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8 yo daughter being manipulated by best friend

(6 Posts)
miacis Tue 27-Sep-11 08:28:46

My 8 yo dd is very close with another girl. She has other pals but this one is probably her favourite. The only problem is that the other girl manipulates her sometimes quite cruelly. The latest episode is her telling dd that she won't come round to play at our house if we get a dog. She wants a dog herself.

Oh is furious. I hate this sort of manipulative behaviour. Dd tends to keep stuff to herself too so I suspect I only hear some of this. I've told dd that this is just jealousy and being mean. Her mum does know she is manipulative. I feel I need to talk to mum. Views? Plus good ways of dd coping with this.

nickschick Tue 27-Sep-11 08:35:54

She is 8 and so young for all this,how on earth has another 8 year old become so powerful at manipulation?.

Either you can say to DD I'm not happy with you playing with xxxx and I dont want you to play with her alone play with your other friends or you can sit her down and chat to her about this and explain that the child is being a bit mean and isnt being a good friend to dd and a good friend would be happy about the dog especially if it meant she could help with the pet sometimes.

At 8 I dont think your dd needs this extra burden.

hifi Tue 27-Sep-11 09:25:26

dd met A GIRL,SAME AGE,on holiday. dd is 7,the amount of manipulation in 2 weeks was shocking. telling her if she went swimming she woudnt have any sweets for a year.get her to play hide and seek and leave her.i did have a word with the girl and she eased off slightly, in the end we had to avoid the family because of this child.
can you have a word with this child,let her know in a round about way you know what shes up to?

stealthsquiggle Tue 27-Sep-11 09:33:33

Oh, 8yo girls are masters of manipulation. I am watching and learning from the girls in DS's year (and, oddly, one boy - who now seems to have calmed down a bit) and steeling myself for when DD reaches this age.

If this child's mother knows she is manipulative, a quiet word and a joint plan might help - otherwise I think all you can do is to encourage other friendships and keep re-iterating that real friends don't do things like this.

I have a sinking feeling DD could easily be the manipulator rather than the manipulated when she gets to that age, so I am naively keen on 'talk to her parents' based solutions.

GooseyLoosey Tue 27-Sep-11 09:39:44

Dd and her friends (all 7 coming on 8) are all a little on the manipulative side.

I have told dd to refuse to do what is being asked simply and firmly and walk off and play with someone else. This avoids an argument and shows she won't be manipulated.

We have a lot of conversations about how it's important that she does what she thinks is right, not what other people tell her to do and again emphasise shrugging off the bad things her friends say.

Not sure I would talk to the mother - such conversations never go too well in my experience. I would focus on trying to give your dd the arsenal to deal with manipulative girls (as she will meet many).

miacis Tue 27-Sep-11 13:01:13

Suspect this is a case of a girl testing her powers - but so cruel. Have seen her doing stuff in the past including looking back to check if DD was crying. Girls can be so nasty at this age.

DD knows this behaviour is wrong (and probably doesn't tell me as a result). She is almost too loyal to friends.

I will be encouraging other friends and may try talking to her mum (she is a very dear friend of mine). I may even try saying something to the girl myself - I hear you won't be coming round any more if we get a dog etc thats a shame, thought you would like playing with the dog here - said through gritted teeth of course.

However, utlitmately she needs the coping skills to deal herself. So will focus on those.

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