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What do you do when your other half has a different style of parenting to you?

(2 Posts)
mymumdom Sun 11-Sep-11 21:22:24

We have 4 kids, aged from 3 to 9 and I'm basically a SAHM although I do a bit of work around the children.
I started off using punitive parenting and that worked until the eldest was at school, then it was obvious that this wasn't going to work as I was having to up the ante all the time.
I don't want my children to be scared of me or what I might do or not do to or for them, I want them to behave because they want to please me and they know it's the right thing to do.
I heard about positive parenting and try very hard to parent this way now but DH still believes his children should do what he says 'because he says so'.
He doesn't hit them but he will grab their arms to get their attention which of course ends in howling, screaming and shouting. He's not a bad parent or husband but he does get shouty when he gets angry. And he hardly ever backs down or apologises when he gets things wrong. He also won't let me intervene if things are getting too heated , so I often end up cross and yelling as well when I try and defuse things.
I've tried explaining what I'm trying to do with the kids to him, tried sending him links or leaving books around for him to read but he can't be bothered trying to change.
He calls himself 'a bad parent' ( I don't think he is) and says he has a shit relationship with the kids (Which he doesn't, apart from when he gets all demanding with them) but he doesn't seem to want to try anything to improve his parenting skills.
I don't think I'm perfect myself btw, but at least I'm looking to change whats obviously not working . I'd welcome any feedback or ideas from him but when I bring the subject up he just comes over all self pitying.
Anyone got any ideas?

exoticfruits Mon 12-Sep-11 08:05:22

You need a parenting course. They are great-you look at things in a different way and you get to talk it all over with other parents. It is rather sad that it is good parents who tend to go, those who really need it see it as failure which is really odd.
Do not argue about discipline in front of the DCs but you do need to discuss it when they are not around. He has the poor relationship which will get worse but he then gets self pitying. I would get annoyed with him, tell him he is being pathetic and he can easily change but he needs to a, get outside help or b, read some books or c, work out strategies with you.

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