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My neighbour told me this morning that there isn't enough discipline in this country and told me I should smack my children when they are naughty.

(21 Posts)
TheOriginalFAB Thu 15-Sep-11 14:49:12

My children are under 10 and DH and I have different opinions on smacking. I am also not clear what the law says about it at the moment. I smacked my 2 boys when younger after they ran in the road. They never did it again. When they have been smacked on other occasions it definitely hasn't worked and has made the situation worse imo.

It is bugging me a bit how much what he ha said has been playing on my mind today.

Sorry to post and run but it is chucking out time at school soon and I am not there.

GrimmaTheNome Thu 15-Sep-11 14:55:03

Some parents don't discipline their kids effectively. Others do.

Some of the former smack (or worse) - some don't.
Some of the latter smack their kids - I suspect nowadays most don't.

Don't let this bug you. You know what works and doesn't work for you. smile

Atropos Thu 15-Sep-11 14:57:43

Your neighbour has no business telling you how to discipline your children.

JillySnooper Thu 15-Sep-11 14:57:53

Agree with Grimma.

Some shitty parents smack, some don't.
Some good parents smack, some don't.

Most of us muddle through dong the best we can .

Greensleeves Thu 15-Sep-11 14:58:05

your neighbour is an idiot

winnybella Thu 15-Sep-11 15:14:57

Hmm, I think he's confusing discipline with smacking- they are not the same, although smacking can be part of it.

Personally, I think it's for most part uneffective and not setting a good example to the children.

Having said that, DD (2.7) got a light smack on her diaper today as she lay on her belly on a chair at the optician and kicked the front of her cream white desk, leaving marks all over it. The other option would be to restrain her while she screamed and I wouldn't be able to hear what the optician said (previous warnings, removing her from the chair etc didn't work). It worked but I feel shitty about it.

I think you would feel guilty (judging from your previous posts) and it doesn't really help much imo. Better to set clear boundaries, remove privileges as a punishment etc and first of all, have a good rapport with kids so they listen to what you have to say.

TheOriginalFAB Thu 15-Sep-11 16:34:11

DH has said we did things my way (no smacking) and now we have kids who won't do as they are told, so now we are doing it his way. He has smacked twice since and I really don't like it. I don't think it works tbh and how can I tell them off for hitting and kicking each other if I have smacked the? Plus my eldest 2 are 10 and 8 and that is too old to smack. Once when he did get a smack (still feel crap about it) he made a comment about it which sounded a bit like a threat.

Today DS1 has been vile this morning and this afternoon but I left him to strop in his room and after half an hour he came down and apologised for shouting at me and now is doing his homework <faints>.

TheOriginalFAB Thu 15-Sep-11 16:39:02

Didn't last. Just bit my head off.

WhoresHairKnickers Thu 15-Sep-11 17:03:19

My Ds 13.1 still gets a smack sometimes. So does Dd 4.8. Usually it's because I've talked to them x several, shouted at them x several and then I smack...nearly always way past their bed times and they are making enough noise to wake my deceased Dad, never mind the kids next door (and I'm talking very late...they share a room which doesn't help).
Ds is all arms and legs when I smack him which makes it difficult to smack him and then he'll say I 'beat him' which I certainly do not!
I don't think the odd smack hurts, but I don't think it does much good if I'm honest.

TheOriginalFAB Thu 15-Sep-11 17:14:28

And therein lies the difficulty as as a parent you need sanctions and I am yet to find one that lasts more than a week.

WhoresHairKnickers Thu 15-Sep-11 17:18:28

Yep!

Greensleeves Fri 16-Sep-11 13:15:44

jesus christ, so you still smack a 13yo and he struggles with arms and legs everywhere, but you persevere and make sure you land one

how very dignified, what a marvellous example you are setting hmm

WhoresHairKnickers Fri 16-Sep-11 14:17:57

You'd have to be there Greensleeves, it sounds awful, but it is not awful. If he didn't wave his arms and legs around (which is actually hilarious as he's nearly 6ft tall), he'd get the smack through his duvet and there'd be no actual contact. He ought to have realised this by now hmm

matana Fri 16-Sep-11 14:50:45

Smacking is not for me tbh, but that's my parental choice. My DS is still very young (10 months) so i don't know how i'll feel when he's deliberately misbehaving in a few years. I'd like to think i'd have enough self restraint not to smack him in anger, but plenty of parents have been there unintentionally and regretted it instantly. It doesn't make them bad parents. I was smacked twice when i was young and i have a perfectly happy, healthy and close relationship with both my parents. I think some parents smack too often for it to really have an impact - kind of the same as parents who shout all the time. Their kids get used to it and it doesn't really mean anything or help correct bad behaviour. I can remember on each of the two occasions i was smacked what it was for, because it happened so rarely. It wasn't painful, it was just the shock of it that got to me. And i changed my behaviour as a result. Both ways can work i think, i just prefer one over the other and believe it would break my heart to smack my DS.

WhoresHairKnickers Fri 16-Sep-11 16:58:50

I used to think like that too matana and thankfully it's not something that 'needs' doing very often I don't think.
For me personally, I'm Mum, Dad, good guy and bad guy and everyone else rolled into one. Talking calmly and rationally doesn't always work. If it did, I wouldn't smack at all. I certainly don't believe in kids living in fear of their parent/s, and beating a child is of course wrong...glad to say I don't beat mine, but on occasion a smack just makes them take notice.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 16-Sep-11 17:17:47

I really did not want to smack my children but have done but I was beaten as a child and what my kids have compared to me is a tap plus they have a good family home with 2 parents who love them.

My child is being bullied at school and right now violence is what I wish on the kids who have done it.

AnyoneButLulu Fri 16-Sep-11 17:20:51

Out of interest, what nationality is your neighbour? Is it an age thing, or a culture thing?

TheOriginalFAB Fri 16-Sep-11 17:30:16

He is British and a grandad so I would say 60's.

confusedperson Fri 16-Sep-11 21:31:47

I used to be very pro-smacking because I thought (and still think) that something has gone wrong somewhere that our children generation tend to show no respect to adults. However I noticed that smack did not make any difference to my DS's behaviour in long-term, and now seeking other ways to discipline. I still justify smack now and then but to be honest will try to raise my children without smacking - or as little as possible.

Petisa Fri 16-Sep-11 23:25:20

I have a 3.5 yo who is currently driving me bonkers being challenging, and I don't like smacking but have ended up smacking a few times recently. Made things worse every time, escalated the whole thing and made her behaviour worse. Plus I felt like crap every time. Proper serious bribery reward chart with toys and taking said toys away as soon as baby sister is kicked in the face there is any out of order behaviour is working so well, however. <channels supernanny>

firstsupermum Sun 18-Sep-11 18:33:18

i have a 2years 5months boy, i smack him somethimes, i realy dont like it after or even before, but he drive me made, he just doesnt listen, and mean to do it, as if i ignore somethings that he is not allowed to do, he will look at me and try to do it again and again untill i will tell him off, smacking doesnt work at all. i am trying to tell him off now, try to came myself down.

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