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Keeping up with the jones's

(8 Posts)
Rogers1 Thu 06-Oct-11 09:47:25

I have a friend who's DS is a week younger than my DS. My DS has been walking for 4 months now & as her DS hasn't attempted to walk she is getting competitive. It's as though she is point-scoring. If she had 3 of something...she would tell me she had 12! I reassure her that every child develops/masters things at different rates but it brings me down when she tries belittling my life to make her life sound better. I have a wonderful DH, beautiful DS & a lovely home...& I am secure in my life...but it does get me down when she behaves like this. Even putting down my efforts for a family party for my son...as she was having a massive party for her DS first birthday. Does anyone else have a friend like this....if so...how do you keep the friendship despite her behaviour?

twittertotter Thu 06-Oct-11 10:02:31

I knew ( no longer do) a bunch of girls from my ante natal classes, one of whom was particularly competitive, always wanting her DS to do things first... and making sure we all know how clever/ smart / super advanced he was.

It did amuse me when I said dd had done things and see her respond almost instantly with a "well my ds did that but BETTER" story.

I ditched her and the group as I am just NFI in people who behave like that - they are children FFS, as long as they are happy and healthy who cares who can sit up unaided / walk / eat solids or sing baa baa black sheep first

The competitive mums are using their children to show how successful they are but all they are really proving is how very shallow they are and how little else they have in their lives to define themselves!

Rogers1 Thu 06-Oct-11 10:16:17

I completely agree with you. I've started limiting time with her...although that means our sons can't play together...as you said...they are kids & it's not about who does what first.

PaigeTurner Thu 06-Oct-11 10:17:15

Yes, unfortunately one of my good friends is a bit like this. Her DS is taking his own time to sit up/crawl etc, whereas my DS - 4 months younger - is quite a good mover. I've found she LOVES criticising other people's DC with put-downs like "it's just a reflex" or for example, telling me if I fed DS food pouches he would "never eat savoury food" (she home-cooks everything).

I have just had to bite my tongue as it's obviously something that's difficult for her to deal with. I'm not a big fan of discussing the ins and outs of babies anyway so I really try to steer the conversation on, but it is difficult.

Rogers1 Thu 06-Oct-11 10:27:38

I agree...biting your tongue is sometimes the best option. I have stopped talking about what DS can do as I find it just triggers the competitive talk on her behalf. I found the last time we met she was even being quite negative about her DS when comparing him to my DS...very hard to hear & I changed the subject very quickly. I still want to remain friends but feel like it may have to be from a distance until she feels happier within her own situation maybe?

Octaviapink Thu 06-Oct-11 10:28:17

People like that aren't friends - get rid.

twittertotter Thu 06-Oct-11 10:35:49

I just found it huge'y of putting to spend time with peole whoo were more interested in whose child had reached a developmental milestone first... there is more to life and spending a coffee morning talking about kids / babies all the time just wasn't for me.

Paigeturner the competitive mummy in my group also favoured put downs saying it was purely accidental - a fluke / reflex related when anyone but her DS hit a milestone first.... even her DS getting teeth was competition for her!

Rogers1 don't let her make you feel bad - she is using her child to make her self feel better / superior, just how idiotic is that? Oh and a massive party for a 1 year old? Really ? why bother - they wont remember it...its only so she can show off.... My Dh and I cracked open a bottle of champers to celebrate making it through the first year , my dd got a book from us and some clothes from some relative and a candle on shop bought fairy cake.... we couldnt have been happier!

let the Jones' do what they want - they will never be happy / content. You on the other hand can be by letting them stress about whatever the latest thing on the horizon might be... while you just enjoy being a family , not worring what others are doing / buying etc.

Rogers1 Thu 06-Oct-11 10:43:50

Twittertotter...you are completely right. Reading these posts from you ladies just clarifies everything I thought...so a big thank u!

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