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WWYD - constant tears from 9 year old

(5 Posts)
MorningHasBroken Tue 13-Sep-11 09:59:05

The Sunday before going back to school, we had bed-time tears from DSD. We assumed this was simple nerves and settled her down and got her to sleep. We've since had tears and misery quite literally every morning, afternoon and evening. It's been 10 days of this now and we just don't know what to do with her.

She says nothing's wrong at school - the teacher's fine, the work's good. She's really pleased with the work she's been doing. She moved classes right at the end of last term because of being bullied in the other class but says that the girls in her new class are nice. Nothing's changed at home recently. (The only thing we thought it could be was her mum not turning up to visit her over the summer again; but she says it's not that).

This morning I've been up to the School to talk to the teachers and they say that she doesn't look happy in lessons and last Friday they had an incident of tears during a lesson because the teacher corrected her work and she couldn't understand what she'd got wrong (which tallies with our experience at home where the slightest thing will set her off); but they haven't seen anything going on that would suggest why she's unhappy.

She complains constantly of tummy pains and feeling sick. I wanted to keep her home today because she said she thought she might be sick this morning, but she insisted on going in and said she'd 'be okay once she got there.' She's barely eating anything - maybe half the normal amount and she's not a big eater anyway - and says any sweet food makes her want to be sick, though she's normallygot a real sweet tooth. We're assuming that this is caused by the anxiety but maybe we're wrong.

Anybody have any ideas what could be wrong with her, or what we could do? It's getting us all down as it's just constant misery in the house. At least if she gave a reason we could do something about it but I honestly don't think she knows what it is that's upsetting her.

I'm starting to feel a bit of a failure as I just can't make it better for her!

substantiallycompromised Tue 13-Sep-11 10:10:01

I don't know what to suggest but I didn't want your post to go unaswered for too long. We have 8 yr old dd who had period of not wanting to go to school last year - a problem with lack of friends - which has been resolved now but was intensely stressful at the time. So bumping for you ...

oh, perhaps one suggestion, take her to gp to eliminate any physical problem (sorry, I know this is a bit obvious)

It sounds as if she is quite sensitive and very anxious to do well ...and perhaps the problems with her mother have exacerbated this (insecurity)??? Does the school have any psychological support they can offer for dc? It sounds as though she could benefit from a reassuring chat from a trained, objective, experienced child specialist???

You sound absolutely lovely and this must be very worrying for you. Remember she is lucky to have you looking out for her. Hope you find some support soon!

MorningHasBroken Tue 13-Sep-11 10:36:49

Thanks substantially; you may have hit on something re being anxious to do well. She has always been desperate to be the best at everything. Perhaps she's struggling to be top of the class and please the teacher - who isn't the most verbose man in the world and probably doesn't dish out much praise. I'll have a chat with her about that. I don't think the School have that kind of support - we live in a small town in South Wales and they tend to be quite 'hearty' about things...

My SIL is a GP so may take a trip to see her at the weekend so she can informally assess her; don't like to run to her with every little problem with the kids but this has gone on so long it's probably justified.

substantiallycompromised Tue 13-Sep-11 11:03:26

Sounds like a good plan MorninghasBroken

I think dc of this age (particularly girls) are incredibly hard on themselves ...

Hope you find the information/support you need.

Albrecht Tue 13-Sep-11 14:09:55

Don't know if this helps but I cried a lot and easily at this age. And I would say it was down to be hard on myself, wanting to do very well. Probably partly down to a crap relatioship with my mum too.

I would say let her know she is loved for just being herself, you enjoy spending time with her etc. Sometimes praise for good marks can feel like more pressure or expectation to keep it up.

It might just be her way of releasing the stress of a new start and disappointment re the situation with her mum. It sounds great that you keep talking with her about everything.

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