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How did your toddler react to having a new sibling and what problems/issues can I expect?

(12 Posts)
PeggyCarter Wed 28-Sep-11 11:17:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

acatcalledfelix Wed 28-Sep-11 11:27:16

Will be watching this with interest as am imminently going to drop so will have a NB and a two year old! Think I'm being a bit "head in the sand" at the moment as he seems too young to understand what we tell him about the new baby, and really have no idea how he's going to react....

macaroonie Wed 28-Sep-11 13:29:57

I've just had my second (my first has just turned 3, so maybe it's different) and she has been amazing. This is what we did, but I think it depends a lot on their personality too.
We talked a lot about the baby's arrival from about 6 months and used a big-sister book to show her what would happen with regards to the birth and arrival or the baby - i think she really 'got' it with the book because of the pictures.
We focus a lot on what positive things my 3yr-old can do that the baby can't - for example "you can eat ice-cream, he can't because he's too little"
I made sure the baby wasn't in my arms when she came and met him for the first time and there was a present 'from' him at that moment too.
I involved her in lots of little things like changing the nappy (she got the nappies for me), choosing clothes and toys each day and stuff like that.
I asked people (especially grandparents) to be careful what they said in front of her at the beginning and to pay her more attention than the baby.
I make time for just me and her - I think this is the most important.
It all seems to have worked so far because she has responded really positively and we've not had any jealousy so far (but I'm waiting for it ;) ).
Good luck!

macaroonie Wed 28-Sep-11 13:31:10

Sorry - only issue we have is when I'm BFing and can't do something immediately for her - she can get a bit upset about that, but that's only because she's impatient! Distraction usually works a treat.

Primafacie Wed 28-Sep-11 13:58:56

Same as macaroonie. My daughter (2.2 when DS arrived) was a super big sister from the minute she saw him, however she also had a major sleep and potty regression. The first months were trying, with either or both of them awake through the night, and constant toilet 'accidents'. It did not help that the baby was preterm and we had three hospital stays, which were hard for all of us. Fast forward five months and she is settled again and very caring for the baby. Frankly at times I could do without her parenting advice smile

An0therName Wed 28-Sep-11 14:13:48

I would make sure you are upfront about the downsides - ie babies cry alot, can't do much - sometimes they expect them to able to play with them straightaway, mummy will be tired etc - that worked with with a few children I know - my DS was 4 so it was a bit different
try not to make any other major changes - if you use some childcare I would try and keep it going - if possible
we had a book called sophie and new baby which was good for looking at negative/mixed feelings after the birth
and sometime doing stuff with her everyday will help

doughnutty Wed 28-Sep-11 14:20:20

DS was 19 months when DD was born. We talked a lot about the baby coming and when my bump was big enough he would kiss it goodnight and say hello etc.

When she was born we tried very hard not to change his routine and if that meant the baby crying a little longer than I would've liked well it also meant he wasn't pushed out. Initially he was mostly indifferent. The only thing was when we gave her a toy which was his, though not played with in a long time, and he grabbed it back saying No. Mine. Suggest if you have things he's had which you'll reuse remove them from him a while before baby comes.

We also put up the cot, moses basket, bouncy chair etc a few weeks before due date so he would be used to them and hopefully got bored of climbing in them, shoving them round the house, etc.

He helps with nappy changes and is actually better at change time himself now. If she does.something he would get told off for, like kicking when getting changed, she also gets told off for it! And we always praise him for being a great big brother.

Harecare Wed 28-Sep-11 14:21:16

Agree with anothername, make it clear that the baby will be boring for a very long time. Give her jobs to do, maybe a doll she can feed while you are? My dd1 was the same age and was great, but after a couple of weeks she did put a pillow on DD2s face! NEVER leave them in the room together alone! Carry on going to playgroups so she can have fun while baby sleeps or feeds.

pocketfullofposies Wed 28-Sep-11 14:22:01

They are all so different. One thing I think dd1 loved was having her sister sitting next to her in a side by side buggy so they could hold hands, rather than a phi and teds type

mamsnet Wed 28-Sep-11 17:23:00

Well, I did all the recommended things and more in preparation but DD (24 months at the time) was a NIGHTMARE for a few weeks.. and then again, for a very short while, when DS got interesting and funny.
So I think a lot of it is down to personality, personally.
That said, they are now as thick as thieves and just a few minutes ago (when DD was being told off and very sad) DS took her hand and they comforted each other.. so I don't think the initial jealousy has left any lasting mark! grin

PeggyCarter Wed 28-Sep-11 18:56:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsVidic Wed 28-Sep-11 19:27:02

Dd1 is 26 mths and dd2 is 7 weeks. I had a 4 day stay in hospital which upset dd1. She regressed in potty training and was very territorial about her toys when her friends came round in week 1. She's back to normal now.
As others said aim to keep routines and activities. Learn how to cuddle dd1 while bfeeding the baby.

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