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What ere your first time parent mistakes?(27 Posts)
I know you have to learn by your own mistakes and all that, but thought it would be a interesting question ... So, what mistakes do you feel you made with your first that you didn't (or wouldn't) with a second? What would you do differently with hindsight?
Being too fixated with routines and getting him to sleep, rather than relaxing, going with the flow and enjoying him
Oh, and letting my mum give him a dummy, because she said he was feeding too much. I was bfing him. She had never done it and didn't have a clue what she was talking about, but she meant well.
With DD1 I held her till she was in deep sleep for the first 9 months of her life, I should have just put her down more! Looking back I also think there was a lot of unnecessary crying because I tried to enforce a routine instead of letting her find her own. DD2 and DD3 have been largely crying free and have slotted into their own routines quickly and easily.
Picking up the second they cry. With hindsight, it really upset ds1 as it was just his way of settling (still is sometimes - he's 21 months). Holding him, being in the room even just overstimulated him.
Good job you don't get the chance to make that mistake with no. 2. Dd is already sleeping better at 12 weeks than ds was at 9 months! But she does cry more!
being a breast feeding martyr. Would like to go back in time and ENJOY my baby!
Following that book by that woman we can't mention instead of following my instincts
Fretting that I wasn't giving DS enough mental stimulation. This was when he was about 3 weeks old DH would find me waving black and white flashcards in his face or marching him round the house and showing him anything I thought might be vaguely visually stimulating, for hours on end. Why on earth didn't I just cuddle up with him on the sofa and stick a dvd on and enjoy my last blessed weeks of being able to do so before he became mobile?! Not a mistake I shall make as and when I have dc2!
Another one about sleep. With my first i picked up as soon as he cried and ended up sharing our bed for a lot longer than i wanted. Had lot's of broken sleep for nearly 4 years.
Dd1 and 2 had no sleep issues , i was much stricter with sleeping in their own bed , room etc
not thinking he could be hungry again - when yes he was - and getting v stressed
having too late a bed time and having a child who was v difficult to settle
sometimes expecting too much of a very young child
Allowing the HV at his 2 year check to write "Says 6 words" when he didn't, after I insisted he didn't, and she insisted he might do, maybe, when I wasn't listening, and she was "sure he does really".
He didn't. He has ASD. This could have been picked up a darned sight earlier had she not lied in his records. He said his first word at about 2.5 and it was "Wheel" - notably NOT Mummy, or Mama, or Dada, or babababa or, in fact, anything else that could be a 'normal' first word.
That funny smell that seems to be near baby when you cuddle them? Try cleaning the depths of the 4 chins!
My baby won't die and I won't have failed if formula milk touches her lips - a sane mother is better than an insane one.
Getting the baby into a gentle routine is good.
Some babies appear to be more and more active and awake the more tired they are. They aren't not tired, they are hyperactive with tiredness and they should be put to sleep by you. Not every child 'powers down' like you think they will.
Not cuddling her enough. Although dh disputes this and I did bf her for fifteen months so perhaps I did! Bfing all evening upstairs when I could have been downstairs. Trying too hard for a routine too soon instead of giving a pattern enough chance to develop naturally. Reading too many flipping books.
Believing that as long as I offered breastmilk on demand dd would be bound to thrive because breast is best (dd had an undiagnosed medical condition and gradually grew too weak to demand at all...)
Believing that if I was only jolly and breezy and laidback enough dd would grow up healthy and strong and able to do anything children of her age should be able to do- with hindsight I realise I am lucky that dd got to grow up at all- there were some nasty near misses.
With hindsight- I would have pushed harder for a diagnosis and gone in for dealing with the child I had rather than the child I felt I ought to have.
Giving more time to baby and not thinking for yourself and your husband is one mistake that I ever encountered before. Being a first time mom we always think to give the best effort for our first newborn neglecting yourself and our partner. It should be just equal to give your self a reward and to your partner. Though it's hard being a mom but it's our duty to take care the whole family. With baby carrier you can do stuff to take the house and your hubby. It's just a matter to be a wise mom. You can do it all with all these efforts.
Thinking that whenever DS wanted to bf he was hungry, when in fact sometimes he was tired and the only way he knew to get to sleep was by sucking.
Thinking that he would 'grow out of' waking every two hours throughout the night, naturally by himself. (Until I met a mum of a 12 month old who still woke every few hours and I realised the horrible truth - that if I didn't do something it would continue for years. Thank god for the Baby Whisperer.)
Not attempting BF as I didn't want to fail. Am going to have a go this time.........
Too much stimulation toys flashing lights music etc rather than long walks looking at the world.
Running things around the baby as in phoning up and saying 'we will be a bit late as x is still sleeping' whereas DCs 2 &3 just had to fit in with life.
I'm still making many mistakes... Most notably constantly thinking I am failing at motherhood for one reason or another exacerbated by me having to now give him formula as well as bf. Some days I rationally know that my baby being fed properly and satisfied by his feed is more important than my need to be what I perceive as the perfect mum, but on my irrational days I feel like a failure!
Thinking that the hell of the first few weeks would be for ever. If only I had known things would get better, I may have enjoyed the first few weeks a little more.
Buying proper outfits for anything less than a 6 month old. Similarly, shoes for when they are younger than walking age (my last pair lasted 3 weeks till she outgrew them!).
Thinking that breastfeeding was really important! I couldn't do it (well, I could, but DS couldn't) and spent weeks expressing when I should have been sleeping - next time there is no way I would keep it up so long through bouts of mastitis etc.
Secondly, I reckon I would be way more relaxed about DS occasionally coming into bed with us, or falling asleep on me.
To not give myself such a hard time if DS doesn't nap for long enough or has a night sleeping in our bed or doesn't settle easily one night or has a grizzly day or has a cold or, well you get the jist!!
next time i will remember i'm the mummy and you can't really do anything wrong as everything you do is because you believe it is the best for your baby at the that time.
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