deep down I suspect she needs to toughen up a bit and realised it's a bad old world out there. But most days her life seems hard enough as it is just coping with the everyday crap, and I just want to wrap her in cotton wool most of the time.

I try to stay up beat and just accept her for what she is, and encourage her to be confident and believe in herselt but it's hard when I am constantly questioning myself.

ManicPanic Mon 10-Oct-11 14:43:41

Welcome to Parental Guilt!

He sounds totally normal for his age. My dd was very, very shy (in fact frightened of other children) until about the age of two and a half. It's very normal to exmine every move you make and often find it less than perfect. You'll see mothers everywhere do this (and fathers too).

My dd is five and a half now and I just about feel like I'm getting the hang of it! I have my faults as a person and a parent but I love dd very much and I give it my best, every day. If I make a mistake, that's ok. If I get it right - yay for me!

Rogers1 Mon 10-Oct-11 20:12:53

Hi Willow...
I have had similar parental guilt...but mine was being poorly after having my DS now 15months. Although it was out of my control...I was very ill & wished(still do) that it hadn't of over-shadowed my DS first year. I became very over protective & felt I had to 'prove I was the perfect mum'. The guilt is still with me as I was snappy etc.
Let's hope the advice you receive will help.
Don't beat yourself up though..I'm sure you have done (& are doing) a wonderful job.

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