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4yo won't use toilets in school

(2 Posts)
WomanlyWoman Mon 10-Oct-11 12:26:55

My daughter began school this year and has yet to use the toilets. At the end of the day she comes out desperate for the loo and I take her back in to use them before we go home, she's fine if I'm around but she won't go during the day off her own bat. She was the same at nursery, she did go on rare occasions, but most of the time, she waited until lunchtime when she got home. I'm worried she might cause herself problems.

I do get frustrated with her and I've probably put pressure on her by my attitude, but I'm not sure what I can do. I've told her that she won't be be able to go to any of the after school clubs until she's going to the toilet normally. There's a film club she'd like to go to, but obviously I'm not going to let her go until this is sorted out, because she would sit there with her legs crossed as she is doing all day in school.

I've talked about it with her, about how it could make her poorly, (she's had cystitis before). She comes out with various excuses reasons; she doesn't like the toilets, people can see her through the crack in the door, the toilets are always either blocked or the chain doesn't flush. Each morning I ask her if she will please visit the toilet this lunchtime and she says something like; 'okay but I might forget', and I know she isn't going to go. She can get very upset about it if I press her too much on the subject.

I have mentioned it to the teacher who said they'd try and enciourage her, this resulted in one of them bringing her out to me at the end of the day saying she had got very upset when they'd asked her to go to the toilet. I don't think they take any notice now.

Outside of school she is generally a bit funny about using the toilet. I usually have to persuade her to go, she very rarely goes of her own accord unless she is absolutely busting. Even first thing in the morning she doesn't like to go on her own, she wants me to be there in the room with her. I usually tell her to go the loo before we go out, she'll say no, I'll say well we're not going until you do and that's how it goes. With public toilets she will sometimes use them, but quite often refuses to because she says she doesn't like them, the look of them. She has certain requirements, that they look nice, have a lid, don't have that gap in the middle and so on.

Any suggestions?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 10-Oct-11 13:37:03

Ask the teacher or the classroom assistant to persevere at school. And try not to be too sympathetic to her concerns about other toilets. OK... don't force the issue in particularly hideous or filthy examples - no-one likes those smile But, if there's nothing really wrong give it a cheery but no-room-for-argument 'that's an interesting opinion, but this is the only toilet so you'll just have to use it'.

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