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Parenting

9yo DS and eating dinner palava!

14 replies

carocaro · 02/10/2011 18:17

What is up with him? Moaning about what he is given, taking and age to eat, faffing all the time with the food, saying he is full up after three mouthfulls. Such a battle, his 4 yo brother easts fine and in quicker time. He does not have too much either. I am on here as I was about to loose my temper with him, his roast chicken etc is now cold but he's going to eat it!! I have tuned into my Grandmother, but her food was lumpy vile tripe, this is organic frigging chicken!!

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RitaMorgan · 02/10/2011 18:22

Why are you turning it into such a battle?

Give him his dinner, give him 30 minutes or whatever to eat it, and once that's over let him get down.

If he doesn't want to eat it's up to him. He'll just have to be hungry.

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jade80 · 02/10/2011 18:25

For his sanity and yours, stop serving him a plate with food on. Put the food in the middle and let people serve themselves. The last thing that will encourage him to eat is staring at a plateful of food he hasn't even served to himself. Just put the food in the middle, let people take their own and get on with eating it, ignore what he does, just chat about something else.

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carocaro · 02/10/2011 18:26

Because he needs to eat to stop him from moaning he is hungry in an hour from now when he goes to bed, then having him whinge. Then he will sleep baddly, be tired and be shit at school, so teaching him the 'go hungry' lesson is pointless.

It is such a no brainer, sit down and eat, how hard is that?

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carocaro · 02/10/2011 18:27

jade80 - tried that, he just puts one carrot on, one potato etc.

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activate · 02/10/2011 18:29

power struggle

give him his food eat yours chat be calm ignore him when meal is finished clear plate away - if he hasn't eaten tough - if he goes to bed hungry tough (you can let him have a slice of bread)

don't get pulled in to the fight or the persuasion

eat or don't - yuou're not running a restaurant

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momnipotent · 02/10/2011 18:45

I have a 9yo DS just like this. So freaking annoying! I have been through different 'phases', none of which have made it any better tbh. I have tried making him something that he will actually eat every night (very limited selection, and although he did actually eat every night I stopped doing this because it wasn't fair to me or the other DCs), I went through a stage where every night was the battle that you are currently having, to the point where I would dread dinner and end up pissed off all evening. And now, I just leave him to it. He eats or he doesn't but it's down to him. If he complains of being hungry later that night I tell him he should have eaten his dinner then. There is absolutely no other option of food for the rest of the evening. Thankfully he likes breakfast so I know he will make up for it the following morning. Last week he was pretty good and he ate dinner three nights out of five, the week before that it was one night out of five.

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RitaMorgan · 02/10/2011 19:34

Eat or go hungry isn't a pointless lesson. Surely it's better than power struggles over food?

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cory · 02/10/2011 19:46

Mine was exactly like that at that age and basically ate very little for the best part of two years (except at school where they serve shite ). My main concern was to train him not to take more than he is going to eat as I hate wasted food (and he can always have seconds). He is getting better and at least we haven't made a battle-field of it.

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CheeseandGherkins · 02/10/2011 19:49

Maybe he's just not hungry until later on? I struggle to eat when I'm not hungry. I know dinner has to be a certain time usually but if it would help could you do it a little later possibly? Sit down and ask him what you could do as a family to make it easier for him to eat?

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budgieshell · 02/10/2011 20:01

I had the same problem with my DD and I broke the rules to solve the problem.

Sitting down together as a family was a nightmare, so we didn't for a while. I took myself away and left the 2 DD's to eat on their own. Now we all eat together and she tries new things all the time and eats like a horse. I think it was me stressing about it and watching every mouthful, praising when she did eat talking her into eating one more mouthful. I could not calm down about it and even when I said nothing the tension was awful.

So I don't know if it is good advice I'm sure other people will say don't do it but it worked for us.

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jade80 · 02/10/2011 20:05

So let him carocaro... he won't starve himself. Let him take what he wants and don't draw attention to it.

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FlumpsRule · 02/10/2011 20:14

I agree with the others. They go through fits & starts - my Ds is 9 and he only ate half a chicken thigh and a couple of mouthfulls of veg today but last week had seconds then thirds. Don't fret & don't let it ruin your mealtimes, which should be happy social occasions

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betterwhenthesunshines · 03/10/2011 12:42

Is he having snacks? If so, cut them out and he WILL be hungry at mealtimes. Also maybe he does need less food than you think. One potato and one carrot may be enough for him at that point. My DS is a skinny one, doesn't have a huge appetite, but eats a wide variety. Let him serve himself, if he finishes offer second helpings. If he doesn't finish, after 20 mins tell him he has 5 more mins and then you're clearing the table and there will be no more food until supper / breakfast. It varies how much kids eat (this summer was the first time my DS EVER said, "I'm hungry")

If you weaken and he's hungry at bedtime, then offer milk & 1 slice plain toast, or something else filling but uninspiring!

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carocaro · 04/10/2011 09:09

Thanks all, we sat down last night and talked, he said he like to choose some of things I cook eg: have some say, which I fully understood - so good suggestion! He said he likes the things I cook and I cook the things I like but he would like to choose so he knows what is coming. So last night as his request we had baked pots, beans and cheese and tonight we are having chicken noodles and tomorrow fish pie. And he said he wants to help himself too! So you are all right there is a solution when I calmed down and listened. So simple but sometimes we forget. So thanks again!!