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How do you ensure you bring your DCs up fairly and the same?

(9 Posts)
champagnesupernova Sat 08-Oct-11 12:21:16

I have two DCS
For DC1 I breastfed until past 1 year (can't actually remember at what point I stopped)
DC2 is approaching that now and I am trying to remember how i stopped (!) and it got me thinking (channels Carrie Bradshaw grin)

I also went back to work at 9 months with DC1 and the same for DC2

However, there have been lots of things where I am a lot more relaxed with DC2 (boiling drinking water for example, I didn't do that this time round)

And similarly things where I can understnad that DC2 is just fussing so we have ignored cries which I wouldn't have done at all with DC1.

I know these are small things but I'm sure there are other examples I can't think of which will affect the way they are.
Any thoughts on this?

champagnesupernova Sat 08-Oct-11 15:51:20


CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 08-Oct-11 16:31:44

I wouldn't get too caught up with details. Focus on applying the same basic values, rules and standards but, otherwise, treat your DCs as individuals and relax that you are at a slightly different place in your life for #2 than you were for #1. The phrase 'PFB' (Precious First Born) is right, and if you try to replicate that intensity, naivety and everything else 100% faithfully for #2 you'd probably go nuts.

Also, beware of extending it beyond the baby stage. My DB and I are very different people but my DM was determined we should be brought up identically and that there should be no favouritism. It caused all kinds of problems that she almost certainly didn't anticipate with such a well-meant objective.

lemonbalm Sat 08-Oct-11 16:39:17

It's bloody hard but worth every effort.

Wait till you get to secondary school choices. grin

An0therName Sat 08-Oct-11 20:50:41

I think with the baby stage you are inevatibly going to do somethings differently with 2nd baby - it would be a shame if you havn't learnt anything... also different personalities do make a difference.
I think its as they get older you have to worry about it more, eg being fair about disapline, may sure they get similar levels of treats/oppertunites - not the same but so they percevie it as fair

BertieBotts Sat 08-Oct-11 20:56:21

There's a good book called "Siblings Without Rivalry" which I read (Not sure why as I didn't have any DCs at the time grin) and it covers some things about being fair even when treating DCs differently. You have to to a degree - especially as they get older and have different wants/needs.

ASuitableGirl Sat 08-Oct-11 20:59:43

I think to bring children up fairly there will be times when you have to treat them in different ways.

MowlemB Sat 08-Oct-11 21:42:01

I agree with a suitable girl.

Don't confuse treating children fairly with treating them the same. They are two different things.

As children, we had friends who were brought up exactly the same - right down to Christmas, where the mum would ensure exactly the same amount of money was spend on each of them. Now as adults, they are very keen to ensure that they have exactly the same. It seems a rather gross quality in adults.

Whereas, when we were children - sometimes my brother got shoes / a bigger Christmas present / more money spent on birthday etc and at other times I did. My mum always said it all evens out in the wash. I think its true. Now, sometimes my bro gets more money spent on him at Christmas, or my parents will help him out... I don't mind, as long as they too would help me out when I need it.

They're fair - but they don't always treat us the same.

I do the same with my children. I buy my children shoes when they need them - so if DD1 needs them, but DD2 does not, then she goes without. At four she understands that she will get them when she needs them. Kids cotton on quite quickly I reckon.

TheArmadillo Sat 08-Oct-11 22:13:48

I think MowlemB has explained it well and agree with whoever it was that recommended siblings without rivalry.

Treating children fairly does not mean treating them exactly the same. They will have different personalities and different wants and needs.

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