dd1 is nearly 3, dd2 is nearly 8 months and has always been an abysmal sleeper - she managed 3 hours in a row last night and it was like a miracle but usually it's every 2 hours. She's still bfing and refuses to settle for dh so I do all the night wakings. As a result I am always tired, and find it very hard to be cheerful and positive for dd1. I guess my parenting style would be called 'resigned' - a lot of the time I just let her get on with things because I don't have the energy to be chirpy and upbeat.
I do my best to be positive and try to encourage dd1 to have fun but often eg in the mornings when she's refusing to get dressed I end up being shouty mum because making things a game doesn't work and I lack the energy to keep on keep on trying new tactics.
Any suggestions for how to get round this (apart from drugging dd2 to sleep...)?
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How to stay cheerful when utterly exhausted
JumpJockey · 08/09/2011 08:22
I agree with you about waiting til after the move, definitely.
Could Daddy not manage the two of them for that little window of time in the morning before he has to get ready to head off? I think that's a great sleep time 
.. I know one of my problems when I was BF (and I kept it up til 19 months with DS..) was the weight of responsibility.. only I could settle them to sleep. I won't be having more babies but I feel if I did, I would have to get him used to going to sleep with Daddy.. Could you try Daddy shushing her back to sleep?
eat regularly. The last thing you need on top of exhaustion in a dip in blood sugar. Hope you get some sleep soon. 
i tried cold turkey, no more night feeds and got 2hrs sleep for days on end while he rolled around wide awake, grizzling and squeaking all night 
so back to night feeds for a few days then going to try again.
I really feel for you. Has sleep issues with ds and I was so irritable from lack of sleep. Actually irritable doesn't go close to how I was. Things that helped were getting out-I was much less shouty with witnesses. Food-someone else mentioned blood sugar. I was foul grumpy when tired, vile when hunger added. I lived on nutella toast and bananas because they gave some kind of nutrition whilst being sweet and tempting enough (just).
Not beating myself up about how I was. People need different amounts of sleep and respond to tiredness differently. You are not being grumpy on purpose and if you could do anything about it you would and will.
As soon as (the second!) all children are asleep lie down on your bed. Sofa not as good. You may not sleep, or you might but you will rest.
This is a tough one but I tackled it bit by bit with the help of flylady.net. Untidiness and feeling lack of control over household stuff made me grumpier. So the living room and kitchen got tidied once a day (not cleaned) and I would set timer for five mins whenever I could. This might not be an issue in your house but it was certainly a trigger for shouting in ours.
Say out loud to dc when you are feeling grumpy, explaining why (unless it is their very presence in the room at that moment ). It was a warning to me and them and often helped me rein myself in.
Counselling. There were a few issues that I had that stayed buried til time of crisis which my sleep dep definitely was, and the gp referred me to a counsellor. Best thing ever.
Not all of these might apply to you but I really recognise where you are and wanted to share what I found helpful. It will pass. I have dc no 3 now and things are very different.
JumpJockey you sound exactly like me for most of the past four years. ds was a champion night-waker and also would never settle for dh, although he stopped at 19m we were in the middle of moving countries and I was 6m pg so I didn't get much sleep anyway - then dd came along and 2yrs in, she is STILL wanting to bf a couple of times a night. (and I never could express a full bottle, even if I'd had the time!)
I could never rest when the dc's went to bed either as I am an introvert and actually need some time on my own to process everything (mental, emotional) and recharge. I spent a good couple of years being ok with the dc's (just) but wanting to divorce dh approximately every 2nd day - displacement or what! Actually, seriously, I think it was a useful tactic, because it meant I was shirty with someone who (a) wasn't there most of the time and (b) could mostly take it when he was. (Of course, this only worked because even in that state I could recognise I didn't really want a divorce!) Instead I found the word itself to be a real red light - if 'divorce' started floating through my head too often, it was time for drastic action - by which I mean, I would go to bed at 10 a few nights running (it would take a couple of nights before going to bed = going to sleep instead of grinding my teeth). Because I was bfing I've been off caffeine; when the exhaustion got too much I did try a few grains of the real stuff in my decaf, but it made everything 10x worse.
when dd was 18m we had a go at sleep training but all we got was 10 days of 1-2hrs screaming a couple times a night and/or short screaming session + long fretty/whingey session. we tried again when she was 22m and she now sleeps til 4 most mornings (then bfs 3x before wake-up time, to make up for all she's missed 
) Believe it or not getting to sleep through til 4 is a miracle for me - I am happier and able to be more responsive to both the dc's and my own warning signs.
which I realise is a LOT of wittering about me and not much help to you :) I think if you can just mainly be nice to your dc's - read with them, talk to them (I always found playing too hard - required too much brainspace + sitting still which made me fall sleep or nauseous trying not to) - and get through the move - for now, that will do. Once you get your nights sorted, even a little bit, as the others have said, everything will start to get easier.
ok poor dcs been waiting for their brekky - better go. good luck, hth a little.
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